>>39849285I didn't get there the same way but I reached the same point I think. There's endless stories and rationalizations I could go on about but it just comes down to the fact I could, and have often, done everything right - everything the way someone wanted, or how I was told to do it, how I was told would get me good things in my life, and it's never once worked out. Almost 3 decades of that - tons of effort, self-loathing because I was convinced I just wasn't doing it right somehow, but a particularly awful event, probably the most awful thing I could ever go through, was born out of no fault of my own, by admission of even the person who did it. If I can do everything right, and only have my life be made worse each and every time, why do anything at all? I could be shallow, or manipulative, or a billion other things to get "good" things, but how I get them matters just as much as what I get, and I'd rather die than be just as awful as so many people in my life have been.
I'm guessing your situation is somewhat similar. You know how awful people can be and there's only so much to do about it. You also know that no matter what you do it doesn't get you what you really want, which is for all of that to have never happened. Maybe yours will improve over time, but, I've come to realize most people can't get over most mental health issues without people. But I don't really know how you get someone to care to try to drag you out of something like this when you're barely a person anymore.
