>be me >trans at 30, total lateshit, hopelessly masculine, but need to do it or I'll rope >obviously, see self as total ogre >whatevs, it's the life I have >about a year in, start feeling very social >convert-introvert-to-extrovert.yaml >I guess not making as a dude makes me social >start making friends >more friends than I've had in the rest of my life combined >they're all super nice and awesome >most of them insist I'm cute and passing, so, yaknow, affirmation overload >one friend confesses love to me >she's the sweetest thing I know, but we can't - we stay close friends >several months later, one of my closest friends admits she has a crush on me, but we never say much beyond that. More on that later >a few months after that, someone I kinda hate the guts of and isn't even part of my friend group admits that she has a crush on me and can't stop thinking about me - wtf??? >not long after, a third friend tells me she loves me - much like the first, there's reasons it can't be a thing >a few weeks after that, friend #2 from above comes back and admits she's fallen hard for m
Goddamn, apparently I'm either hot or just that good of a person or both? I don't feel hot so maybe it's my winning personality??? I don't get it... I have girls practically falling over themselves for me after decades of being pretty much a nobody! Hell, I'm pretty sure one of my guy friends likes me (he's backpedaled on some sus things) but won't say anything because I'm a pretty staunch lesbo. It's not... a bad thing... I'm not upset... just... what??? I'm barely even doing anything - I just talk to people, be nice, remain considerate of their emotions... yaknow, basic ass shit. I'm so so lost. And the worst part is, fuck me, 2 of these women are easily some of the hottest people I've ever personally known. T.T And they're throwing themselves at me but I just can't because of the way life is right now.
When I go to the bathroom I pull my tits out and play with them. They are so absolutely beautiful and perfect with huge pink areolas and they are all natural and round. God has truly blessed me.
I've masculinized to the point that anything gynephillic makes me dysphoric and want to die. I reeeally don't want to become part of a statistic or an optics problem, and I also want to move on from this somehow. If transition would work for me I'd probably do that but I don't have the cards to play. kthnxbai