>>33841366Sorry but I'm going to vent too, sort of using your post as inspiration.
Cold and lacking empathy you say, but to me I believe it's more so along the lines that your life, your past, the things you had to endure and go through specifically, were the ones that forced you to be this way. Failure to do so would be failing to survive, to live. Failure to fill the hole that was bored seemingly into your very soul while it was still pure and untainted.
Mistakes were unacceptable, they still are- something that was imprinted on you out of necessity over years and years, while also observing imperfections in introspectless, carefree people. Forced to process the sourness arising from the realization no one comes even close to being as you are, they don't think and perceive as you do... They never had to.
You do feel for others. The problem is, you feel too much. Enough empathy to feel yourself in someone's shoes down to their laces. Combine this with a certain mortal betrayal, abandonment, neglect, abuse, the same people you were supposed to love serving as picture-perfect examples of who not to be
, mix in some messed genetics and a bit more of that sweet backstabbing and pure daily endless pressure, and there you have it. Usually the result of this is someone dead, or severely mentally broken at best. But in your case, an inhuman resilience and mental fortitude managed to get you through it, but not unscathed.
It's gotten better recently for sure. Having the blessing of observation and the detached perception as you have it does have your benefits sometimes. But you already know this will only take you further and further from the 'normal' anyway, so you give up, trying to snuff out the last embers of whatever is left of your desire to connect with another.
This was written in 2nd person but frankly it's directed towards myself. If you or anyone here is able to see themselves in this rant, I'm truly sorry for what you've been through.
Have a good one.
