>be me
>18y/o confused male
>utterly depressed and considering offing myself
>check myself into an institution
>after few months, things are looking up, meeting good people
>end up getting in my first relationship
>stay together for years after leaving
>rent a home together
>ffw 8 years into the relationship
>always felt weird about the relation
>feelings towards my gf have significantly changed despite her loving me
>still love her but more as a friend, physical attraction dwindled through the years
>never fought, always in good term, didn't know how deal with those feelings
>felt stuck in the relationship
>feelings of my past hitting me like a truck
>considered myself non binary for most of my adult life
>GD hitting me harder and harder
>starts transfem transition
>after 9 years finally get the guts to try and do something about my relationship
>decide to amicably break up

We are both torn to shreds but I just couldn't be with her anymore, my physical attraction to her has been next to none in several years, forcing myself to have sex with her once in a while when she felt needy, I don't even think I'm attracted to cis women at all anymore, plus I felt trapped in the small town we've been living in for 4 years, got no friends, barely go outside, nothing to do around, I'm not really comfortable when she's at home either so having all these feelings drove me nuts and I had to force a change.

I'm looking forward to the future but it's also terrifying as I'll be moving to a city with a bunch of transfem groups.