>>39723283Or they don't. Whether anyone else shares his view or not is not important. Its a story he is repeating to himself as an explanation. Its re-assurance that he is justified in avoiding doing something else he finds unpleasant, which could be any number of things.
Our assumed presence while he repeats these things, more to himself than to us, re-assures him that he is powerless to do whatever the unpleasant thing is, which justifies not doing it. This then implies he is not responsible for his situation, relieving him of any logical obligation to change tactics.
Its not his fault, many people do this and often, its a trick of the subconscious. We claim we have a problem, when in fact the "problem" is the solution or justification for avoiding something that is emotionally difficult.
Right now, we are actually props in this ritual. Its extraordinarily difficult for people to break free from this self conditioning. It can come in many other extreme forms; addictions, neurosis, pathological lying. People will involve others to listen while they are reassuring themselves that they are helpless for their situation.
We could spend hours dismantling the fallacy of this line of reasoning, which summarizes that if one is unattractive, they are unable to find love or affection. But we know this is untrue. To him, thats not the thing to focus on.
Unfortunately, actual change comes from doing. Something has to shock the system, knock it out of its loop. People dont approach the things they dread, so something external has to confront him.
I dont blame him, of course. People associate and experience real emotional pain with rejection. Some people confront it chaotically, and rather than rush into the goal and face the pain, they dismiss some healthful criteria. So they do confront the dread, but overlook healthful standards and create new problems.
The trick, of course, is to maintain healthful standards of behavior while simultaneously overcoming the dread...
