Grateful Edition
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>>39035710 Goal of the thread: Think of something (or someone) you are grateful for. Feel free to share it with us, but no pressure!
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!
>What is this thread for? Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/? Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider: Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.
We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!
## RESOURCE LINKS:
Resource link paste:
https://sntry.cc/sig-resources-2024-04 General advice from Anons:
https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04 Posts from other sites (markdown format):
https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04
Anonymous
Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!
- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)
Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC:
https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/irc.rizon.net/#/lgbt/sig Discord:
https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2 Anonymous
>>39194925 >So I was wearing shoes that were too uncomfortable for about 3 weeks Yes that shit is extremely dangerous. Shoes should ALWAYS be comfy, and you should have about the width of your thumb of free space in front of your toes inside the shoe. Every shoe store clerk hammered that into my skull way back, I recall.. Wearing shoes should never hurt, be very careful and check if your new shoes fit the above requirement.
>I also asked my colleague to see if I can be put as a cashier and I will be in a week. That will help!
>I was too tired to eat more than once so I'm probably going to 94lbs in a few weeks or months if I don't change things. You should have breaks at work, I suggest you to meal prep if at all possible. It is VERY likely you being underweight and malnourished actually makes you more tired. Maybe you can ask your mom to help you when you are too exhausted? It wouldn't have to be forever but if she has the time I could imagine she wants to help. I would try what this does in combination with the change to cashier for a week and then work from there.
>Thanks for all the advice and listening to my bullshit, anon. You and everyone here deserves the best. It's what I'm here for, and continue to!
>>39201453 >>39225544 Let's talk about the reasoning behind this for a bit, okay? After all, wanting to end it is one of the reasons people come here, ideally finding an alternative. I will never shame anyone for feeling this way but I will of course try and offer anything else for as long as I am able.
Anonymous
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Glory to Sig Kind
Anonymous
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>>39201661 >>39211076 How are you doing now, anon? Which one are you? I am sure we talked before.
>>39204911 >feeling trapped inside my skull Ah, a common issue. Any particular thoughts or emotions you can articulate? Any life circumstances that might be the cause?
>>39205776 >How do I fix problems with focus and attention span if getting prescription drugs is off the table It depends on a couple of factors. If it is ADHD proper, check out our resources. HowToADHD is a youtube channel with various coping strats and we got a book too.
>>39212385 >I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with driving outside of a very familiar and nearby area Can you articulate what is the source of your discomfort? Could you take walks as the outermost fringes of your familiar environment to slowly accustom yourself to it? Chances are that if you gradually push yourself juuust enough for you not to run away or panic you will naturally desensitize.
Anonymous
Why does "therapy" always get lumped in with self-improvement? The two have nearly nothing to do with each other
Anonymous
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>>39213135 Regarding his situation, is it something with an end in sight? Is it long distance or can you yoink him if need be?
>>39213321 Being unable to drive in a practically unwalkable area is immensely crippling, and driving related anxiety is not helping, I get that 100%. Oftentimes it makes the job search hard too. How bad is public transport?
>pathetic but the only thing keeping me going is replaying the kingdom hearts games which im horrifically autistic about It is great you are grounding yourself, tism or no tism does not matter. It gets the job done and there is NOTHING pathetic about it.
My immediate first thought is you should try to look for and call LGBT help lines and any social worker related public service you can think of. Job offices might help too. The main issue is really time constraints and your lack of people to rely on.
>keep applying but no where will hire me yes job hunting is currently a grueling process.
>where do I even start. genuinely any advice would be helpful. Beyond what I said above, consider calling up old classmates you were on good terms with, try to explain the situation. It's a shot in the dark but in your situation the #1 thing to do is cry out. You are doing amazing coming here for example, you do well expressing your pain. Remember, the first thing a newborn does by instinct is to cry out to be heard. We can all learn from that.
>>39214159 >Now I get to do nothing today ahhhh What didcha end up doing?
Anonymous
>>39214994 Don't worry Anon, no matter how long ago, I will always go back to read the post. You could even respond threads later and as long as you cross reference I will make do.
Oh in that case I guessed right. First of all you AREN'T attentionwhoring, but you ARE experiencing eating disorder issues most likely. It is not uncommon for eating disorders like this to get better if you stay at a healthy weight for prolonged periods but it needs more than that to break things like shame spirals. Normally calorie counting is a bad idea when trying to squash ana like patterns but I feel like we should talk about calories a bit and maybe take a few days experimenting, to see how your sense of hunger behaves.
1000kcal diets are used for torture in some places.
1500kcal is the expenditure of a child in their early teens.
At 5'7" for a normal BMI I would expect a TDEE of anywhere from 1600 to 1800.
We could have you calorie count for a bit to give you a grounding sense of how much you are actually eating, so it doesn't feel like you are out of control.
>>39218121 > vitreous viand vessels oh like glass tupperware for meal prep?
>>39219502 You are better than you think. Even if you sometimes choose bad copes, it does not make YOU bad. Wanna talk? We're there for you.
Anonymous
Hey sig! Scared Anon here, figured I'd talk here while having an actually alright mental state.
Anonymous
>>39226534 >I'll include pictures of Tanjiro from demon slayer >forgets to post it Okay maybe the brainworms are back more than I thought lol
Anonymous
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>>39220627 Don't sweat it, I will always dig up the old convo if you crossref the post. Sounds like you had a beautifully productive week though.
>I still don't know how to cook. I can help with that a bit.
>People only talk to others if necessary. What a waste. But it sounds like you are already doing well in spite of that. One thing I recommend if it is feasible is to sometimes try and snipe people that seem interesting by trying to sit down near them and strike up convos after or before class. This might aid friend making!
>yes! I do struggle to reach out to them though, feel like I'm intruding. Yes, that initial inhibition is normal. What helps me personally is to just flat out tell them to tell me when it's not a good time and let myself be reassured. Also, remember, people can mute or ignore messages if they are busy. It is important for us to remember that we can only decide who we want to talk to for ourselves. It must not become our job to decide that for our loved ones.
>They usually are down to hang though. An excellent sign!
>Maybe I didn't vibe with the people there, so I say they're just not for me. >Other times I'll over-analyze the tiniest social moments I was an anxious type of that sort too, and honestly my main improvement came with three things: One, letting myself be reassured and seeking out other perspectives. Two, trying to flip the script and see how I would judge someone if they acted like me and realize I wouldn't even remember (for example because I would be preoccupied with how I reacted). Three, improved confidence, both socially as well as more generally by focusing on my strengths and practice trying to take pride in things more.
>I will this week, for sure. I won't let myself down. Sure thing, want me to ping you a fixed day?
Anonymous
>>39225697 (copied from last thread, no clue why I posted it there)
I am so incredibly glad people at least respond like human beings when confronted. I wish you nothing but the very, very best shinjinon. We never met but you know you have been nothing but sweet and helpful no matter how bad things were. I dunno if I can express how much I value that in a way that would satisfy me. I hope you can knock more sense into people with confrontations like this. I really do..
>>39226171 Yes and no. Weight loss, building muscle, any form of self actualization is self improvement. But we also cater to overcoming depression, trauma coping, quitting addictions and shit like that. A lot of the time help, self help and self improvement are all just bits cogs in the machine we build to unsuck life.
I made this thread two years and change ago to cast a wide net and give people some anti-doom anchor. Or maybe more of a floatie, if you will. As a dear anon liked to put it, a garden among the flames.
>>39226534 Glad to hear, Anon! Sounds like you are doing well overall. Yes, those are all excellent approaches. Any plans to surprise hubby? I am looking forward to gf's cake day myself.
>>39226547 kek, could have been me
Anonymous
>>39226742 >Any plans to surprise hubby? Somewhat, but probably not on his actual birthday itself. He only really got alright with celebrating his birthday after he moved out of his parent's place, they were the types to be like "your birthday is for the people around you not just you" so he feels weird sometimes, plus we'll have to see how his paycheck looks. (yes i'm a neet yes i'm trying to change that).
If we can't afford to get him a big present on this one, we'll wait until the next "free" one since he gets 3 checks next month and not just the normal 2.
I plan on making his favorite meal and some special brownies, but its not exactly a surprise since I do that for him every year.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Sometimes everything is hard and going away is easy
Anonymous
>>39226442 i'm for self improvement and everything. doing stuff which makes for a more fulfilling life. but dieting is one of those things for me. i was planning my suicide two weeks ago (not to do with weight), and i've been a lot happier since then... in my apparent self-inflicted torture of 1000kcal...
i feel like people should be allowed a few 'unhealthy' strategies, where they're necessary. i'm actually in a much better mindset to go about improving my life, which will go away if i stop dieting, i guarantee it. this isn't really to do with my weight, though i am disgusted by it, i just want to feel real, embodied, or idk how to put it. but nothing else can do that for me.
thank you though, i do appreciate it. i'm sorry i'm unable to act on your advice.
Anonymous
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I feel out of place in the discord and it makes me want to not talk about how I'm doing because it feels almost selfish lol
Anonymous
ive been learning spanish for around 6 months, but this is my first time posting on /sig/. i should come here more often
Anonymous
>>39231138 Im sorry this wasnt what i wanted it to mean
I think overall its good to remember that we can go on
Anonymous
>>39232401 Exactly the same
I feel that I just dont belong there
seeing people who were my friends...it hurts
I really have nothing to do with them anymore
Discord is a graveyard for me
With a few white flowers poping in lighting my way I suppose
Poetry lolmao
Sorry i got no advice Im struggling with this too. I think maybe just talk to people when you feel liek it. Its ok.
Anonymous
>>39233344 well the "problem" so to speak is that I'm a cis dude and it seems like the /sig/ discord is almost exclusively trans gals
which is fine, but I want to talk about my successes and given that they're in the context of being a masculine cis dude, I feel... idk, like I'm intruding
Anonymous
workout interrupted day ruined
Anonymous
bump, enjoying rest today
Anonymous
Anonymous
First time posting here but fuck it, I have nowhere else to go/ask. So most of my social interactions happen through discord but for the past year I've basically wound up talking to one person only. Most of the people I met before were from a general interest in playing a certain game but basically everyone there has quit to play Valorant or CS2 on a competitive level which is just boring. So I quit playing games for a long time, but at some point I wanted to get into some new games and try to interact and make friends with some people. But every time I try I end up suffering from extreme motion sickness after playing for more than 40 minutes which ruins my immersion and engagement to it. Just recently I tried playing Minecraft but after 15 minutes I had to stop because I was feeling the pressure in my head building up. Everything I've tried so far hasn't helped and it's fairly annoying choosing between not having any social interactions vs throwing up everywhere and being forced to sleep. I will add that I also have the same exact issue if I'm in a car for a period of time, luckily I live like less than a mile from everything I need.
Anonymous
>>39237239 Enjoy all the rest in the world siggy
you deserve it
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39226110 >Let's talk about the reasoning behind this for a bit, okay? Okay. I'll talk a little. Ive tried to change my perspective. I wanted to think that my future is in my control and I just have to go out there and talk to people. But lately ive been thinking differently. My whole life I have been completely socially isolated. Completely. I have no siblings every summer I would spend alone trying to pass the time. Honestly I dont really think I can recover. Ive tried to make friends and I have on some level but they dont really seem close or deep meaningful relationships that are close enough for me to feel comfortable. Honestly I dont think its evn possible to have a relationship where I feel close enough to someone. I think it will always feel like I'm alone no matter the circumstances. There been thoughts creeping in my mind that I probably will never have someone that loves me. I will never truly be comfortable living. Every one of my experiences with love have been unrequited. The most recent I developed feelings for my friend and did my best to let it go but I simply could not. So i just silently suffered even if I was also happy for my friend. Well just yesterday I learned that my friend got engaged. And honestly, my heart is racing. I guess I never really got over them. And the soul destroying feeling of unrequited love or similar to learning about your ex getting engaged I honestly feel both happy for them but also sick. Lately I've just been more outgoing and trying to meet and get to know as many people as I can. Simply if this is the end, I should at least try to turn it around. If this is the end, I should live like how people with little time left live: spending time with people. I simply really dislike life. I dont enjoy it. Lately it's been a struggle to get out of bed. (1/2)
Anonymous
>>39226110 But ive set up meeting playing tennis with coworkers this Thursday. Maybe I can deepen friendship with them. But honestly I dont really have hope. I'm fairly certain its probably too late for me to learn how to make friends. Ive Struggled with that my whole life and never really had friends ever throughout school and through college. Im simply broken. I can keep friends because I don't put in the effort because I cant bring myself because I am both depressed and struggle with trusting anyone. Im 26 now. Im approaching my 30s and I have no social skills whatsoever. Im really trying my best and whatnot but I guess if things dont work out these next seven weeks Im probably just going to have to let it all go. I tried but life isnt really for me. I guess the only thing keeping me going is faint hope that maybe things could get better in the future. And Ive been trying so so so so hard. But reality is showing that things probably wont get better. Everyday I fail to develop friendships. I can tell that some people actually like talking to me, and like my friend I really try my best for sustained exposure to people to hopefully develop strong bonds over time but its simply too hard and its not really happening or in the case of the best friend I ever made, I can tell that they just dont like me the same or as much as I like them and it hurts. Either way I am hoping to wait seven weeks because while it wont bring my family happiness, the least I can do is wait a few weeks for life insurance to be able to pay for self inflicted death. (2/2)
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>>39237239 I hope that you feel Powerful by tomorrow
Anonymous
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I'd like to stop obsessing and ruminating. I'd like to be able to sleep
Anonymous
Today I must cook and clean
Anonymous
Chances are the mail fucker broke my keyboard replacement cramming it into the mailbox. The box is.. bent. And the lock is jammed. I hate these people.
Anonymous
>>39245527 bad. very bad >:(
Anonymous
>>39245527 Oh no! Is there anyway you can get a replacement thanks to the mishandling?
Anonymous
>>39245546 >>39245864 Left a note for the jackass to fix it and if it isn't by tomorrow so help me god. If it is really knicked I will try to get my money back, chances are decent. If they expect me to send it back they can go fuck themselves however.
>>39226807 Sounds like his family is a ... weird sort. That sounds incredibly guilt trippy somehow.
>I plan on making his favorite meal and some special brownies, but its not exactly a surprise since I do that for him every year. Still, a lovely thing to have a tradition in its own right!
>>39228407 >>39233331 Sometimes we hope because we must. If meaning cannot be found it must be contrived. It is so fucking hard at times. It hurts often. But that is why I cling to people. Doing these things for one another can make things easier.
Anonymous
>>39229898 I get your point, I would not push you to it immediately. But there are important concerns that need addressing besides calorie intake, that is minerals, micros and protein. I would urge you to have yourself checked for any deficiencies. I don't mind you saying you can't do something as radical as what I suggested. I have faith you don't wanna feel weak or harm yourself. And yes what matters for now is that you are alive and want to be.
>which will go away if i stop dieting, i guarantee it. Don't worry, I am not gonna push this hard, now is not the time. We would have to get you comfortable with eating bit by bit in a way that does not make you miserable and only monitor your health nutrients wise. How does that sound? We can also talk about other things for now. I don't want you to feel ashamed or like you can't talk openly about things. How does this sound?
>>39232515 You are definitely most welcome to! Language learning is a lovely thing. Well, I do it out of obligation sort of (work related), but still. What do you use for it the most, some app, ccourses, books? I also always gladly listen to people just share their progress or challenges.
>>39232401 >>39234413 Ahh, that is tricky. I don't have much time posting there since I dedicate 100% of my /sig/ time to maintaining the thread, but I think I get you. I rarely talk about myself but in case you didn't know I'm a cis guy myself! I don't know if it helps to hear but, at least this thread I always made with a philosophy of radical acceptance. Even cishets are welcome, it's the only way to stop "not L/G/B/T enough" brain worms. At the same time I am sure you also crave just other guys to talk to. I wonder if there's something I could do without sinking a ton of time into the sigcord..
Anonymous
Finally seethed enough. Friend helped me calm down too.
>>39233344 >seeing people who were my friends...it hurts mind expanding upon this?
>>39235740 >>39237327 Oh, having a habit messed with really sucks. What happened?
>>39237469 Welcome, Anon! This general is a bit slow, hope you don't mind if we have a bit of a back and forth over the coming days. Is the motion sickness a new development? It sounds like you didn't have that issue before. Did you have a chance to get yourself checked, cause that is highly unusual, developing a sensitivity to motion sickness. Normally it is the other way around. Do you have any way to contact the people you used to play with? And do you think it would be worth trying to find locals too? It really sucks though that motion sickness kinda forces you into at most a spectator position for many games. You could try games that aren't first person, but I mean that would be a radical genre shift...
>>39237880 You're too kind.. thank you.
Anonymous
>>39245887 >Sounds like his family is a ... weird sort. That sounds incredibly guilt trippy somehow. Yeah, his parents weren't the best to him, especially growing up. They weren't originally planning on having any more kids, his mom was in his 40's, he was a surprise pregnancy, and I think they resented him at least somewhat for having to switch from laid back lifestyles to parenthood again. They weren't ever physical abusive, but he was rarely ever prioritized in his childhood, and they didn't approve of most of his hobbies. Hell, they didn't even approve of me when we were together after we got serious, I was labelled a "distraction".
Ironically, my parents also had me in their 40's but treated me the exact opposite of how my husband treated him.
He's gotten a lot better with his birthdays, before he didn't even want people to acknowledge it, nowadays he's fine with a celebration between the two of us and my mom giving him a little something, even if he still doesn't want the rest of the world to know about it.
Anonymous
>>39239754 >>39239834 (1/3, strap in.)
First of all, I am super super grateful for you taking the time.
Sounds like your social needs are cripplingly unmet. The lack of enjoyment out of life and the struggle to get out of bed are likely depression.
>Ive tried to make friends and I have on some level but they dont really seem close or deep meaningful relationships that are close enough for me to feel comfortable. What you are describing, these feelings of being unlovable, incapable of forming relationships, and the feeling of being unable to connect to people, are in my experience extremely common for people who grew up socially isolated. You are far, FAR from alone with all this. You are NOT broken. It feels that way, human nature is to extrapolate from past experiences, and if past experiences are a flat line we assume it will be this way forever.
>I developed feelings for my friend >I guess I never really got over them. Say, did you and I talk about this in the past, Anon? Heartbreak is a mess, and in your case it is especially bad because 1) a lack of friends makes us attach extremely to the ones we are closest to and any bit of distance from them can turn out catastrophic and 2) without a support network we don't have many ways to cope and distract ourselves from heartbreak.
>Lately I've just been more outgoing and trying to meet and get to know as many people as I can. >Simply if this is the end, I should at least try to turn it around. A good mindset to have, all things considered. There are some words of reassurance I feel you need. I need you to know that you are trying, and that you should hold your head up high. You are enough. It isn't about you being wrong, or doing wrong. It is not a matter of fault. It is circumstance. At worst, there are some things you may not know because nobody told you! That is often the crux. People often aren't even consciously aware of why they do/don't get closer to someone. And sometimes it's just trial and error.
Anonymous
>>39239754 >>39239834 (2/3)
Of course, I know those are just pretty words on their own, to feel them you will need to experience a change in your situation. I can try my best to suggestion actionable things to help you with that, because from what you said you are actually already doing pretty damn excellently, even if it doesn't feel like it. Even if you need more. I have faith you can get there. Because, and I mean that sincerely,
>Ive been trying so so so so hard. by God I can tell. And I wanna help you make all the effort you already put in to bear fruit.
>But ive set up meeting playing tennis with coworkers this Thursday. This is already excellent!
>I can keep friends because I don't put in the effort It sounds like you put in a lot of effort, actually. One thing you too seem to know is that a key aspect of making friends is repeated exposure. Forming the habit of talking to someone on a regular basis. That is essentially a habit that needs mutual development. Pinging someone frequently for example is already a massive win there.
>I struggle with trusting anyone. As for that. That is another aspect that you will find incredibly difficult. Openness. We have a flier on the subject of radical openness, but one way I think about it is the following way: One, letting yourself be reassured is scary. Overcoming the initial inhibition is hard. Not everyone has the emotional bandwidth to deal of course but the only way to know that is in turn asking. Two, even if we hear that we aren't a burden, believing that is not something that comes easy. Here is a thing you need to know about that: people are not convinced through arguments, but exhaustion. Our brains resist change, if we constantly changed our minds on a dime we would go insane.
Anonymous
>>39239754 >>39239834 (3/3)
So being unable to trust someone's word once? Twice? Ten times? Twenty times? Is more normal than you think if experience taught you the opposite. The only thing you can do is think about it. Ruminate. Notice thought patterns that make you stop dwelling on it and dwell on it some more. That is what internalizing is about, in this case. Engaging with something you don't believe in, but would like to. Hell,
>I can tell that some people actually like talking to me this is already a massive green flag, you know? Maybe we should try to more deeply explore the ways in which you feel a distance between them and you.
>I can tell that they just dont like me the same or as much as I like them and it hurts. You mean the heartbreak situation?
>>39242650 What thoughts are haunting you, anon?
>>39244235 Hope it's going well!
>>39241284 I do feel better besides the rage moment.
Anonymous
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>>39246548 I am glad to hear you are providing him with a feeling of family as it should be. It is a beautiful thing. Take pride in being that place of warmth.
Anonymous
>>39247061 >Hope it's going well! I just cleaned and I'll cook soon
Anonymous
>>39246148 Yup, I'm eating protein-rich foods and taking vitamins to try to avoid those issues. I'd recommend others to do so too if dieting.
Sorry if this is a silly question, but have you been "maintaining" the general like this all this time? Why? Do you a find this fulfilling? Is this your real personality? I mean, don't you get tired?
Θ
>>39226442 >oh like glass tupperware for meal prep? Indeed... and I've just now utilized them to store four days' stock of chickpea-based pasta with ground turkey, jalapeño peppers, and a creamy, four-cheese sauce (additional vegetables which I intend to pair with the dish are already frozen, and ergo not included).
Anonymous
I went to work even though I was sick hehe
Anonymous
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>>39249539 Now other people will get sick... Evil ass... horrid
Anonymous
>>39246438 >hope you don't mind if we have a bit of a back and forth over the coming days. I don't really mind, I'll usually check this place just before I sleep.
>Is the motion sickness a new development? Yes but no, yes as in I've always had motion sickness but just not to this degree, though as a kid it only really seemed to affect me if I was either in a car or if I was playing a game on a Sunday night and someone decided to take a bath.
>Did you have a chance to get yourself checked Around June - August of 2022, everyone around me recommended getting my iron levels checked to see if I had anemia, I went and got my blood taken and was told that I have an iron deficiency. I started taking iron supplements and it hasn't done much for the motion sickness.
>Normally it is the other way around Yeah which kind of sucks because you get all this advice from people who have suffered from motion sickness before and it just doesn't work. For example my mother suffered from motion sickness but according to her as soon as she started driving it went away.
>Do you have any way to contact the people you used to play with? Yeah but I'll end up losing contact again and not talking to anyone.
>And do you think it would be worth trying to find locals too? I have a friend group from school that I hang out with every couple of months, usually we go out drinking in a couple of bars. But other than I don't really talk to them directly other than to set dates on when to go out. But also where I live isn't exactly a social place, it's very decrepit and run down due to not having enough money. So unless I want to spend the money on a train ticket, hotel, food, drinks and whatever else just to go out in another city that's more sociable, which I can't really do because I'm in University, I can't really do much.
>You could try games that aren't first person I'll try finding a third person game or something, though I do feel like I'm gonna end up back at square one. Anyway, thanks.
Anonymous
I'm making my peace with the fact that I'm bipolar and prone to psychosis. It doesn't mean that my ideas are bad. I'm at a point where I can forgive the psychiatrists that have mistreated me in the past. I can see now that their intentions where good. They tried to shatter all of my illusions at once, which was incredibly painful. It did end up helping me. And I'm glad that they caught it when they did.
Anonymous
sleepy.. crazy how you can basically make an entire pot of soup out of cabbage and condiments, spices and such
Anonymous
>>39254745 What's the recipe
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>>39256247 I was winging it, combining ideas from different unrelated recipes. I really like kimchi as an extra in noodle soup so I started off with my chopped napa cabbage, garlic, and chili flakes, and ofc water. Of course I can't emulate the fermentation easily but I needed acid, something savory, and something sweet to deal with the acidity. So I salted the soup with with onions sauce and added konbu for a bit to get some savoriness. Added dried porcini too since that's what I had. Rice wine vinegar and sugar for for the acidity and sweetness. Some more garlic (granules this time) since it was still a little weak as I kept simmering. At the end I took a spoonful of tahini in a bowl, mixed it tablespoon by tablespoon with the broth (so it emulsifies), and then filled the bowl with the soup, adding some separately cooked rice noodles and peanuts. It was a hodgepodge but tasty. Coulda gone without the noodles too but I had those lying around for half a year and they had to go.
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>>39232401 >>39233344 this is why I stick to DMs and anonymous boards
Anonymous
>>39226091 Is it cool if I ask questions about living and working abroad here?
I'm in a new environment and I'm a little overwhelmed.
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>>39261643 OP himself worked in like 3 countries he'll def reply.
Anonymous
>>39226091 Ok I'm in a pretty weird spot when it comes to my life.
I'm not sure how to get myself out of it by myself anymore, I'm trying my best not to get depressed but hopelessness is still here.
Context:
>24 years old >Male >Went to college, got an IT Certificate >And a Software Development Degree >Spent a year looking for jobs/working with my grandfather for very little pay >Had a really rough week one time, felt dejected and told my dad about it >My dad said he could help me move abroad for a fresh start in a place with job opportunities and decent standard of living for the most part >I figure 'what the fuck, why not?' >Currently living with him in Australia >getting ready to make my stay here permanent so I can secure myself in a first would country >I REALLY miss my friends and family back home now >Still feeling hopeless and lonely about the whole situation but I will try to keep my chin up and keep moving forward What would you recommend someone like me?
I feel so fucking scared and dumb.
If you need more information let me know, keeping it concise for now.
Any advice or perspectives on this would be really helpful.
>I've been here for a week and I have three possible job opportunity I can try to bank on while I work on finding some online computer related work as well >The town I am in is small so if I want more high calibre office work I'd have to save up and move to the city which is 8 or so hours away from where my father stays >Living with dad is a little awkward at times, In m trying to make myself a little smaller each day >>39261778 >>39261818 Thank you, I appreciate the all clear.
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>>39152863 >my sweetie treatie hehe I know you will make it, do what you have to do. I know you will make me proud, just don't forget about making yourself feel it too. Farewell for now
-Z
Anonymous
>>39246438 >mind expanding upon this? It just hurts watching them forget I exist because I choose to not get close?
I am not sure
In general i find getting close to people hurtful
And yet keeping my distance hurts too
classic hedgehogs dilemma
but in this case...I just dont belong with them
Im different in my life enough and I have nothig to offer or provide and I refuse to open up or do more
Its just a blocked off bridge
And I am not ure its worth trying to unblock
and yet it hurts looking back
What could ahev been
Oh well
I have to move on
Anonymous
>>39226091 What a beautiful painting
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>>39249539 I'm sorry, Anon.
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what haircut should i get? I need inspo i can bring to the salon when i go again (i've been cutting my own hair since covid started).
Anonymous
>>39272865 Side profile for more informed hair advice
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>>39273859 Kinda true. I hate that I always feel terrible when I have time off. I want to do the things I enjoy but this lethargy and doom creeps in very quickly
Anonymous
bump cause i’m waisting time on the board instead of really important work
Anonymous
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>>39275239 what's your important work?
Also I'm
>>39272884 and realllly want advice on my hair. just spoke w an irl friend who said a wolf cut would work soo thoughts?
Anonymous
I will slowly catch up with the thread now. Napped for ages.
>>39247081 Lovely, what did you end up making?
>>39247571 First of all, very good. There are some things about caloric intake beside but I don't wanna dwell on it too much. Still, if you continue feeling physically weak you should have a doc check up on you. Is that a deal?
>Sorry if this is a silly question, not at all!
>but have you been "maintaining" the general like this all this time? Yep, since the 16th of December 2022 (
>>28777091 ), and I have made almost every thread since.
>Why? Do you a find this fulfilling? Very much so! I give back to a website I have found many of my closest friends on.
>Is this your real personality? Depends on what you mean? I don't put on much of a persona besides the fact I can step away from the keyboard at any point, breathe, and rethink, which I wouldn't be able to in person. I don't shy away from expressing when I am unwell or tired, and I have my own downs. Of course I do. But trying to be supportive and helping people grow is not a mask. I do have to reel myself in not to be self destructive doing it, which is why..
>I mean, don't you get tired? ..I take breaks when I do get tired! I used to respond to people daily initially. And my schedule made that possible at the time. Now I would burn out doing it. So my present schedule is about thrice a week.
>>39248413 Delicious! Actually, I haven't seen picked jalapenos anywhere in france.. Hm. I should look for them, I know they have them at restaurants. Even fresh I didn't see any and you make me crave some.
>>39249539 Sorry to hear, frien. Have you recovered since?
Anonymous
Tried using a nasal strip (I have a deviated septum I think) when running a mile and holy moly did it make it easier
Anonymous
Was in the hospital (nothing bad dw), my roommate was amazing and we had a great convo before parting ways. I wish I had asked to stay in touch but I didn't and I cried on the ride home because I would never see her again. It's nothing horny/sexual, she was just such an incredibly inspiring person and I feel like I could really use someone like that.
Anonymous
>>39251605 Goodie, then let's see..
>I started taking iron supplements and it hasn't done much for the motion sickness. Hm, in that case I would consider a follow-up. What is your diet like, if it is okay to ask? Using BMI as a crutch, are you underweight, perhaps?
> as soon as she started driving it went away. Yeah usually people grow less motion sick. It could be something inner ear related if balance and such were affected but that is just from my own experiences with an inner ear infection.
>Yeah but I'll end up losing contact again and not talking to anyone. Could you elaborate? As in, you start talking to them and things just .. stop? Who usually initiates? Are people too curt with you?
>But other than I don't really talk to them directly other than to set dates on when to go out. >it's very decrepit and run down due to not having enough money. Hm, do you live alone? Would you say it is okay enough to, for example, invite a friend over to cook with in spite of that? Or do you live in a dorm type of thing? What about peer groups to study with? That's also a good excuse. Some unis also have spots where people can hang out, which often end up being used for game nights and such. Does your uni have something like that?
>I'll try finding a third person game or something, I guess at the very least mind game stuff like amogus and town of salem would probs work, or tabletop sim.
>though I do feel like I'm gonna end up back at square one. It's all trial and error. We should definitely also explore how to keep your friendships maintained if people eventually outgrow a given game.
Anonymous
>>39253067 I think you have a beautiful outlook, anon. While I cannot relate with your experiences in a direct way, I do sympathize with your circumstances and it sounds like you are making the best out of it.
>I still feel like an alien all of the time. That however I think many of us can relate to in our own ways. But as you said, there are kernels of universality even in the experiences of ours that few people share. For all it's faults I am glad this site exists, and I mean, there is a reason I made this general. For people like you, you know?
>>39262378 >>39261643 Welcome, anon! Finally got around to respond, I'm always a bit slow but I always reply eventually, often even cross thread should the old one archive.
Lemme preface with telling you that it is perfectly normal that are overwhelmed given your circumstances. This shit is difficult and you are adjusting to a MASSIVELY disruptive change in your life. And given that?
>>Still feeling hopeless and lonely about the whole situation but I will try to keep my chin up and keep moving forward You are doing amazing on that front. Cut yourself some slack. You will feel very homesick, and you will need time to experience the new environment for a while to really know whether this is the right thing for you.
(1/2, gonna split since the post hit character limit)
Anonymous
>>39262378 >>39261643 (2/2)
>What would you recommend someone like me? >I feel so fucking scared and dumb. For now, I think I have to start off with two superficially contradictory ideas. 1) Standing still means death. 2) You need stability and comfort to ground yourself.
Depression flares up the less you do things. Staying at home, isolating yourself, massive red flags. What you need the most on that front is to reach out to friends and loved ones and try make do spending time with them in spite of the distance/time zone fuckery. In the resources there is a video on misery which describes a couple things that are really good at causing depression, like bedrotting or a messed up sleep schedule. Basically a things to avoid list. This is the "standing still means death" part. It is important for you to try and ground yourself with habits, find things to cope that work for you. Little rituals and such. And also try to find things in your new environment to enjoy. Maybe a cafe you can visit on the weekends, or a place related to a hobby you enjoy. As for "stability and comfort": all the above is useless if you run yourself ragged/end up going insane over it. You deserve rest. Don't try too much at once. You will also have to cope with wanting to just flee the situation and leave the country asap from time to time. As hard as it is.. stick to this for a year. You will sometimes freak out and just wanna bail. That is normal. What you need in those moments is not rock the boat and seek comfort, anything to soothe you in a sustainable way.
>I've been here for a week and I have three possible job opportunity I can try to bank on while I work on finding some online computer related work as well That's great already! In spite of everything, you are doing well. You really are. This shit is hard.
>Living with dad is a little awkward at times, In m trying to make myself a little smaller each day Mind expanding upon that?
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>>39264408 >It just hurts watching them forget I exist because I choose to not get close? I don't think they do, it is more a matter of habit forming. They might have falling out of the habit of initiating conversation with you. This is not something that is a failing of either side, and something that can be mended with time. How does that thought feel?
>In general i find getting close to people hurtful Can you express what hurts? Do you have particular fears? Baggage?
>And yet keeping my distance hurts too >classic hedgehogs dilemma Yes, you sound a bit avoidant.
>Im different in my life enough and >I have nothig to offer or provide What do you mean by that? Flip the script. If you were the other person, what would you expect from a conversation partner?
>And I am not ure its worth trying to unblock It is worth the effort, even if it fails in the particular case. Because the inhibitions will be troublesome. If you rid yourself of them success is a statistical inevitability.
>>39265613 I know right? I just had to share it.
>>39267467 Finally got around to it. How are you holding up, Anon?
>>39270071 Hey there! How are you doing?
RealOfficialPunishedMEFmoderVEVO (he/him)
RealOfficialPunishedMEFmoderVEVO (he/him) Sun 23 Mar 2025 00:00:34 No. 39277269 Report why is my makeup too yellow?
Anonymous
>>39272865 Happy belated cake day, anon! I see you are going for a theme there with your tats, porter robinson.. heh, last time I heard that name was when shelter came out.
I'm sadly no good with haircuts since I'm just a guy with long low maintenance hair in a ponytail but even I can tell your current haircut frames your face very well. Would you maybe like adding something to it but keep the general shape? Like a bit of a braid? Or do you wanna play with color, volume?
>>39277269 I don't quite catch that out of context. Also... MEFmoder? I haven't seen you around in sig for ages I think. Over a year at least. How are you?
>>39273898 Yes, which is why self care rituals and stuff like that are great. We need just enough structure to not rot and keep anxious minds busy while still resting.
>>39276272 Glad to hear it helped, anon! Have we talked about your running before? /sig/run/ seems to be gaining traction recently.
>>39276321 >how weird am I for having done this Not at all, had you come here to ask what to do I would have said "is there any way you can think of to try and reconnect?" And you did! If people use their clear name online like this it is only fair to assume they expect/wish to be found. You did great.
RealOfficialPunishedMEFmoderVEVO (he/him)
RealOfficialPunishedMEFmoderVEVO (he/him) Sun 23 Mar 2025 00:35:46 No. 39277694 Report >>39277679 i am distressed becoz my makeup is too yellow
“very light with cool undertones” and is still too yellow
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>>39226091 OP's pic is fucking sweet
Anonymous
>>39277073 >Welcome, anon! Finally got around to respond, I'm always a bit slow but I always reply eventually, often even cross thread should the old one archive Thank you, Anon. I appreciate the conversation and the help.
>Lemme preface with telling you that it is perfectly normal that are overwhelmed given your circumstances. This shit is difficult and you are adjusting to a MASSIVELY disruptive change in your life. And given that? Yeah, it's so much more difficult and isolating than what I expected.
>You are doing amazing on that front. Cut yourself some slack. You will feel very homesick, and you will need time to experience the new environment for a while to really know whether this is the right thing for you Yeah, my main reason is the fact that back home things are getting rough for us all and I need to think about my and my family's future.
I really want to have a life worth living for a change.
Anonymous
>>39276384 >What is your diet like Right now most of my diet consists of meat and carbs, I don't really have any dairy unless I'm adding cheese to my meals and I know for a fact that I don't eat enough vegetables or fruit. I would like to change that but it's pretty hard when you just have to make do with what's being bought.
>Using BMI as a crutch Right now I'm trying to lose weight so my BMI is 25.8 and it will probably drop even more over the course of this year, but I've also had a BMI of 20 before and still had these issues.
>It could be something inner ear related if balance Interesting, that would probably also explain my issues walking in a straight line and my ability to give myself vertigo.
>from my own experiences with an inner ear infection What was the experience like solving it?
>Could you elaborate? Discord love either banning my accounts or locking me out of them which sucks if you want to keep in contact with people. I've lost basically everyone I used to speak to back in 2016.
>Hm, do you live alone? Sadly not, I would if I could get a job, but like I said the city I live in sucks and to move I need money and to finish my education. Though when grand parents eventually pass, me and my sisters will get the house.
>invite a friend over to cook with in spite of that I would if the house I lived in wasn't a mess and if people stopped using the kitchen as a hang out spot even when people are trying to cook.
>What about peer groups to study with? The course I'm on is way too easy and because there's only 10 people you can get a lot more help from the tutor.
>Some unis also have spots where people can hang out Where I go to there's no real place like that, only cafeterias. There are clubs, but the only one I know of is the trans club and I don't feel like outing myself.
>which often end up being used for game nights and such Only thing I'm aware of is a charity event where you spend 10 GBP to play games for 24 hours, I do go but it happens twice a year.
Anonymous
>>39277089 >For now, I think I have to start off with two superficially contradictory ideas >1) Standing still means death >2) You need stability and comfort to ground yourself That all seems very important.
>Depression flares up the less you do things. Staying at home, isolating yourself, massive red flags. What you need the most on that front is to reach out to friends and loved ones and try make do spending time with them in spite of the distance/time zone fuckery. I try to talk to them as much as possible each and every day.
>In the resources there is a video on misery which describes a couple things that are really good at causing depression, like bedrotting or a messed up sleep schedule. Basically a things to avoid list. This is the "standing still means death" part. It is important for you to try and ground yourself with habits, find things to cope that work for you. Little rituals and such. And also try to find things in your new environment to enjoy. Maybe a cafe you can visit on the weekends, or a place related to a hobby you enjoy For now, I'm mainly going to the gym and the vocal store for now to keep myself socialised.
I wanna get some new equipment so I can get back into comfortably drawing again, to get my ideas out there.
>As for "stability and comfort": all the above is useless if you run yourself ragged/end up going insane over it. You deserve rest. Don't try too much at once. You will also have to cope with wanting to just flee the situation and leave the country asap from time to time. As hard as it is..stick to this for a year I wanna give myself 3, 4 or 5 months to get my shit together before I totally chicken out.
Anonymous
>>39277089 >You will sometimes freak out and just wanna bail. That is normal. What you need in those moments is not rock the boat and seek comfort, anything to soothe you in a sustainable way I usually like drawing and chilling in bed to soothe myself.
Exercise is just to keep active and sharp.
>That's great already! In spite of everything, you are doing well. You really are. This shit is hard. I really wanna make some money, find a good IT job and move out so I can try and persue something I like in my life.
Not a lot of options for a softie like me in this town but I'll try my best.
>Mind expanding upon that? I have an awkward history with my family, even my dad.
My parents do care about me, but I have habits and quirks that make it hard for me to be calm in most situations.
Anxiety, procrastination, germaphobia and just being overall just not being independent.
I love my family a lot, I just don't jell well with people they way a person should.
We're dealing with a lot of financial worry and the future looks bleak back home, so yeah.
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>>39277679 >Would you maybe like adding something to it but keep the general shape? Like a bit of a braid? Or do you wanna play with color, volume? Ooh good question. I'm considering maybee getting some layers put in? I have insanely thick hair anyway and have to brush it a bunch to get it flatter. Maybe a fringe too? I used to have a fringe but now it kinda goes down to my chin and gets in the way a lot. A wolf cut sounds fun, but it's a big commitment.
Anonymous
>>39276263 sometimes caretaker types can be resentful of the people they help. their care can become a masochistic script they make others act out with them. ..which is why i tend to be wary of them, and why i'm glad you know your limits.
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>>39277694 Which brand are you using? Some brands dont do cool tones well because they dont account for oxidation when mixing.
You may want to try a colour corrector or a foundation mixer to make things less yellow, or alternatively if it’s only slightly too yellow you could go for a lavender or peach toned setting powder on top
Anonymous
Hello. Shinjianon reporting back in.
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>>39282140 I'm new here and idk what's happening with you, but it sounds like you're taking back little bits of your quality of life. I'm really happy for you. Good luck with whatever it is you're facing at the moment <3
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>>39282345 Thats really kind of you to write. I dont know you or whatever problems you’re having in life that brings you to sig, but I hope you’re doing ok out there anon. Im dedicating my next bread to you
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Pg 9. Remember your sunscreen.
Misko
>Positive things >Negative things
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Pg 9. Remember
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>>39287311 I just cut my finger
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>>39287311 The 14th of September
Pg 9 of the cube
Is 21st of September
You'll need a sextant for the water
And a time machine to jump back to the 1990's
Anonymous
cut myself for the first time tonight, pretty small light cuts yet all i can think of is wanting to do it more, i need to bleed is what i felt in my head the whole time. im just going backwards
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>>39285843 Not Sig, but I can give advice for that political stuff, since that happened to me real bad.
Remember that the media wants you to be outraged and scared, since they profit on these emotions from you.
Try to limit the amount of news of this nature you look at, and see if you can limit it off of social media, as this is the WORST for cultivating an unhealthy mindset. Xitter is so bad about this.
Unironically, something that helped me was a strategy I saw on reddit, where someone said they only let themselves have half an hour of political stuff a day, like they were only allowed to engage with that material for 30 minutes in a designated time and then had to stop.
I get the appeal, I really do, and i'm not great about following these rules either, but they really do help.
Anonymous
>>39283902 <3
>>39289960 i used to selfharm excessively, and every time i would do it i would do it more aggressively and bleed more. it's left me with irreversible scars that are really difficult to cover now years later. definitely not worth doing. find another less damaging vice like smoking, please. i hope you find peace in your life.
>>39290812 good night :)
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>>39292371 >you should smoke instead is that a joke?
Anonymous
>>39292371 it feels worth doing because i need to bleed for being such a failure
Anonymous
>>39293317 what made you feel that way?
Anonymous
>>39293544 im a worthless failure and harm everyone i talk to, i feel constantly cold dead and numb and making myself bleed is the only way to feel anything
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>>39294067 >im a worthless failure and harm everyone i talk to that's not telling me why you feel that way. i'm asking for an inciting event. i'll settle for some reasoning behind that belief too.
the second part makes sense to me. self-harm has always helped with that on my end. i'm not going to tell you not to self-harm, but there are less dangerous forms of it like using blunt force (whipping, punching, etc.), as long as you avoid the spine. you could also get some hotsauce, and swish it around your mouth. a classic from mental health types is to use a bit of ice, or snapping a rubber band, but that's pretty cringe imo. i get that some aspects of cutting can't be replaced or replicated too, i just feel obligated to say.
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need to talk my parents into letting me quit my job/school arrangement and allowing me to be hikiNEET. cant take this shit anymore. but im not sure how
Anonymous
>>39294067 >harm everyone Thats what I aspire to personally, but everyone harms me instead
Anonymous
>>39292926 No, I think smoking is better than killing yourself.
>>39293317 Don't be a failure, get out there and make your life your own! You can do it. :)
Anonymous
>>39298283 >killing yourself from cutting the fuck are you dying from, embarrassment? meanwhile your lung cancer only makes you stronger?
even if you had a couple er trips from going too deep, you've not learnt a lot if you've taken up smoking instead lmao. once you're bored with that are you going to graduate to russian roulette?
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>>39297572 >thats what I aspire to personally, but everyone harms me instead i do it unintentionally can we swap i can take more being harmed cutting isnt enough
Anonymous
Certain obsessive thoughts tell me to kms and I mean how can I argue? People who are as disgusting as me deserve no more or less than death
Anonymous
well it took one day and i did it again, the constant stinging pain is so reassuring and comforting like i know this is how i should feel but ill be abandoned if i talk about it.
Anonymous
>>39246997 >>39247015 >>39247061 ty for the reply at least. it means a lot
>you will need to experience a change in your situation. yeah unfortunately while ive tried in the past i just can never truly get close to people. i guess it takes a long time but even then even people ive known a long time I dont necessarly ever even get close to. and people i do sorta get close to I just dont really seem that interested in me as a person that much and dont seem to get closer after a certain point. maybe people only really do that with their partners or childhood best friends or something, but if that's the case the world is just too lonely a place and I dont really like living in it. I see how close my friend is with her siblings and it's really enviable. I wish I had siblings. It seems like that sorta relationship could have filled the hole in my heart but unfortunately I have none.
>One thing you too seem to know is that a key aspect of making friends is repeated exposure I guess what I want is an unbreakable close bond where I feel like I could be my whole self around who legitimately loves me for who i am and i love them back. and I guess maybe it sounds like a romantic relationship, but i mean a completely platonic one. Maybe one person cant be everything and I need lots of friends idk.
>Maybe we should try to more deeply explore the ways in which you feel a distance between them and you The distance is that while I am so immensely interested in other people and truly love meeting and getting to know people. I truly do. Others just dont really seem to be interested in me back. I totally understand not everyone has the bandwidth and I dont blame anyone, its just that nobody is ever really very interested in me back. Just as a person. Well in some ways I am closed off and have been so long maybe ive never given anyone a chance to latch onto anything because I dont talk enough about myself.
Anonymous
>>39246997 >>39247015 >>39247061 >Say, did you and I talk about this in the past, Anon? We did yes. I think the problem is that I dont have anyone else to confide into other than the person that I was sad about and that made it hard to move on. Now that they are engaged I think it makes it different and easier to let go. The tennis was fun and we are doing it again this week. Maybe I can get closer to these group of people. Also at work I talked to a coworkers that I am interested in getting to know more and I found out she was lesbian and is leaving soon in two months to be with gf. And also she is close to trans man at same workplace. I am a detransitioner and have literally never ever told anyone ever other than medical professionals due to being so afraid of people judging me. I want to tell them both who I am. maybe it can lead to strong friendships. She seems fun and cool person and so does he. Still though, I'm still not swayed away from ending it. It's a nice try but I still dont really live living too much.
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Kind of failed to be productive today
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>>39298956 Assuming you don't cut too deep and let it just take you. I've been there in the past but luckily a neighbor found me. Cutting is a slippery slope. Also smoking is easier to quit and less immediately damaging.
Anonymous
>>39302775 >Also smoking is easier to quit and less immediately damaging. it isn't. One of the few common drugs more addictive than nic is heroin. It is on par with cocaine. This is not an exaggeration, it is what I found when researching this in in the past. Quitting tobacco is unfathomably hard actually. Not trying to butt your head here but this is a common misconception. No other substance as addictive as nic would be legalized today. It's purely historical reasons and ease of access.
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>>39302775 im not cutting deep at all ill be fine, just enough to bleed
Anonymous
>>39303721 I don't think this is true. Src: I had an opium addiction, but have hard quit smoking twice with a five year gap between quitting and starting again.
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Time to slowly but surely catch up with the thread.
>>39280932 >>39280988 >>39281050 Always happy to help, hope it's alright I always take a bit to respond, though. But yeah, the loneliness will be your biggest enemy. In all of this. Of course, bear in mind what your dad did. Maybe there are people from your old home country you would like to help make the jump as well later. Well, that's future talk, don't mind me.
>That all seems very important. If you have any questions regarding details, don't hesitate to ask, alright? I hope talking things out is helpful, I hope my perspective adds a bit.
>I try to talk to them as much as possible each and every day. Very good. It sounds like you are already finding means to ground yourself, pursuing hobbies and keeping yourself socialized is a great start. You might even make friends at work once you found a place.
>I wanna give myself 3, 4 or 5 months to get my shit together before I totally chicken out. A good idea. It will get easier with time. For now the best we can do is monitor and course correct/play things by ear. Job hunting for example is always a chaotic process, and like you basically said you may need to move. But one thing after the other, right? How do you feel about your surroundings culturally? Did anything give you a culture shock?
>My parents do care about me, but I have habits and quirks that make it hard for me to be calm in most situations. >I love my family a lot, I just don't jell well with people they way a person should. >We're dealing with a lot of financial worry and the future looks bleak back home, so yeah. Ah I see, so many small sources of friction but not necessarily major baggage or bad blood. That's good. And yes, given those circumstances it is only natural that there is an undercurrent, a tension. Would you say you are generally an anxious person? Since you mention staying calm?
Anonymous
>>39281837 Sounds like inspiration struck! I think that would already be plenty material to discuss with a competent hairdresser, at least I don't think i could add more, myself. You could of course also ask in other generals or check out
>>>/fa/ for inspo but I never frequented the board so I do not know what they are like.
>>39277694 Still around, MEFmoder?
>>39278941 Those memes are always good fun, though I do strongly believe that especially with onset depression and things like it working through the pyramid is a genuinely helpful approach.
>>39280941 >it's pretty hard when you just have to make do with what's being bought. Oh I see! Right, as long as you depend on your family (grandparents and sisters, right?) regarding groceries things are tricky. Would they listen to suggestions/requests?
>Right now I'm trying to lose weight so my BMI is 25.8 and it will probably drop even more over the course of this year, but I've also had a BMI of 20 before and still had these issues. Okay, in that case I'll assume it is at least not just malnutrition, though it might be good if you had yourself checked again to see if the supplements do their job or whether you need other things too.
>issues walking in a straight line and my ability to give myself vertigo. MASSIVE flag, get this stuff checked ASAP if you can! This is almost guaranteed something neurological or inner ear related and you should have it checked. Online stuff claims it might be BPPV which would be an easy fix but I would never self diagnose for this stuff.
>What was the experience like solving it? It was a viral infection I believe and could just be dealt with with a good while of bed rest and meds, I was quite young and remember little of it but it still immediately rang a bell.
(1/2, fucking character limit..)
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>>39280941 (2/2)
>Discord love either banning my accounts or locking me out of them which sucks if you want to keep in contact with people. One thing I strongly recommend, generally, is to have a "tether" or "backup contact": an email you plan to keep for years to come stuff like that. If you really trust them, phone numbers. But of course that's not fixable after the fact, this kinda stuff sucks.
>I would if the house I lived in wasn't a mess and if people stopped using the kitchen as a hang out spot even when people are trying to cook. Yeah this makes things difficult, I assume then that they also wouldn't respect it if you told them "I am gonna need the kitchen from X:XX to Y:YY, ok?"
>There are clubs, but the only one I know of is the trans club and I don't feel like outing myself. Oh, that's tricky. You say it's the only club you're aware of. And it sounds like the group of people in your course is small enough that everyone at least knows everyone. Would there be a point in chatting them up and asking them about clubs/their own interests if you haven't? Also, regarding the tutor thing: that's a shame actually, ironically for those who are good at the subject more than those that struggle since explaining concepts to others is essential to deepening knowledge for certain subjects, in my opinion.
>>39281943 Very much so, I am aware of these pitfalls and try to avoid them. And after all, I can't insist on everything without scaring people who want to improve off. We as people can't work on everything at once. I openly encourage people to be weary of me. I am fallible. And I need critical voices. I need feedback, too. Not every advice I give can be applicable or even well-rounded, right? I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable for example. It is a tough balance to strike because especially things like eating and weight will always be deeply uncomfortable subjects for many people. And I gotta encourage engagement with the uncomfy.. to a point but no further.
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Hi /sig/, Panty here again.
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>>39285843 I'm happy to hear you improved your diet, and take the time to enjoy a wonderful creative outlet such as drawing.
>-My best friend died a few months ago and it still is really hard, I can't make any jokes or humor without feeling depressed That is only human. Grief is not something we can speedrun, and the best, almost the only thing we can do really I feel, is be there for and support one another. Do you have other friends and loved ones to talk to about your friend? Doomscrolling is an epidemic especially in [current times], but the other anon does have a point. It gets easier the more we focus on things we are in control of... to the extent circumstances allow.
>>39289960 >>39294067 I am sorry to hear, anon. I understand you want to hurt yourself, punish yourself because you feel you are being bad. I strongly advise against starting smoking, and I can assure you that cutting, even though it grants you temp relief from the numbess for a brief moment, will only make it worse in the long run. We can help you be good by your own metric, something which by virtue of the situation you are in you feel incapable of. But.. I can assure you that is only because of circumstance. You can bring happiness to people you care for. I promise. Would you like us to help you with it? Sometimes we might push you to do uncomfortable things, but I can guarantee you that they will lead to what you actually want, which is not self punishment, but getting better. It's why you are here after all. I'll have to ask you a few questions though.
Since when did you start feeling numb? Are you repressing something? What are your living circumstances? What makes you are "failure"? How specifically do you hurt people?
>>39296767 Sounds like burnout. Could you elaborate what your situation is like? I think we both know your solution is extreme but I want to understand your reasoning.
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>>39299337 >People who are as disgusting as me Let's start simple. What is it that disgusts you about yourself?
>>39282140 Happy to see you Shinjinon, as always. I am so glad that finally you got some working meds at least. Do keep us posted on their effect. Could it be the confrontational approach like this tends to have a higher success rate? I feel like I am extrapolating from two data points so I am not exactly confident in that thought.. but most of all I am glad something works.
>It’s really good to be eating bread again. I’ve really missed that. And I am genuinely happy to hear that. By God, you really deserve some nice things like that, not because of the circumstances. But because you're you. Hope the GP is gonna have some sense, or at least that can have some sense forcibly entered into his skull.. The bread looks lovely!
>>39299657 Self punishment is a common theme in self harm. First of all, shame is your enemy. Nobody here will abandon you talking about it. I only want to help, free of judgment. I know you want to do it, and I understand it "feels right" for you to do it. But the issue with feelings is that they are usually contradictory, and that following one feeling, especially something that leads into addictive spirals like this, will eventually clash with other feelings. You don't wanna be cols/numb to people. Bit self harm tends to make you isolate. So there will naturally be a clash. Are there people you love/care for? What are things that deeply matter to you? What do you value in other people?
>>39302015 Some days are duds, it sucks.. sometimes I help myself with a small token win on bad days. Updating sig can be a victory in its own right, for example. It helped me over a couple of bad days in the past. How was your day today?
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A couple bigger responses are missing still but I need a break. I'll get back to it in an hour or so.
>>39297572 I would love to hear about your circumstances, Anon.
>>39303831 These things are different from person to person but as far as I know, but statistically speaking it's true. The vast majority of smokers try quitting, and the vast minority of smokers do. There are very effective and successful strategies, though, that greatly improve chances. Nic is insidious because physical dependence is moderate but psychological is massive and liability is cited to be exceptionally high. Wikipedia for example cites morphine/heroine as (according to one study) the most addictive substance, followed by coke and then nic, both of which outrank ethanol and barbiturates. If course all of this is just infodump autism on my part. It's just interesting how high nic ranks consistently. This is not meant to invalidate your own experiences. Nonetheless I'd of course advise against cigs as a coping mechanism, especially in a case where emotional repression is the issue like with the anon that started this conversation. Chances are they need outlets and don't know how to cope without retreating into themselves.
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>>39306464 >we both know your solution is extreme its not. i just dont see the point of staying in school. im too old for this shit and im not learning anything useful. and i hate work. i just want to stay in my room and watch youtube. the world has nothing i want
Anonymous
>>39306331 >Would they listen to suggestions/requests? They'd probably listen if it was something cheap, since they are also poor. If I was less dependent on them and had my own funds I feel like I'd be in a better spot to fix my diet, which would hopefully solve some other issues.
>though it might be good if you had yourself checked again I'll try doing one of those at home blood tests and if anything seems off I'll try doing an appointment with my GP.
>MASSIVE flag, get this stuff checked ASAP if you can! Will try but it's probably gonna take a really long time. Like months, if not a year.
>>39306341 >is to have a "tether" or "backup contact" Have tried using different contact methods before as a sort of backup and it's 50/50 if I actually get back in contact. For example, 2016 had people using keybase (I had to search and find what this was called because it's just been that long and none even used it) as an alternative method to keep in contact in case of Discord banning their account. Obviously that didn't work, but in the most recent ban I was able to keep in contact with the one dude because we had each other on Telegram and he actively uses it.
>I assume then that they also wouldn't respect it if you told them Yep.
>You say it's the only club you're aware of. Actually there's a debate club that runs through my lesson so I can't go.
>Would there be a point in chatting them up and asking them about clubs/their own interests if you haven't? Majority of people are also exactly the same as me, very quiet and not really speaking to each other unless they are in a discussion with the tutor. So I'm not really sure where I would start.
>ironically for those who are good at the subject more than those that struggle since explaining concepts to others is essential to deepening knowledge for certain subjects True, but it becomes less like that in uni, meanwhile in college I spent like 3 years doing nothing except playing games because I knew all the material,
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>>39296767 >>39306824 if you want to be a happy neet, and stay in touch with reality, you need semi-frequent social contact and actively engage your mind (hobbies). this is my experience, but i do think it's going to be true for almost everyone. just something to keep in mind if you go through with it.
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>>39299939 >>39300083 >ty for the reply at least. it means a lot I am happy to be there, best I can be.
>yeah unfortunately while ive tried in the past i just can never truly get close to people. >i guess it takes a long time but even then even people ive known a long time I dont necessarly ever even get close to. We could explore and try to "debug" the hows and whys of that.
>and people i do sorta get close to I just dont really seem that interested in me as a person that much and dont seem to get closer after a certain point. >maybe people only really do that with their partners or childhood best friends or something These thins strongly depend from person to person, but generally a lot of people in my experience will let you very close.
Some people like that exist but no, you are not condemned to being this isolated.
>I guess what I want is an unbreakable close bond where I feel like I could be my whole self around who legitimately loves me for who i am and i love them back. I think this kind of thing is attainable. Even Platonically.
>Maybe one person cant be everything and I need lots of friends idk. That however is true. Even really, really deep connections would be unhealthy if they were the only one. You need a support network not because one relationship can't be as deep as you need it to be but because it takes many people to smooth out emotional strain that is part of every relationship, sharing pains and successes, seeking comfort... and of course, seeking validation. Sometimes you will disagree with or be unsure of an exchange with a loved one and need a 3rd party pov. If you only have one, you are stuck festering in your own thoughts, that is not good for the relationship or you.
(1/2)
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>>39299939 >>39300083 (2/2)
>The distance is that while I am so immensely interested in other people and truly love meeting and getting to know people. >Others just dont really seem to be interested in me back. >Just as a person. How often would you say do you try to find connective tissue between your inner workings and a subject you know your conversation partner is interested in?
>We did yes. I think the problem is that I dont have anyone else to confide into other than the person that I was sad about and that made it hard to move on. That ties back into the point above about having only a single connection, yes.
>Now that they are engaged I think it makes it different and easier to let go. You definitely need to cling, I think. It is okay to keep some distance for a while if (like you do) you supplement with others, but letting go is a bad call. The above is true the other way around too. A romantic relationship where one or both partners shed platonic connections will not last. It can't. A single human no matter how much they love you needs a varied pool of people to interact with to not go insane, and to have people mediate.
>The tennis was fun and we are doing it again this week. I urge you to give it a shot yes! And the thing with your colleagues: absolutely, go for it! I am rooting for you.
>Still though, I'm still not swayed away from ending it. It's a nice try but I still dont really live living too much. I mean, the you that is in the present is not the one that needs swaying, the only thing you need to be convinced of is making the you that might be swayed happen. And afaict you are working on becoming a person that might have things to live for.
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>>39306824 Sorry if I came off as judgy or anything, I didn't mean to...
Tell me about the things you do enjoy, what kind of school we are talking about, and what got you to enroll in the first place.
Also what your broader interests are, ideally. Not everyone should have to work (at least full time) for a living. I agree with that other anon 100%. This obligation makes things extremely difficult for everyone.
>>39306458 Heya Panty! Sounds like your collection is growing.
>Hard to resist the idea of a healthy pink salad. I made something semi healthy but extremely pink the other day. Red beet béchamel sauce fortified with goat cheese.
The handkerchiefs are adorbs by the way!
>Oh, and I tried a new kind of stim toy; stickers with bumpy textures. That sounds super cute, mind sharing a pic at times?
Anonymous
Calling it a night.
>>39307045 >They'd probably listen if it was something cheap, since they are also poor. In that case I can think of a few things. It STRONGLY depends on the country what is cheap but at least some kind of starchy veggie or grain and several root veggies should always be fair game. Bell peppers are a great source of vit c and usually cheap. With a bit of research maybe they could be convinced. There are many very healthy (and low cost) dishes one can make, one pot recipes even. If currency per calorie is something that would sway them we could try to think of something they could eat too.
>If I was less dependent on them and had my own funds I feel like I'd be in a better spot to fix my diet, which would hopefully solve some other issues. 100%. Stupid question perhaps but what is the timeline of your education for now? When would you roughly grad?
>Will try but it's probably gonna take a really long time. Like months, if not a year. Yeah this shit always sucks, but does a GP appointment take months too?
>Majority of people are also exactly the same as me, very quiet and not really speaking to each other unless they are in a discussion with the tutor. >So I'm not really sure where I would start. Hmm. Do you have any clue about their interests? It would really be great to contrive a reason to spend time together. If they are a bit awkward you might be able to snipe them and just have them hang out for a coffee somewhere. Hm. I assume everyone knows everyone by name already at least?
>True, but it becomes less like that in uni My case was mostly like that during my Ba/Ma/PhD years. Tutoring people in my Master and during my PhD as well as supervising Ma/Ba students was integral to me, and peer learning with peers usually helped me the most when I was the one understanding the material.
"M"
>>39308032 You have received a voicemail.
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>>39306770 >How was your day today? It was okay... I got in a decent workout but didn't have time to do much in terms of chores
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>>39306146 >Always happy to help, hope it's alright I always take a bit to respond, though. But yeah, the loneliness will be your biggest enemy. In all of this. Of course, bear in mind what your dad did. Maybe there are people from your old home country you would like to help make the jump as well later. Well, that's future talk, don't mind me Yeah, my dad is taking a risk with me being here so I need to treat this opportunity with reverence.
I really want to help my family and friends out but I can't do much at my current level.
I wish I wasn't so broke and bad at everything.
>If you have any questions regarding details, don't hesitate to ask, alright? I hope talking things out is helpful, I hope my perspective adds a bit Yes, thank you, I appreciate the perspective.
It's good to have some mature advice on how to handle this situation.
>Very good. It sounds like you are already finding means to ground yourself, pursuing hobbies and keeping yourself socialized is a great start. You might even make friends at work once you found a place I wanna keep wanna keep as many of my previous relationships going as possible, I've kinda given up the idea of making more friends here but I will continue to network and save face.
Can't risk colleagues and employers knowing about how I am as a person.
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>>39226091 I guess I had a rough today, anons; spent all day yesterday and today binging after a week-long restriction/starving. I think I have fallen back into the well again, can't move, can't stop crying, can't stop the thoughts, and I think this time, I really don't wanna try anymore. Sorry if that does not fit the theme of the thread, but I guess I am on my last legs.
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>>39312665 >restriction/starving it's pretty normal to engage in binging behaviour when low restricting, so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. i understand the temptation of low restriction, but if you want to stick to it long-term and stay healthy it'd be better to high restrict (while eating the right foods!). doing this will heavily reduce cravings, so i think it'd be worth continuing to try, just without making it as hard as possible for yourself lol.
honestly, i don't know your circumstances. you're using ed terminology, but i am assuming you're overweight? if you're not then my advice would generally be the same, except i'd preface it with asking to stop restriction entirely. but who'd listen to that?
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>A good idea. It will get easier with time. For now the best we can do is monitor and course correct/play things by ear. Job hunting for example is always a chaotic process, and like you basically said you may need to move. But one thing after the other, right? >How do you feel about your surroundings culturally? Did anything give you a culture shock?
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>>39308032 >It STRONGLY depends on the country what is cheap but at least some kind of starchy veggie or grain and several root veggies should always be fair game Will check local shop on Friday after I'm finished with uni.
>what is the timeline of your education for now? Will finished first year of FdSc in a month, after second year I'll have to do a BSc (hons) for a specific field. So like 2 years and a bit before I can start applying with proper qualifications.
>but does a GP appointment take months too? Wait list to meet with a specialist, like physical therapy had like a 2 year wait list so I just never did it.
>Do you have any clue about their interests? Loosely, nothing really stood out as a common interest.
>It would really be great to contrive a reason to spend time together. Already had that via a group project, didn't really have any interactions with each other till the last week where we had to send it off and do a presentation, nobody kept in touch. Maybe next time though.
>I assume everyone knows everyone by name already at least? Yep
>Tutoring people in my Master and during my PhD as well as supervising Ma/Ba students was integral to me Closest I could get to this would be doing the teaching course and shadowing the college course, but teaching doesn't pay well and I want to get done with this as soon as possible.
>peer learning with peers usually helped me the most when I was the one understanding the material It feels weird saying this but the human element is sort of gone and has been replaced with "just use chatgpt", but I also feel like if the course was much more practical based it would be less like that. For example I did a hospitality course, before I got to where I am, and you had to cook 3 times a week and do table service in a restaurant, you had to be willing to socialize with each other to make sure everything goes well and all things considered it was ran smoothly, but I couldn't really continue that and now I'm back to square one.
Anonymous
everyone thinks i'm stupid or lazy, i guess because they've managed to find a balance between themselves and others (which to me just seems like they've given themselves up completely but whatever). i just went to the doctor to get referred to mental health services (again). he prescribed me drugs (again), which i'm probably not going to take (again).
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Had a minor anxiety attack at school today and had to hide in a bathroom stall to calm myself. I can't handle this pressure, my drinking is spiraling out of control, I'm an outsider in my classes, its all just too much. I should probably call my psychiatrist but I know that she's going to be fucking useless again. I know that I have severe social anxiety and I've brought this up with her multiple times but she doesn't even validate (much less treat) it, even though another psychiatrist at a mental hospital actually confirmed it to her in writing and she's fucking old and I hate her retarded platitudes
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>>39314404 Update: Turns out that I forgot to take my schizopills three days in a row, which explains why today was rough. Hate that I need them to be relatively normal
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>>39314394 Sorry you’re dealing with that anon. my dumb browser reloaded and deleted everything I wrote but I’ll try again:
What is he prescribing you atm?
Your doctor asking you to self-diagnose may be a question of him needing you to do so to justify a referral (/avoid it getting rejected), assuming he wants to help you get to a therapy group. Most of the time having a diagnosis is the magic key that unlocks access through healthcare and health insurance, so that may be why he is pushing for it.
This isnt me saying you have to accept whatever treatment options are thrown at you, or that all doctors are well-intended, it’s more that doctors sometimes have to write and apply for everything in extremely specific ways and regularly forget to properly explain that to patients.
>he kept insisting I only have depression and social anxiety. maybe autism, which i personally doubt. Out of curiosity what do you think you have then, and have you ever been properly tested for it?
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>>39315994 Ah. Glad to see you remembered anon, but sorry it got so bad you ended up with a mild anxiety attack. Hope you feel a little calmer now
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>>39316019 >what is he prescribing you atm i forgot what he gave me this time. i didn't pick it up. right now i'm in a very good place from dieting, which always puts me in a good place-- it's pretty much the only thing that gives me stability. i don't want to mess it up taking brainmelt pills. but i'll consider them anyway.
>the doctor is a good boy the thing is I DON'T KNOW if my mood shifts are normal, or if my interpersonal issues are just me being me. i'm not going to talk shit and try to upsell it. i hate having to do that, it makes me feel so pathetic. which is why i shouldn't have gone down that road with him in the first place; i don't particularly want to see a guy who's going to DSM all over me. although unfortunately the idea has sometimes been appealing.
anyway, he did refer me to a place with a therapy group available, it seems. so i'm going to try to weasel into that when that happens. so all's well that ends well. it's only that i'm reminded of how sticky people generally are and why i stay indoors, and that's a thought that usually belongs to the more unstructured me.
>what do you think you have then nope i've never been diagnosed and, yup, i still don't know! maybe it's nothing at all. but if i could be diagnosed with an allergy to people, that'd make sense, since everything gets worse the more i'm in contact with them. honestly idk what to say to questions like that. about autism, it's partly that i don't want to be 'autistic'. it's an annoying label.
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>>39316557 Sorry if I mess up or sound patronising, anon. I’m trying
>right now i'm in a very good place from dieting I can understand feeling extra apprehensive towards most psychiatric medications if your weight worries you. It’s a pretty shitty side effect.
For some medications like antidepressants there are a few variants that dont have weight gain as a common side effect, so if you do end up deciding to try that might be worth keeping in mind for future med discussions with your doctors
>”the doctor is a good boy” Just want to reiterate: I dont necessarily think he’s a good person or a good doctor. I guess what I’m saying is that even mediocre doctors want referrals to run as smoothly as possible, since it’s far less work for them than the opposite.
>try to upsell it By self-diagnosing or saying you find certain aspects of your life unbearable? Because if it’s the latter, then feeling like you’re upselling your issues is kind of common when you’ve been struggling with them for long enough that they’re “normal” to you desu. However assuming for a moment that isnt the case for you, upselling can still be a necessary evil if you want help, since underselling wont get you anything but the stress of struggling alone, unnoticed.
Feeling pathetic in some capacity when seeking help is probably unavoidable. Sadly. It’s one of those embarrassing discomforts of life that you have to swallow in order to increase you comfort further down the line, I think
>Sticky people >Allergy to people >I dont want to be ‘autistic’. It’s an annoying label Is it primarily people’s overall behaviour and presence you dont like/find stressful, or are there more specific things at play?
I dont know how to put this without accidentally sounding like I’m armchair diagnosing you, but being opposed to the idea of being autistic is something a psychiatrist will probably point out as potentially fitting into an autistic PDA profile (1)
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Hi i haven’t posted in a while even though I was supposed to so I got those flowers Valetines Day and they were rather lovely and they just felt so perfect. Although it was 50 bucks it felt like it was enough and to be honest it didnt feel like a waste of money to me at all I never felt like I was wasting it on my dog. I have been doing my a bit better I passed a class, but I wish I did better I passed with a C, but I always put things off and I really hate that I do that a lot. Ummm I stopped taking Psyllium Husk because apparently in a research it was confirmed that had some type of lead and that fucking sucks so god damn fucking much it was helping me with my stomach problems and the chance I was consuming lead sucks so fucking much. I just want my stomach to be better because at this point it feels like I am taking Imodium pills every other day. I don’t really look to see if that one account is gone that much anymore, but I still want to believe that it wasn’t that, but reality is never that kind. To be honest I have been deluding not only that issue but I think for my life and right now it feels like I have been living a lie. I realized I have been just living a reptitve cycle for so many years and just been repeat after repeat and there has been cycles that I have repeating and its just such bullshit. To be honest it is just like how was I supposed to tell anyone about the POCD because even though it was out of control and I needed help I always felt like they would tell me its a lie and that I was just straight up one. The renters in my house think I am a pedo, but I know that isn’t true I was just worried about the kids and their lives I was thinking of calling CPS a year ago but I dont want them anywhere near the foster care system because of how terrible it can be towards them. I know at least that my dad is watches them and I think it was for the best to me at least I think they are more happier now.
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>>39317256 (2)
Not that that automatically means you have it, but it’s probably something they’ll note if they’re aware of the term.
If you feel up for it you can take most psych approved ADHD and autism tests online these days. Irl tests have more components to them than the written part so it isnt meant as a replacement for actual diagnosis, but it can help give you an idea of whether to rule it out completely or not, without the pressure of being at a psych’s office.
And again: I am not necessarily saying you have it. Nor am I saying that you have to accept a potential diagnosis that is given to you. I’m just trying to go over how a lot of doctors operate (afaik) to help you navigate it all. Because it sounds like you’re having a bad time
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>>39306146 >Ah I see, so many small sources of friction but not necessarily major baggage or bad blood. That's good. And yes, given those circumstances it is only natural that there is an undercurrent, a tension. Yeah, I'm not a normal person and I don't really have a 'normal' family.
I'd really like to move out to be on my own one day while still supporting my family as best as I can.
For now I just have to build up my career and cash and move out in 1 to 2 years hopefully (assuming I work like a mad dog for a while).
>Would you say you are generally an anxious person? Since you mention staying calm? Yes incredibly so but I am managing to keep myself unemotional about stuff recently, thankfully.
I just need to learn to let people be what they are around me and just focus on myself and my goals.
Any advice on becoming more mature and independent?
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Detransition tips?
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>>39317256 it's not really about the weight. that's secondary. it's more about how it'll affect my mood. i have two main moods usually, but on reflection neither of them are particularly pleasant or sustainable, except, weirdly, the one caused by dieting, which has me 'up' without the expected anxiety or the usual discomfort caused by happiness. an increase in appetite may jeopardise that, but any impact it has on my mood can do that as well.
>unbearable >they're "normal" to you right, the above is normal to me so it's hard to say it's unbearable. i do think it's inconvenient, but i don't know if it's normal for others, or if it's bad enough to qualify as an issue.
>general or specific things i don't like being looked at, just because i don't want people to know about my existence. i also do worry a lot about things like if i smell, how loud i breathe, whether i look weird, etc.
but i also think it's really stupid the way people expect you to play pretend with them. i hate having to say canned lines, give fake smiles, avoid certain topics, know when someone doesn't mean what they say, etc., etc. it's draining, it's dishonest, and it's disheartening people seem to like me more when i follow 'the rules'. it's me going on a diatribe like that that has had people say to me, "maybe you're autistic!"
>unnoticed they either don't try to understand or they're incapable of it. i don't think it's malicious, but my experience over the years has left me with that impression. i spent two years with one therapist and no matter how hard i tried that's how it turned out.
>patronising no, you're absolutely fine. i'm sorry i'm being difficult. i am probably going to end up talking to these people again though, despite me thinking it's a waste of time. it's nice to write everything down and order my thoughts so thanks for that.
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>>39323050 Hmm. When your mood goes up from dieting, is it mainly because the physical sensation of starving feels pleasant, or is it more because it feels nice to be in control of something for once? And has anything else ever given you the same “high” as dieting?
>I dont know if that’s normal to others Having two main moods and both of them being some shape of unpleasant isnt within the range of whats considered normal and healthy, no. Being passively discontent or overwhelmed shouldnt be your default, and being happy shouldnt be uncomfortable. Normally those are seen as signs of stress. which isnt great news for your immune system. So I would definitely say it is bad enough to qualify as an issue worth treatment, yes.
>they either don't try to understand or they're incapable of it. Were you going to regular/general therapists with no specialized skills within the field (ie. through a private practice that doesnt advertise themselves as specializing in anything)?
Because if you were, then the vast majority of them are only really trained in understanding the most commonly presenting psychological issues, like workplace induced stress, or depressions following common sources of grief (losing elderly parents, losing a pet, losing a job, etc). Anything beyond that usually requires seeing a more specialised therapist or being referred to an outpatient hospital program
>i’m sorry i’m being difficult It’s alright, I was just worried about how it would come across. You’re going through a tough time so I think even if you had gotten upset about my post it would be understandable, to some extent. I’m glad it helped you order your thoughts a little. Hoping for the best for you, anon
Anonymous
>>39321470 Ignore, I hate this desu
Anonymous
>>39327629 do you want to talk about it
Anonymous
Anonymous
>sleep 14 hours >still wake up tired as shit
Anonymous
>>39329877 you might have some kind of deficiency
Anonymous
>>39329089 Impostor syndrome that gets better and worse.
I’ve calmed down since. I dunno how to help it besides trying to calm myself down
It’s about me putting on masks for life and that hits everything including gender stuff. It gives strong repper vibes, internalized transphobia etc
Anonymous
>>39330189 hope deficiency
Anonymous
Anonymous
I think I'm losing my mind
Anonymous
When I first started browsing this board I got pinkpilled hard. I did some soul-searching and decided that I'm not trans, even though I used to crossdress a lot. I don't have gender dysphoria and I generally feel comfortable in my body (even though I've put on some weight)
Anonymous
1 year ago i had a really nice ass and now its flat and im gonna start doing walking lunges with weights again
Anonymous
I'm so tired and miserable, I wish I could sleep on command or something.
Anonymous
i made shitty lasagne for myself and now my sister's girlfrined wants to try it. she's not going to like it but whatever maybe it can just something she can laugh about with my sister idk. ah social mores.
>>39332351 as an enby coper myself... i don't think there's anything wrong with that. it's good you've found community with trans people, even if you're not one yourself. and if you'd feel more comfortable shedding the male label i think you should, but just like the trans thing you don't *have* to just because you're not a stereotypical man.
>>39330800 it's kinda concerning you seemed so committed to it though. are you able to know when you're in a mindstate like that so you can avoid making big decisions?
Anonymous
>>39329877 Have you been tested for sleep apnea? It’s more common than you’d think
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39306770 >Could it be the confrontational approach like this tends to have a higher success rate? For this particular specialist he is generally very cooperative, sharp, and willing to let me experiment, but for the healthcare system at large I think being confrontational is proving to be… far more necessary than what should be demanded of patients. I honestly wouldnt wish this on anyone else.
>you really deserve some nice things like that Ah, thank you, siganon. I’m trying to… sort of force my brain into accepting that sentence. It’s a little hard haha
Hope you get some nice bread too, sometime soon. Maybe with some good tzatziki or soup
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39336424 I've never been tested for it. My mom has it and so does my uncle, but I personally don't snore so idk. Should probably get checked for it (but won't lololol)
Anonymous
Some guy in my course called me his "enemy" in front of everyone yesterday and told the people around me not to talk to me. I don't know what his fucking problem is. I've basically never interacted with him. I've mostly just ignored him, just like I ignore pretty much everyone in my classes.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39340298 I'm too old for this shit. If I had known that engineering school is just high school all over again, I wouldn't have gone. I don't know what I expected. And now I'm scared for my safety
Anonymous
>>39340360 I hope you're safe :c talk to staff about it if you get worried
Anonymous
>>39340680 Nah, I'm not a snitch. It'll probably blow over. And otherwise, well, switchblade. Maybe its because I've made no effort to integrate socially whatsoever. He's constantly trying to organize stuff like outings and things like that, and he's established a connection with most people in the semester. I hate people like that. He seems like a bully. I just hope that he leaves me alone. Otherwise, well, switchblade. I'm thinking way too much about that fag already.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Ah, the weekend. I will slowly catch up with the thread today.
>>39308114 voicemail? Is that a reference to one of the games post lobocorp?
>>39311643 Ah, that's great! Recently have been managing to catch up with taking out the trash, I have a bad habit of letting old parcels and such pile since they are unwieldy and annoying to toss out. I gotta cook today, still. Bought minced meat that I gotta use up. What are your goal
>>39312665 Heya anon. These things are hard, and I understand you feel this way. Listen, I frequently want to give up on difficult, thankless things. I know how it feels, we all do. But I also think you will feel miserable if you have no forwards momentum. You are not alone in those feelings, and need help to cope with them. But you must remember that you are not alone, especially not here. If you are still around, I would really love to talk about your setback, and help you overcome your road blocks. Do not mistake that with me saying "just get back up" though. You have my sympathy. It is okay if you want to take a break. But.. trust me, it will help to talk things through even if you do. I don't want you to feel powerless. You need some emotional support.
>>39312640 >Yeah, my dad is taking a risk with me being here so I need to treat this opportunity with reverence. Oh, yes that is definitely true, but I was thinking of it more as: he helped someone he cared for join him in a new and unfamiliar place, reclaiming a bit of familiarity in a new environment. It is not entirely out of the question that you can help some friends/loved ones make the jump too, eventually! Which I guess ties into
>I really want to help my family and friends out but I can't do much at my current level. Of course, there's a time and a place for everything. And you shouldn't feel bad not being immediately able to. You're laying the groundwork for it, learning to walking before learning to run and such.
(1/2)
Anonymous
>>39312640 >>39312965 >>39320182 (2/2)
>I wish I wasn't so broke and bad at everything. You're probably too hard on yourself. The fact that you feel this way shows your eagerness to live up to your own standards. You have expectations of yourself you wish to meet. That is great, important even, but beating yourself up too much can hinder productivity, so make sure to be strict with yourself on the specifics, not the broad. "I need to get better at X, everything else can wait" and "I am already good enough at Y" are thoughts that not only narrow the scope of your goals (avoiding analysis paralysis) but also let you take pride in accomplishments and present skills.
>I've kinda given up the idea of making more friends here How come? You mean because you wanna separate work and private life or something else? I guess that would only matter at the work place.
>I can't really find a job in the field I studied in at all yet These things are tricky. Since infrastructure is alright, I assume you can cast a wider net with your applications depending on public transport.. Hm, I am sure you have a better overview on that front than I do, I'm just musing. It's also good you are working on trying to keep yourself grounded in spite of being an anxious person in a situation that would be anxiety inducing for most.
>Any advice on becoming more mature and independent? That is an interesting question. I'd like to dig a little deeper there: If you can give me a more concrete way in which you feel too dependent/immature I can try to hone into something with you!
Anonymous
>>39339938 Why not? Is it because of money issues or something else?
Either way I believe pharmacies do have some otc options that you might want to try, but I’m not an expert. Think there’s nasal sprays and some sort of plastic thing that helps breathing. You could also try deep cleaning your nostrils with salt water
Anonymous
>>39313690 >Will check local shop on Friday after I'm finished with uni. Do share what came of it!
>So like 2 years and a bit before I can start applying with proper qualifications. Ah, good, so an end in sight so to say.
>Wait list to meet with a specialist, like physical therapy had like a 2 year wait list so I just never did it. Okay so it is very medium term all things considered, good.
>Loosely, nothing really stood out as a common interest. Ah, that sucks
>didn't really have any interactions with each other till the last week It sounds a bit like they are all just trying to get by with minimal effort and trying to get in and out of class as quickly as possible without any interest in the actual field.
Assuming they are all going for a Ba (hons) I assume they have a keen interest in one particular subject at least?
>Closest I could get to this would be doing the teaching course and shadowing the college course, but teaching doesn't pay well and I want to get done with this as soon as possible. Yeah, in my case it was part of my studies essentially, I was employed by the university and it was a pretty normal part of my Ma and PhD, I would not have had the time for it otherwise.
>the human element has been replaced with "just use chatgpt" Not gonna lie that is infuriating because it is so intellectually lazy.
> but I also feel like if the course was much more practical Can go both ways, a sufficiently challenging theory course would also have the same effect. But that would be Ma level (physics, chemistry, maybe even bio or math) rather than Ba.
>For example I did a hospitality course, before I got to where I am, and you had to cook 3 times a week and do table service in a restaurant Oh, I never heard of such a kind of course, I am not super familiar with the UK (?) system in general though.
>I couldn't really continue that and now I'm back to square one. This is just out of curiosity but wanna share what happened?
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39342244 >Why not? Is it because of money issues or something else? Because why would I be? I'm not some married boomer who wakes up their partner by snoring all night. The only doctor I see is my psychiatrist, and she would 100% just put that on my mental health. And I'm in Germany, shit like that is free.
"M"
>>39342178 >voicemail? Is that a reference to one of the games post lobocorp? Nah, NT says that in LC when breaching sometimes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQ4ctOm7958&t=90s Anonymous
>>39342673 >Not gonna lie that is infuriating because it is so intellectually lazy. Not the anon you're replying to, but I'm making this same experience in undergrad right now. Why would I talk to my fellow students, who are assholes and also just as clueless as I am, when Deepseek can usually give me a correct explanation. Also, what is the point of going to uni anymore unless you want to be a researcher, which most people (myself included) don't have the capacity to do anyway. Like, I've already played with the thought of dropping out again and doing something that involves my hands, because for the "menial" mental work like writing code and things like that, the future is just looking really fucking bleak
Anonymous
>>39342244 >Why not? Is it because of money issues or something else? It is because I cannot be assed. It'd be free, since I'm in Europe. But the last thing I need in my life is another doctor.
Anonymous
>>39314394 >>39316557 >>39323050 You are doing great coming here and speaking up about your issues, don't apologize for that. I've been reading along a little. In general you seem to consider CBT and a lot of ways people may try to mess with your way of engaging with yourself or others as condescension, if I understand correctly. You don't want to be called irrational, and you don't want parts of you you aren't sure how to label pathologized. I think the other anon has a point that there is a chance that the way the doc approached you might be to jump through formal hoops, which is something they sometimes cannot legally say to you and only wink-wink-nudge-nudge at. That makes it very frustrating.
> it's partly that i don't want to be 'autistic'. it's an annoying label. I understand that fully, though.. ultimately, the label should primarily be for you to find ways to cope with things that get in the way of your own fulfillment. Other people are generally not entitled to your diagnosis.
>i don't want people to know about my existence. >i also do worry a lot about things like if i smell, how loud i breathe, whether i look weird, etc. Do you feel like you are burdening people with your presence? What emotional reaction does the thought of people enjoying your company cause in you?
> i have two main moods usually, but on reflection neither of them are particularly pleasant or sustainable, in what direction do doctors usually want to push you, diagnosis wise? What labels do they try to attach to this? They aren't trying to say you're Cluster B or something right? What kind of meds to they generally prescribe? And have you tried their effect on you, generally?
>but i also think it's really stupid the way people expect you to play pretend with them. >give fake smiles, avoid certain topics, know when someone doesn't mean what they say I definitely get that, and I empathize that it makes you wanna disengage with people at large. But social needs are insidious.
Anonymous
>>39314404 >>39315994 I am glad to hear your meds helped, though I am worried about the comments about your psychiatrist. Is there a chance for you to get another one? Parents not understanding is one thing but a psych.. How do you feel now, overall? If you're overwhelmed and suffering from social anxiety it definitely is worth talking about ways to cope.
>>39329877 >>39342826 >But the last thing I need in my life is another doctor. Sounds like you had a lot of bad experiences in the past. Wanna talk about it? What are your general circumstances?
>>39321470 >>39330800 Hm, has it recently gotten better/worse? Not sure if you are who I think you are, but I believe we talked before, and these thoughts used to be frequent for a while.
Anonymous
>>39342884 >Is there a chance for you to get another one? No... My mom chose that one and I dont really get a say in the matter. She's a fucking dinosaur (boomer lady who retired but decided to keep working after all) and a weird Christian, she does give me meds but that's basically all she does. I had like 2 (two) sessions with another psychiatrist last time I was committed, and she immediately diagnosed me with social phobia. I don't dislike my psych as a person, she's nice enough, but she's just completely out of touch with the modern world and even the developments in her own fucking field, and she doesn't even read the reports from my stays in clinics.
I don't care. I've managed to move ahead in life somewhat without her help, and I fucking detest psychiatrists and psychiatry anyway.
>>39342884 >Sounds like you had a lot of bad experiences in the past Yeah, see above.
>What are your general circumstances? I am a 27 YEAR OLD UNDERGRAD STUDENT doing DUAL EDUCATION with a BUNCH OF RETARDED ZOOMERS WHO FUCKING HATE ME I live NEXT TO A HIGHWAY NEXT TO TWO TRAINTRACKS and I AM SCHIZOAFFECTIVE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39317315 Welcome back, anon. I am always overjoyed to see people return with the occasional update. It's nice to hear from you again, believe I remember our discussions in part.
Glad to hear you passed the class! What's the next step on the education front?
>I got those flowers Valetines Day and they were rather lovely and they just felt so perfect. It's such a lovely thing, I bet they were beautiful.
> Psyllium Husk because apparently in a research it was confirmed that had some type of lead Hm, it is generally contaminated, or only from a particular region? If you are worried about it, you might be able to actually test the lead contents of the particular brand you are buying. I could walk you through that. Then you could use then with piece of mind.
>I realized I have been just living a reptitve cycle It sounds like you are generally making progress now, though. Do you still feel stuck?
>I was just worried about the kids and their lives Hm, I don't remember you having kids, could you remind me of your general situation?
>>39332530 What happened over the year, anon? Wanna talk about it?
>>39335243 I'm glad you cooked, anon! Did she end up liking it? Do you enjoy cooking, generally?
>>39334233 As always, remember you got a listening ear in this thread. Many, actually. If you feel like you don't know where to start to alleviate these feelings, you don't have to figure it out all on your own.
>>39342800 Oh damn, I didn't remember that at all! Thanks, M!
Anonymous
>>39339978 >>39340360 >>39340797 >Some guy in my course called me his "enemy" in front of everyone yesterday Not gonna lie I am shocked. That is middle school behavior. Fuck him. Just don't shank him, not worth the paperwork.
>I'm too old for this shit. If I had known that engineering school is just high school all over again, I wouldn't have gone. This is not what tertiary education should be like and I hope that faggot gets filtered. I do not take kindly to shit like this at all. This just does not fly.
That said, I do think it would be good for you to socialize among peers, if you find people actually interested in the subject, and ideally with common interests. If people actually avoid you because some peacock is malding that is their problem of course but generally it would be good and useful to talk to people, I think you can catch the general reasoning I have for that from my above posts on a similar siubject.
>>39331593 That is incredibly concerning, that sounds like you are cracking from some severe psychological or emotional strain. That can be caused by things you thought you are used to but make you miserable. I will need to know about your general circumstances to see how to mend this.
>>39332351 All these identity things are incredibly difficult to pin down. I can't really prescribe anything, and I try to refrain from pushing people towards or away from transitioning, but I always urge people to very carefully inspect if a change makes them actively miserable. A classic example is people who take antidepressants, find themselves more stable, then stop taking them and subsequently lose the foundation to build upon. This is ofc just an analogy here but I hope it's clear what I mean.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39343190 I'm
>>39342990 and all of these are my posts lmao. I'm sorry /sig/anon, I feel like I'm taking up a lot of your time when I'm really just venting in this thread all the time...
>>39343190 >That is middle school behavior. Fuck him. Just don't shank him, not worth the paperwork. It's dual education. Middle school is a good comparison. Look, I just need to show this to somebody. I made this recording /during/ a lecture in the first semester (you can hear the professor giving his lecture in the background):
https://voca.ro/1eTjcgMG1xgr It's like this for 7h per day. Its so fucking exhausting. This wasn't some unimportant nothingburger class either, it was Mathematics I. I want to fucking shoot myself.
I'm not going to shank him if he doesn't get physical. It's just genuinely the kind of environment where people might gang up on you after class. So switchblade stays.
>if you find people actually interested in the subject I already sit with them, but they are so fucking arrogant and smug. I rarely talk to them. Just... the absolute state... I went to university before, but nothing could've prepared me for this lmao
>>39343190 >I will need to know about your general circumstances to see how to mend this. See above... I just need to remember to take my meds, especially right now.
>>39343190 Yeah, transitioning is definitely not for me. Being a theymab on the internet is enough at this point. I don't have any dysphoria, so whatever
Anonymous
>>39342990 Ah fuck, so the issue is you are still depending on your family for now because you're still in education and your mom wouldn't take it well if you tried to explain your pov to her because as you said your parents don't fucking get it. I'm so sorry. Also, I am kinda amused I responded to you twice in the same post.
>boomer lady who retired but decided to keep working after all ugh
>weird Christian UGH.
>she does give me meds but that's basically all she does. At least something. I get your sentiment, she should have stayed retired.
>I am a 27 YEAR OLD UNDERGRAD STUDENT doing DUAL EDUCATION with a BUNCH OF RETARDED ZOOMERS WHO FUCKING HATE ME Please, vent as much of your rage here as you feel is cathartic. You are absolutely justified to be mad about this crap, I know you don't need me to tell you but I hope it helps to hear anyway.
>Yeah, see above. I do get it then, though, if it improves your quality of life, it might be worth bearing with it when you are in an alright enough mood.
But yeah it sounds like overall this is a very shitty but likely not too long lived situation after which you can quickly pivot to a more independent lifestyle if things go well and do your own thing. Getting there will be shitty though, clearly.. Can you tell me more about the zoomers? Or were you the anon with an enemy I just replied to?
Anonymous
>>39342673 >Do share what came of it! Totally forgot because family car broke down and grandfather on my dad's side died, I'll check Wednesday though.
>so an end in sight Hopefully.
>It sounds a bit like they are all just trying to get by with minimal effort There are 100% people like that, like not showing up or leaving hours before everyone else does.
>get out of class as quickly as possible without any interest in the actual field Yeah but I also kinda feel for them, after doing this for years it feels like I'm stuck in some never ending cycle and I just want to break free and do something for real.
>I assume they have a keen interest in one particular subject at least? I know there's a couple of people who are indeed interested, as in they've done this kind of thing before but at a different school or have followed me through the college to university, there was also someone who just said what they wanted to do, so I guess it's safe to assume they'll probably continue on.
>I was employed by the university and it was a pretty normal part of my Ma and PhD Sounds very much like what my college tutor was doing except for the Ma/PhD part, but I think he stopped because he mentioned wanting to switch to another school for better pay.
>Not gonna lie that is infuriating because it is so intellectually lazy. Can't wait for the future where most people just don't know what they are talking about since they learned through chatgpt.
>a sufficiently challenging theory course would also have the same effect Sucks how I can't get that kind of thing over here.
>UK (?) Yep.
>This is just out of curiosity but wanna share what happened? Once the course ended you had two options, continue being a chef or move over to bar tending, the issue was that I was 16 so I couldn't work in a real kitchen or work as a bar tender, which were both requirements for going onto the course since they expected you to work whilst also going to school. So I swapped over to what I'm doing now.
(venting, feel free to ignore)
>>39343345 >I am kinda amused I responded to you twice in the same post. Uhh yeah, t-twice haha...
(I'm gonna put on a namefag, sorry...)
Anonymous
>>39342811 Hope none of what I am about to say reads as too confrontational, none of it is meant to criticize you or other anons here, it is more general concerns about the way tertiary education is pivoting away from teaching people the actually transferable skills that are silently implied together with the degrees I am familiar with (as I understand them).
>Also, what is the point of going to uni anymore unless you want to be a researcher The vast majority of people shouldn't need to, period. It should be a place of academia first and foremost. That said, the skills that are trained by the methods I tend to shill have value in and outside of academia, and at least for the fields I know most intimately (physics/chem/bio) the actual things you were taught are almost completely immaterial to a great deal of jobs these kinds of degree ought to qualify for.
Example. A PhD for example should in any of natural sciences, be able to propose, design and manage a research project from start to finish. They should be capable of communicating high level concepts, delegate tasks and organize with other people with little oversight required. That is below my minimum expectation of what a PhD graduate (a postdoc specifically) should be capable of doing. That is what writing papers, overseeing Ba/Ma students and proposing research projects is meant to teach. I wouldn't care if, say, a physics PhD can't remember the Coriolis force from memory (but I would vibe with them being able to derive it on a whiteboard).
>who are assholes It would be a shame if all of them are.
>when Deepseek can usually give me a correct explanation. Apart from AI generated answers being highly unreliable in anything that relates to numbers and most answers being basically from stack/mathoverflow or paraphrased by articles, I keep stressing that being able to explain a concept to others in a way that holds up to scrutiny is actually pretty damn hard and deepens understanding.
(venting, feel free to ignore)
>>39343448 uhh that one's also me, sorry again...
>>39343448 >the skills that are trained by the methods I tend to shill have value in and outside of academia, and at least for the fields I know most intimately (physics/chem/bio) the actual things you were taught are almost completely immaterial to a great deal of jobs these kinds of degree ought to qualify for. >Example. A PhD for example should in any of natural sciences, be able to propose, design and manage a research project from start to finish. They should be capable of communicating high level concepts, delegate tasks and organize with other people with little oversight required. That is below my minimum expectation of what a PhD graduate (a postdoc specifically) should be capable of doing. That is what writing papers, overseeing Ba/Ma students and proposing research projects is meant to teach. I wouldn't care if, say, a physics PhD can't remember the Coriolis force from memory (but I would vibe with them being able to derive it on a whiteboard). I know nothing about that so I'm just gonna take your word for it.
>It would be a shame if all of them are. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. It's a fucking shark tank and I'm scared.
>Apart from AI generated answers being highly unreliable in anything that relates to numbers and most answers being basically from stack/mathoverflow or paraphrased by articles For all I know, that's true, but personally, I only break it out when I get stuck on a problem & can't even figure it out with the provided solution, and I can usually figure it out then.
>I keep stressing that being able to explain a concept to others in a way that holds up to scrutiny is actually pretty damn hard I am in a degree mill
None of that will matter
We will get our degrees and forget everything
I absolutely guarantee it
Anonymous
>>39343418 Aw come on, I am fully supportive of you posting about everything that burdens you. So my hunch I alluded to was correct. By all means, let me encourage you to keep talking about anything you wish to get out to the full extent I am able to. You are making it so much easier for me the more you talk.
>>39343350 Did I ever mention that your hedgehog plush is absolutely precious? Does the little one have a name?
>Totally forgot because family car broke down and grandfather on my dad's side died, I'll check Wednesday though. No prob, life happens. My condolences anon.
>Yeah but I also kinda feel for them, after doing this for years it feels like I'm stuck in some never ending cycle and I just want to break free and do something for real. The vast majority of people should not have their careers held hostage behind a Bachelor level education, I am the very first to very aggressively defend that take. That is not what a Bachelor should be for. A bachelor qualifies people for carrying out research under supervision. Lab assistants, technical staff, perhaps. I keep ranting about the nature of university education today it seems and I am sure several of my takes are moderately spicy.. but I digress.
The thing is I still would hope that the more engaged people at least would likely enjoy having peers to talk to but have their own inhibitions to put in the effort to get the ball rolling. Human inertia is like that. I would still STRONGLY advise it. Maybe it's a wash though and you end up not vibing with anyone, it's a small sample size... Worth a try nonetheless.
>I know there's a couple of people who are indeed interested That is promising though. Especially the ones that wanna continue ought to talk to people more. Well, and we all have social needs. All of what I am saying here is the heavily intellectualized pretext (which is nonetheless still stuff I firmly believe) for /sig/ purposes. Loneliness is mind poison.
(1/2)
Anonymous
>>39343350 (2/2)
>Can't wait for the future where most people just don't know what they are talking about since they learned through chatgpt. Weapons grade ropium but I have faith it won't happen.
>Sucks how I can't get that kind of thing over here. Yeah especially as a former tutor myself you can imagine how I love challenging people and seeing people not be intellectually pushed in an env they ought is just irksome.
>the issue was that I was 16 so I couldn't work in a real kitchen or work as a bar tender Ah, that sucks, so it wasn't made with your age bracket in mind. Thank you for clarifying!
(venting, feel free to ignore)
>>39343345 >the issue is you are still depending on your family for now because you're still in education My parents are the only people in my life. I am mostly financially independent, but I am still very much emotionally dependent on my parents (mental illness)
>I hope it helps to hear anyway. It does... thanks...
>a very shitty but likely not too long lived situation after which you can quickly pivot to a more independent lifestyle Yeah, I hope so. It's such a shame. I spent years hoping to go back to university, only to end up in this shitfest. Oh well, bitching and moaning won't do much. Thank God I only need to spend 1.5 years in school, the rest in the company.
Anonymous
>>39343585 >apologizing for that Well aren't you just adorable.
>Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know. It's a fucking shark tank and I'm scared. >For all I know, that's true, but personally, I only break it out when I get stuck on a problem & can't even figure it out with the provided solution, and I can usually figure it out then. I hope you find peers to talk to, especially with that peacock ass around I understand your feelings. You are facing a big serving of bullshit, and people are difficult at the best of times. I would love to see you pleasantly surprised by at least a few of the bunch, so I hope you don't mind me giving you a gentle push in the general direction.
>I am in a degree mill That's a shame. A proper ...Universität should be above that (hope I'm not being too cheeky).
>>39343702 You definitely need friends, reach out to people. Uni usually would be one of THE opportunities to make friends, even from completely different faculties/areas.
>It does... thanks... You're welcome. It's my pleasure to help. Listen. Don't feel guilty for posting here. I am very proud of you for opening up. This shit is hard and humans are NOT built to go through so much alone.
(venting, feel free to ignore)
>>39343735 >Well aren't you just adorable. It's my greatest strength and my greatest weakness
>I hope you find peers to talk to, especially with that peacock ass around I understand your feelings It's not just that guy. I am just shocked how unprofessional these people are. Maybe I'm not used to this because I spent the last 6 years in the industry.
I have talked to a couple of people. I will keep trying.
>A proper ...Universität should be above that >Uni usually would be one of THE opportunities to make friends, even from completely different faculties/areas. Duale Hochschule ist anders...
>Don't feel guilty for posting here. I am very proud of you for opening up. This shit is hard and humans are NOT built to go through so much alone. Thanks anon. I appreciate it.
Anonymous
>>39343605 >Did I ever mention that your hedgehog plush is absolutely precious? Thanks, my Grandmother crocheted it by hand and gave it to me 7 years ago as a present and it just stays on my desk most of the time.
>Does the little one have a name? Not really, I'm down to take suggestions though.
>life happens. My condolences anon. Eh I don't really care all that much, I don't have any contact with that side of the family and most of them hate me because I used to be very flamboyant as a kid and we never really got to see each other. I'd hate to see what they'd think if they learned how I am now.
>The vast majority of people should not have their careers held hostage behind a Bachelor level education 100%
>I am sure several of my takes are moderately spicy I'm sure if you talked to actual students they would agree, talk to staff then they would probably have problems with what your saying since it's their livelihood you are talking about.
>the more engaged people at least would likely enjoy having peers to talk to but have their own inhibitions to put in the effort to get the ball rolling Yeah, but it's also very much a effort on both sides to keep it going but no one seems to want that.
>Worth a try nonetheless. If it's worth anything I had to do some task with a couple of people on Friday, though they didn't really seem engaged in talking so :/ But all things considered we did pretty well.
>>39343625 >I have faith it won't happen. I did till staff started recommending everyone to use it, now I'm just jaded with the state of things.
>as a former tutor myself you can imagine how I love challenging people Good on you. I hope you made their education experience better.
>so it wasn't made with your age bracket in mind Maybe? I mean I had to go through an application to even join so they must have known, or maybe they just thought back to their time at school and how they could just get a position no matter the age at a flick of their fingers. I'm not really sure.
cya
Anonymous
Wow… Using boorus on mobile is hell. Here is an image of a prize figure instead.
Anonymous
>>39344884 Download boorusama
Also, what meds are you on anon
Olanzapine Valproate and Venlafaxine for me
Anonymous
>>39344947 Ah! Thanks anon, I didnt know there was an app for boorus! (cute toehoe btw)
>Also, what meds are you on anon Oh, hm it varies but the ones I’m trying out right now are betahistines. I have a lot more but I guess my staples are methylphenidate, antibiotics, antimycotics, sulfurs, antihistamines, various steroids, and painkillers
(And a muscle relaxant but my new doctor doesnt want me using that one anymore :( )
Are you doing alright on yours?
Anonymous
>>39342842 >you are doing great i do want to emphasise that it's very unlikely i can be 'helped' away from this thinking. while i AM pursuing certain arenas of 'self-improvement' i won't go into, i'm probably not relevant in making these posts.
>pathology if i'm pathologised in the sense of being cast out of society, i'm more than okay with that. but a label is going to be used toward a certain end: that is to try to make me police myself away from the listed symptoms, and no i don't want to do that. i don't want to be tempted to do that. therapy is much worse. it's not just condescension then, it's an active effort to assimilate me, and in a total manner equivalent to death. and they're scummy, manipulative bastards who'll pretend to care about you to do it.
>burdening people & emotion reaction i am a burden. that's not low self-esteem or whatever normies want to call it, that's a fact. i only feel bad about it sometimes because parts of me have been co-opted by others (introjection), and they all want me to kill myself (both psychically and physically). but when others seem interested in me, i try not to feel anything and keep in mind it has nothing to do with me. i can feel anxiety or anger if it feels like a demand. i'll admit i've felt 'happiness' at times, and i could go into why that's bad, but, anyway... i've gone through all these emotions in regards to my sister's gf, who has been wanting to insert herself in family activities (specifically including me). she's getting the lasagne tomorrow apparently. i'm thinking of trying dumplings next.
>diagnosis wise they don't. they've bounced me around social workers for a decade lol. i've spoken to a couple of private psychotherapists too.
GPs throw anti-depressants at me because i have suicidal thoughts and self-harm. i've never taken them for more than a week.
Anonymous
Pg 9
Θ
>>39346856 You may easily achieve this as well with alcohol-based hand sanitizer.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
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>>39348962 Good night to you
Anonymous
>>39345273 Oh, are you shinji-anon? I assumed psych meds because that seems to be the default here usually.
My meds work so-and-so. The antipsychotics work well, Zyprexa is a genuine wonder drug and I am so glad it exists. The mood stabilizers are just prophylactic, and the antidepressants give me a little more energy but do little to curtail depression idk
Sorry to see you're still struggling with your health... I hope that the betahistines you're trying now will help you! Also, that's a lot of meds, sheesh...
Anonymous
a lot of pretty anime girls
Anonymous
What will you do... this coming week
Anonymous
(venting, feel free to ignore)
rate my big 5 score
https://bigfive-test.com/result/67e91fb2d258608cb03e42ed I hate that I am like this and I want to be someone else
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39350242 I'm going to branch out a bit socially hopefully. I feel like I'm going to have a hard week but it'll be productive. I'm nervous about it. but I've cooked some healthy meals and hopefully I'll get through it...
>>39350324 me too
Anonymous
>>39342178 >Oh, yes that is definitely true, but I was thinking of it more as: he helped someone he cared for join him in a new and unfamiliar place, reclaiming a bit of familiarity in a new environment Yeah, that is also the case yeah.
It's been an expensive move also, which doesn't make me feel much better.
>It is not entirely out of the question that you can help some friends/loved ones make the jump too, eventually! Which I guess ties into Yeah, I really want my friends and family to have a decent chance in life, it's getting hard out there these days.
Anonymous
>>39342178 >Of course, there's a time and a place for everything. And you shouldn't feel bad not being immediately able to I'm glad I'm not allowed.
>You're laying the groundwork for it, learning to walking before learning to run and such I really want to start building a life for myself and the people I care about but it seems like it's getting harder and harder to do that, no matter who you are.
Anonymous
it’s raining and hailing and I woke up late, and dizzy. I like the sound though. Maybe I should bake more bread.
>>39349773 Ah, sorry for the confusion: Hello! Yup, that’s me! now featuring proper shinji images again (unless I’m lazy or shy).
>psych meds Yes, psych meds does seem to be the norm in here. I guess I only really have my adhd meds myself but I feel like the average sig user has been through a few different kinds. That’s just a feeling though.
>zyprexa Really glad to hear that one is working for you anon. I know for some people they can’t tell when it does (psychosis induced amnesia), so being aware must feel kind of comforting. The gap in popularity between the different antipsychotic meds is pretty interesting, that aside. Zyprexa seems to have its fans, but I dont think Ive ever met a single person who liked Abilify lol
>that’s a lot of meds, sheesh… Together with my vitamins it’s an entire handful of pills on some days, not counting the topicals. My least dumbest party trick is probably being able to swallow them all in one go
Anonymous
>>39342884 >Hm, has it recently gotten better/worse? It can get very bad sometimes
I figured it has to do with my anxiety levels
Still quite hard to catch in the moment.
no matter
I fight on for now
Anonymous
Called my mom back. Shouldnt have done that. Talking to her always makes everything worse. Dumb cunt
Anonymous
I'm mentally ill and not on any meds because I'm too anxious to make contact with support service
Anonymous
>>39352715 Go to your GP if you must, prepare for the hellish ride that lies ahead should you ever get committed
Anonymous
>>39352730 Now now anon, let's not make them more scared.. Generally being forcefully commtted is pretty rare and conditions seem reasonably straightforward
https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04#is-seeking-therapy-risky-What-counts-as-immediate-risk-of-suicide seems relevant
The GP things sounds like a good idea though
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39352865 i did a sadperson test and got 8/10
7-10 is high risk.
i already talk to alot of therapists.
Anonymous
>>39352873 Don't think so
>>39352865 >being forcefully commtted is pretty rare Now you tell me...
Even being /regularly/ committed is extremely shit. You seem like the kind of person who has no personal experience with the mental health industry whatsoever. No offense.
(venting, feel free to ignore)
So angry all the time... seething with anger... constantly feel like puking from the anger. I have to repress it because I am a civilized person but my teeth are chipped because I'm constantly clenching them. I am literally seething all the time but I repress it and it turns into depression. I used to just randomly explode and start screaming and throwing shit up until my early 20s but it hasnt gotten better, I've just gotten better at hiding it. But its making me sick. Its a good thing I am a skinnyfat loser with no power or physical strenth that I could use to hurt people.
Anonymous
>>39353465 Sorry to hear it anon. Based on your past posts it still sounds like a reaction to constant stress to me. I know it’s not a lot of help, but for now if you’re able to pick up a dental nightguard from a pharmacy you can wear it when you’re at home to prevent at least some of the damage…
>>39347080 Oh right! Great addition! I guess I always end up using oil out of habit because it’s right next to me in the kitchen
Anonymous
>>39226091 never used this general before, does anyone have any ressources on how to get a bigger butt / fuller hips? I'm 5mo hrt and it hasn't moved one inch and I don't wanna end up with a shitty moid body, I've been trying to lose weight so I can weight cycling but I think I should probably work out in the mean time because my weight loss is very very slow
Anonymous
im starting to get forehead wrinkles at 30 what do i do?????
Anonymous
>>39355214 >what do i do????? nigga that's aging you can't do anything
Anonymous
>>39355214 there are going to be tons of products aimed at women wanting to solve this exact issue. learning the active ingredients that do it is best but you can always go for trusted products that have good reviews (just stay away from top 10 sites and the like).
>>39355259 skincare doesn't exist, true
Anonymous
I want to cry. This week only just started but I feel myself slipping into a depressive episode and I think this week will be really hard.
Anonymous
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>>39355278 any you can recommend?
>>39355259 least helpful self improvement reply
Anonymous
>>39355214 Wrinkles are caused by three things: collagen loss, movement, and photoaging.
So anything that helps prevent those three things from worsening will help decrease the severity of wrinkles long term.
Most anti wrinkle treatments arent well documented, so I will split the list into two.
>The more well documented treatments +Sunscreen (UVA+UVB, 50+)
+Tretinoins, adapalene, retinoids, retinols, tazarotene, etc
+Estrogens
+Antioxidants, oral and topical (vitamins A,E,C, Q10, etc)
+Botox (neurotoxin preventing movement)
+Avoiding smoking, drug- and alcohol abuse
+Avoiding food, water, vitamin, or nutrient deficiencies
+Fat injections and surgery
>Less documented treatments that are still being researched +Oral collagen supplements and bone broth soups
+Facial massages
+Red light therapy
+Dermarollers and other needle treatments
+something about lobsters…
Anonymous
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>>39356067 I hope for you that it won’t be. Was there anything in particular that made you feel like this, or is it more of an unexpected slip?
Anonymous
>>39342188 >You're probably too hard on yourself. The fact that you feel this way shows your eagerness to live up to your own standards I want to live a more worthwhile life from now on.
I'm tired of having no real point to my struggles
>You have expectations of yourself you wish to meet. That is great, important even, but beating yourself up too much can hinder productivity, so make sure to be strict with yourself on the specifics, not the broad It never feels like I've pushed myself hard enough in life, I'm never enough.
I never seem to break even of get ahead in this world
>"I need to get better at X, everything else can wait" and "I am already good enough at Y" are thoughts that not only narrow the scope of your goals (avoiding analysis paralysis) >but also let you take pride in accomplishments and present skills I never really feel peace with my 'accomplishments' being met. They don't feel like anything.
I'm 24 years old, I'm just tired of having nothing to show for myself.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39356235 thank you wise anon
Anonymous
>>39342188 >How come? You mean because you wanna separate work and private life or something else? I don't know if I have what it takes to make more friends or peers at this stage in my life, it's hard enough to keep my current relationships together at all really.
>I guess that would only matter at the work place I mean yeah, I just mean I'm kinda tapped out for making friends with new people.
I need to network to find work but that might be it for me.
Anonymous
>>39342188 >These things are tricky. Since infrastructure is alright, I assume you can cast a wider net with your applications depending on public transport.. Hm, I am sure you have a better overview on that front than I do, I'm just musing I'm looking for work everywhere, in any industry local to me and online but nothing is coming through yet. I'll keep on trying my best.
>It's also good you are working on trying to keep yourself grounded in spite of being an anxious person in a situation that would be anxiety inducing for most Thank you, anon.
I'm doing my best to keep myself together so I can live more independently in the future.
Anonymous
>>39342188 >That is an interesting question. I'd like to dig a little deeper there: If you can give me a more concrete way in which you feel too dependent/immature I can try to hone into something with you! Okay cool, I can do that.
I'm very under educated about how to navigate the adult world, whether it's registering for legal documents, networking, looking for work or just being able to live on my own responsibly.
Being alone for most of the day is a weird adjustment, feels weird to look out for myself for so long.
Anonymous
Sorry for typing like lunatic, just a little missed up these days.
Anonymous
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>>39359873 You’re welcome anon. Go forth and prevent some wrinkles
(venting, feel free to ignore)
Good news: Passed math with an A-, economics for engineers with a B. compsci and electrical engineering are not in yet.
Bad news: I'm having a nervous break down. I simply can't live on my own, my mental illness and social ineptitude make it impossible. I really tried this time. One of my psychiatrists told me that I'd likely need a social worker if I wanted to live alone, and I didn't believe it. I guess they were right.
I made an appointment with my psychiatrist and called in sick for the rest of the week. Going home tomorrow. Maybe I'll transfer to my local community college if I can transfer the credits I've already completed. I could live with my parents & grandparents again then. I don't know...
>>39355108 >it still sounds like a reaction to constant stress to me It likely is... But I've always had problems with my temper idk. Incel rage ig
>pick up a dental nightguard from a pharmacy you can wear it when you’re at home to prevent at least some of the damage… Might be a good idea. Thanks for the tip :)
>>39351393 >I dont think Ive ever met a single person who liked Abilify lol Word. I was on that shit for like a week and it was pretty bad. No idea how it even got through the medical trials, I've also talked to other peeps who were on it and they had the same experience.
>it’s an entire handful of pills on some days, not counting the topicals. My least dumbest party trick is probably being able to swallow them all in one go That fucking sucks. I don't know shit about medicine but that just smells like medical malpractice idk.
Anonymous
I think since I spent the other day sigging for 3 hours or so straight I will this time work in small bursts of 2-3 posts, then a break, then 2-3 posts again until I am done. I have about 4-5 hours in the night to catch up. Let's see.
>>39343909 >It's not just that guy. I am just shocked how unprofessional these people are. I assure you, this is not normal behavior. Even if we factor in
>Duale Hochschule although, in my experience, a lot of people in a university setting "grow up" about 3 semesters into their studies, so roughly at 23 years of age. Maybe it is baseless pattern seeking but I could swear that is where a lot of people got more serious about studying. Still, clique behavior as you describe I even didn't see since late middle school or so because the people that were responsible for it all failed class at least once since then.
>I have talked to a couple of people. I will keep trying. You are doing great on that front. I believe in you, anon.
>>39344096 >Thanks, my Grandmother crocheted it by hand and gave it to me 7 years ago as a present That's so sweet! Sounds like you have a lovely relationship..
>Not really, I'm down to take suggestions though. Oh damn, I'm bad with names.. though the green color always makes me think of chia pets.
Meadow, perhaps?
>I don't have any contact with that side of the family Ah, probably for the best then.
>I'd hate to see what they'd think if they learned how I am now. Thank goodness it is none of their business then!
>talk to staff then they would probably have problems with what your saying since it's their livelihood you are talking about. Oh, most staff I know are actually bemoaning the fact politics is trying to force them to stop making people fail. Because of course, the government loves degree inflation because it looks good in (inter)national comparisons. A Disgusting trend by the way. But I also carefully choose which educators I talk to so you have a point!
Anonymous
>>39344096 (2/2)
>it's also very much a effort on both sides Absolutely, I hope I didn't come off like I implied the opposite! Best you can do is "dog train" people a little. Not being afraid of annoying them, conditioning them a bit into the habit of talking to you by being insistent. We are pursuit predators. This is not to encourage you to try and engage with people one-sidedly in perpetuity, but to consider how much of an initial investment you are willing to offer. This is a worthwhile pursuit both ways! I used to be too willing to prod people for a long while before giving up, so my patience receded healthy by exploring when effort turns to wasted effort. Others, who might err on the too conservative side, have a chance to be pleasantly surprised that pushing on for a bit longer con prove super effective. Nobody can tell where on this spectrum they fall unless they play with that variable, that's why I suggest it.
>though they didn't really seem engaged in talking so :/ You did great! Can you describe the ways in which they seemed disengaged?
>I did till staff started recommending everyone to use it What a bunch of fucking hacks, Jesus Christ...
>Good on you. I hope you made their education experience better. I do think nobody hated it, I tried to make it so that the ones that don't care were at least entertained. Never got much negative feedback, at least!
>Maybe? I mean I had to go through an application to even join so they must have known I think they had too much faith in the paperwork and nobody tried to apply common sense and basic math before pressing on. It sucks, but it is not something I have the heart to blame the staff for. It's easy to get lost in the paper jungle and overlook things. It still sucks you accidentally slipped through a crack nobody knew was there.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39349875 Yee, I generally enjoy the things people post, and I mean, I also post lots of anime grill adjacent stuff I like looking at, and it makes it easy to spot my posts since I tend to have a set of themes I cycle through.
>>39344884 >The meds I’m on are working. So far. What a relief..
>I’m not quite sure what that means for me, health wise, since supposedly that means something inside my head has too high pressure. Time will tell, I suppose. Oh lord.. Fingers crossed. But by god am I happy it helps. It explains the issues with your balance though, normally that is inner ear adjacent.
I get the mobility being a double edged sword. But goodness. I'd love to invite you to a coffee or something to take your mind off things. You are, given the circumstances, trying so goddamn hard. And successfully so, successfully enough to be alive. And that matters a great deal. I am happy you are around. Interesting that the way your emotions burst out changed. Do you feel any.. catharsis, afterwards? Does it feel more like a release than it used to?
>That isnt fair of me. I’m being a piece of shit. You aren't, at all. But you are in a very vulnerable spot. You are only thinking/guilting yourself about how you worry people and how you are being a burden it seems. Let me tell you that if I was as close to you as some of them surely are, I would only want to be relied on to the extent I can be. If you can, lean, cry out, express pain. It is okay. But most of all, you already keep on moving, and you are doing beautifully on that front.
>>39350339 Huh, an interesting test. Never seen it before!
Anonymous
>>39352635 I'm sorry to hear, anon. Do you rely on her/need to keep in contact for any reason?
>>39352611 It is a struggle for many people, and I hope venting/talking to people helps a little bit. What has raised your anxiety recently? How do you usually soothe yourself?
>>39345928 >i've never taken them for more than a week. The question is, plenty of these meds cannot reasonably be expected to work in such a short time frame, and they only serve to stabilize you enough to work on underlying issues. So I don't quite follow what you really want out of any of it. It seems that you have a very strong preconceived notions of what is and isn't part of your identity, what parts "need fixing" and what parts don't, and seem to consider too much prodding and questioning of what parts of your thinking are/aren't rational/beneficial to be insulting. It leaves me a bit confused.
>i do want to emphasise that it's very unlikely i can be 'helped' away from this thinking. >while i AM pursuing certain arenas of 'self-improvement' i won't go into Essentially what I have taken from your posts is almost like you consider the sum total of your habits, behaviors, coping mechanisms, in short your mind as-is as an immutable monolith where every attempt at changing individual aspects of it is an infringement/attack on your person?
>if i'm pathologised in the sense of being cast out of society Huh, not at all what I as thinking of. I really struggle to identify the exact parts that offend you. What aspects of your mind/person do you think can be changed/influenced at all? Because I struggle to find a single, solitary thing you would be willing to change about yourself since we so far have only counterexamples... I am sorry if any of this reads as criticism, I am simply struggling to find anything actionable or even comprehensible to latch onto. You aren't content but don't want to change anything?
(1/2)
Anonymous
>>39345928 (2/2)
>i try not to feel anything and keep in mind it has nothing to do with me. That's pretty unhealthy in its own right, in the sense that you too have social needs.
>i'll admit i've felt 'happiness' at times, and i could go into why that's bad, but, anyway... It isn't, anon. This is something I have to strongly state. It is not meant an infringement or invalidation of your person when I need to invalidate certain ideas or lines of reasoning to even have a chance to help people work through stuff. I hope I can do so in a manner that is still respectful of the person and reasonably agreeable.
All that said, I have a hard time to find something to latch onto with you. What do you wanna achieve/change about yourself or your circumstances?
>>39352873 I'm taken actually!
>>39352715 >>39352927 Hmm.. it is good you are seeking help. I hope therapy/psychiatry will help you, as the other anon suggests, experiences vary wildly. Would you like to go into detail of what is ailing you? Were you diagnosed already?
>>39353034 >Even being /regularly/ committed is extremely shit. I would love to hear of your experiences and current situation, Anon.
Anonymous
>>39351393 >it’s raining and hailing and I woke up late, and dizzy. I like the sound though. Maybe I should bake more bread. A cinnamon roll baking bread. If you do, don't hesitate to share pics if you feel like it!
>>39353465 >I am literally seething all the time but I repress it and it turns into depression. What is the source of your anger? Anger is.. difficult. It can make us move forward but usually makes us overshoot the target. Still, we need outlets.
>>39361332 >Sorry for typing like lunatic, just a little missed up these days. Hey don'tcha worry, I can make sense of it no problem, I am just gonna chip away at the posts bit by bit, alright? I'm perfectly content with your style.
>>39355125 Welcome, Anon! Just as a heads-up, things can be a bit slow here.
(Warning, I am not trans myself and all my info is second hand, but I have a good few years of second hand advice in active memory.) Weight cycling is, to my limited understanding, a bit of a meme. The issue is that the main bulk of long-term fat redistribution (time scale of 4-8 years) is old fat cells dying and being replenished according to your hormone levels. Losing weight has 0 impact on the number or life span of fat cells. And doing weight cycling wrong (aka anamoding) can lead to malnutrition which has the same effects on hrt as it has on a developing body.. it can hamper growth. If you lose weight make sure to keep the decifit moderate (~500kcal deficit=1lb or .5kg loss/week) unless you have a BMI>30. We have a book on how to build muscle in areas that will emphasize your lower half in the resource pastebin in the OP.
As for a good guide for what blood levels to expect, what developments should kick in when, and detailed stuff on hrt, definitely check out the info graphics in
>>>/lgbt/hrtgen (current thread at time of writing:
>>39264498 ). Definitely ask there too but they will ask you whether you checked your levels recently and stuff like that, and ask for your dosage.
Anonymous
>>39356067 >I want to cry. This week only just started but I feel myself slipping into a depressive episode and I think this week will be really hard. It sounds like there is a lot on your plate, anon. Please, let it out. And tell me about your depressive episodes, something you struggled with for a long time?
>>39350965 >>39350983 >>39358067 >Yeah, I really want my friends and family to have a decent chance in life, >it's getting hard out there these days. And I hope you know how laudable that is, to want to help and support people like that.
>I'm glad I'm not allowed. Huh? I'm not sure I follow that thought.
>I want to live a more worthwhile life from now on. >I'm tired of having no real point to my struggles >It never feels like I've pushed myself hard enough in life, I'm never enough. That is gonna suck the motivation out of everything, which makes it harder to work optimally. It is a genuine problem most of us face, and it is genuinely hard to work on that. But minds are more often changed by wearing out their refusal to change than by arguments, which means we have to very stubbornly cling to thoughts that feel unnatural to think at times, to make them our own. Compartmentalizing a big goal is important. Take "cleaning the house", "losing weight", etc. When you check the resources you will find S.M.A.R.T. goals being mentioned. It is about this: scope. Scope is essential. "I will clean two square meters of the living room, today, starting at 2PM" is much better than "the house will be clean eventually". The latter is effectively unattainable. There will always be something else to clean. You can think of it as making a bet with yourself. Accountability buddies can help too. I can go into the detail of why and how that should affect you mentally. Gratefulness exercises can help, too, we have a brief yt video on the subject.
Anonymous
>>39360149 >>39360484 >>39360546 >I don't know if I have what it takes to make more friends or peers at this stage in my life Ah, limited time and mental energy, gotcha. Yes, any effort needs to be sustainable to be healthy.
>I'll keep on trying my best. It's all anyone can do, searching, leveraging connections.. it is still fundamentally trial and error. Sadly.
>I'm doing my best to keep myself together so I can live more independently in the future. I have faith in you making it, in due time. I would like you to know that.
>it's registering for legal documents, Personally, my #1 go-to is first to ask people who have already done it, even now. We are social creatures and I have yet to meet anyone who has learned wrangling with paperwork differently from either that or sitting down a paid professional (for example filling out the form with the office clerk). Unless it is something absurd and convoluted like the US tax system where entire companies are built around offering services to do the paperwork for you, that is my usual approach.
>just being able to live on my own responsibly. Maybe let's get into the nitty gritty of that. Wanna talk housekeeping, finances, try to get really specific. I could for example tell you how I keep my living space clean, or if that comes easy for you, how I motivate myself to do chores?
>Being alone for most of the day is a weird adjustment How do you usually fill the hours when you're on your own, does it feel unproductive? What is different when you are alone?
Anonymous
Gonna be living away from my parents for the first time soon. Does anyone have any advice or... anything, really? I'm a tranny if it matters
Anonymous
>>39363669 >Good news: Passed math with an A-, economics for engineers with a B. AWESOME!
>I simply can't live on my own, my mental illness and social ineptitude make it impossible. I'm sorry to hear, anon. These things are immensely difficult. I want you to know this was not a wasted effort. I am curious about something on this front:
>One of my psychiatrists told me that I'd likely need a social worker if I wanted to live alone, and I didn't believe it. I guess they were right. >I could live with my parents & grandparents again then. I don't know... What are the chances of still getting a social worker to live with, by the way? Like, was there a feasible way to work with the psych's suggestion to begin with?
>>39365600 Sure, will you live completely on your own?
In that case, (also, something I perhaps forgot to say to
>>39360546 ), the biggest change will be that you will have to make a conscious effort to socialize, and that nothing in your living space will move an inch unless you make it. This will reveal blind spots you have. For example, if you are like me, the sink will always accumulate toothpaste stains. Stuff like that. And of course, learning to stock a pantry is a constant effort depending on how you do it and what you eat. Learning to cook is great, too. It all depends on what you are already used to doing in the household.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39365662 Completely alone, yeah. The owner of the place is technically on the property but won't be able to access my area whatsoever. That's a good point about the socializing. I've got stuff going on outside of where I live but still, I might need to ramp up a bit.
I'm a big fan of cooking as is, I know I'll need to get some more supplies but otherwise I haven't really tried keeping myself stocked up. Always just used what's around. I'll need to have a look I guess and try and plan meals to start.
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>>39307857 >How often would you say do you try to find connective tissue between your inner workings and a subject you know your conversation partner is interested in? Idk I try and tell a little about me if applies but usually I just focus on the other person and ask lots of questions and try and get to know them.
Week didn't go as planned. Took hrt to make desperation feels stop. But as before makes me feel like I am losing drive to meet people and I just stick to myself and am in own head more and anxious. I am so much less outgoing now. Think I doomed myself. darn. at least I know that I don't want to be trans person. but I also don't want to be man, but can't really change that. Shouldn't have taken hrt.
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>>39364894 >>39364903 >What aspects of your mind/person do you think can be changed/influenced at all? in recent years i've acknowledged i have social needs, and that i desire love (and attention, as is obvious by now). i've also realised i'm loved by two people, both family members. which was a massive breakthrough for me, and a strange experience overall. i do not know what other beliefs could change. honestly no one thinks their core beliefs can be changed.
>What do you wanna achieve/change about yourself or your circumstances? i want to be able to do things that make me happy without feeling intense anxiety and spiralling into self-hatred. like drawing, writing, wearing clothes i like, etc. something small would be being able to shop for groceries without it being so terrifying. these are things i think are possible to occur, when i'm in a good mood. but i want to be able to do these things for my own sake, not in order to fit in better or to please others, which despite myself often becomes the motive-- or prevents me from doing them in the first place.
and, okay, i do think it'd be nice if i wasn't so overwhelmed by other people, and i was able to receive positive attention without automatically feeling threatened. i'd like it if i didn't have to choose between obsessing over how to give the other person what they want and total detachment. i wish i didn't test people or push them away because i think it's going to happen eventually anyway. i wish i didn't have to suffer to feel good about myself (an offering to my superego). but i think all this happens because others are affecting me too much.
>prodding and questioning rude. no... if someone had an open mind and a genuine interest in trying to find out, it'd be fine. no issue with questioning.
>aren't rational/beneficial well, i take often issue with their reasoning. if someone has an agenda, then yeah i find that annoying. i'd at least like their ideology to be more interesting than it often is.
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wow my first double post>every attempt at changing individual aspects of it is an infringement/attack on your person? >latch onto
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I'm listening to Hemi Sync Artists Volume 2
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>>39369847 It actually started to give me a headache and nausea so I had to stop. I guess these binaural beats aren't for me...
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>>39369932 Sounds like some nonsense to me
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>>39365323 >And I hope you know how laudable that is, to want to help and support people like that I have a responsibility as the first born kid to try and help them, especially since my country is terrible at giving people a fair shot in life.
>Huh? I'm not sure I follow that thought Sorry, I meant to say 'I'm glad I'm not alone'.
>That is gonna suck the motivation out of everything, which makes it harder to work optimally. It is a genuine problem most of us face, and it is genuinely hard to work on that I just really need to light a fire under my ass and start building towards a real life in the future.
Bouncing along isn't going to work for long, my parents and relatives are getting older, I gotta think long term.
>But minds are more often changed by wearing out their refusal to change than by arguments, which means we have to very stubbornly cling to thoughts that feel unnatural to think at times, to make them our own That's a fair point, I'm definitely not immune to my own stubbernnes at times.
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>>39364894 >>It is a struggle for many people, and I hope venting/talking to people helps a little bit. What has raised your anxiety recently? How do you usually soothe yourself? I distract myself
it keeps coming back
idk what to do other than endure
im sorry
talking with people helps me forget
but lonely reality is real
I cant think sometimes
sleep helps
I hate it
I really do hate it
Wish I could just stop. Either way
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>>39365216 Thanks for the response, I know weight cycling isn't 100% science but a lot of people say it works so I might as well try I guess
I looked at the ressource pastebin and literally every book link is broken so I started using youtube workout videos and did around 30 minutes of exercise, I don't know how effective they are because it's surface level shit but It burned around my ass and my legs don't work anymore so it feels like it works
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>>39371015 nta but the book links likely are broken because of your ISP. You can use tor browser to side step it.
if you never used library genesis it might be a bit confusing.
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>>39371039 A proxy worked fine and I downloaded it no problem, I'll try and read it but if it's just text I might get bored and go back to youtube videos ngl I wanna get a fat booty not a degree in human anatomy
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>>39371143 nvm it's a weird file extension and you need another app to read it icbb to do allat for a book that just could've been a pdf
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>>39371143 >>39371186 valid, there shoulda been both epub and pdf links but ngl the most important thing is you find stuff you have the patience for, never shy away from sharing what helped you.
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>>39370554 I used to think that they were just hooey too but ummmm, it gave me a headache so it clearly did something !
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what a weird april fools gag
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>>39372704 It was good. All the trannies who love to cry in their tttt echo chamber have to.... Go outside or deal with themselves for a day!
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>>39365323 >Compartmentalizing a big goal is important. Take "cleaning the house", "losing weight", etc. When you check the resources you will find S.M.A.R.T. goals being mentioned. It is about this: scope. Scope is essential. "I will clean two square meters of the living room, today, starting at 2PM" is much better than "the house will be clean eventually". I think I follow what you're saying.
Keep day to day more manageable for long term results.
>The latter is effectively unattainable. There will always be something else to clean. You can think of it as making a bet with yourself. Accountability buddies can help too I see, I really need to have a more positive perspective on getting things done, unseated of constantly feeling fight or flight about my daily procedures.
>I can go into the detail of why and how that should affect you mentally. Gratefulness exercises can help, too, we have a brief yt video on the subject Please do, I'd appreciate the information very much.
I've been trying to journal/gratitude journalling but I'm not consistent enough.
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>>39365560 >Ah, limited time and mental energy, gotcha. Yes, any effort needs to be sustainable to be healthy Yeah, I've been in a bit of a rut lately but Ok I'm trying to keep myself busy at least.
>It's all anyone can do, searching, leveraging connections.. it is still fundamentally trial and error. Sadly. True, I just hope people don't think I'm too weird to employ down the line.
>I have faith in you making it, in due time. I would like you to know that Thank you, Anon.
I really do appreciate that a lot.
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>>39365560 >Personally, my #1 go-to is first to ask people who have already done it, even now. We are social creatures and I have yet to meet anyone who has learned wrangling with paperwork differently from either that or sitting down a paid professional (for example filling out the form with the office clerk) Understandable, getting out there is my best shot at figuring how grown adults to about doing that while thing.
I really need to stop day dreaming when I fill out paper work...
>Unless it is something absurd and convoluted like the US tax system where entire companies are built around offering services to do the paperwork for you, that is my usual approach That's fair, my family has connections and colleagues that I could link up with in the future.
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>>39363995 Had the opportunity to check what foods being sold, I'd have to check other places for pricing but every other place is fairly out there, but from what I could tell Potatoes are really really cheap, carrots are also fairly cheap, corn, bell peppers aren't that bad but I'd have to buy in bulk, milk is expensive, I'll probably buy a giant bag of rice and can't say more cause 2k characters :/
>Sounds like you have a lovely relationship.. Yeah, I should go see her more before it's too late.
>Oh, most staff I know are actually bemoaning the fact politics is trying to force them to stop making people fail. Yeah I've heard horror stories about how some students are just given nothing, no support, no ability to not fail, nothing. Doesn't seem to happen over here though.
>A Disgusting trend by the way. True, hopefully it stops.
>But I also carefully choose which educators I talk to so you have a point! Yeah, I was thinking more like staff who tend to be tenured and haven't been in education for a couple of decades.
>>39364013 >I hope I didn't come off like I implied the opposite! Oops, sorry if it came off like that but I was mainly using it as a way to bring up the talking to classmates for the task.
>that's why I suggest it. I'll try to keep that in mind, especially if I'm in an environment that would allow me to try it.
>Can you describe the ways in which they seemed disengaged? Looking away, mumbling, on their phone, hands crossed, yawning, distracted by objects, looking bored. It's possible they have ASD, but what are the odds that both of them have it and act in the same exact way.
>Never got much negative feedback, at least! Sounds like a good sign.
>too much faith in the paperwork and nobody tried to apply common sense and basic math before pressing on That does sound like something that could happen, especially if you have a bunch of students coming in for the new academic year.
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>>39365560 >Maybe let's get into the nitty gritty of that. Wanna talk housekeeping, finances, try to get really specific I have a lot on my mind but I think it's best to ask: What's a skill I need to have firm grasp on so I can get ready to move out when I financially stable enough?
>I could for example tell you how I keep my living space clean, or if that comes easy for you, how I motivate myself to do chores? Th hats would also be very beneficial to me, yes please.
>How do you usually fill the hours when you're on your own, does it feel unproductive? I used to draw a lot but I don't have a desktop or table set up here where I know live, I'm missing a lot of stuff I'd really like to have again.
Right I'm just gyming, eating, cleaning and looking for work (online and local).
When I'm not procrastinating that is, sorry
>What is different when you are alone? I feel a little less pressure to get everything done properly.
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Okay I admit that April Fools was kinda hilarious, because it perfectly emulated the IRL shitshow levels.
We've hit the bump limit so I will first make a new thread, then start sorting out responses.
....Aaand I fucked up the OP. Will try to delete the thread and make a new one. Give me a few.
>>39372704 I think the issue with it is that the idea is funny but more on a conceptual level, something that makes for a brief, amusing recollection. A whole day of it was a little much.
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>>39377048 >>39377048 New thread. Gonna cook up responses in the next one.
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bye bye for now
