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when i eventually realised i was actually trans and couldn't repress forever i started getting high on benzos all day every single day. i did it for 2 months and i was mostly functional during that time (it was lockdown so i was just at home studying though). but i remember none of it. the entire two months is a flat blur with no feeling. i was just high and somewhat sedated every single day and felt pretty much nothing, but in a nice, light way (not like a grey depressed way).
i stopped bc i ran out and realised i could just ruin the rest of my life doing that and i eventually gave up on repping but it's a good strategy if you don't mind the side effects
