>>39440114For me before puberty, I had a very tiny desire to have some female attributes. Such as, the want to do gymnastics and have one of those girly leotards, or long hair and wearing girls clothes. I very rarely wore a skirt or dress privately but I very much enjoyed it. I was still happy to be a boy and didn’t think much of it though. At this point in my life, I wouldn’t look at other girls and my first thought is, I love their hair or the way they look, I wish I could be like that. Then I realise that’s not going to happen. (I didn’t have that feeling at all before puberty)
For me, puberty really did make these feelings go to a level that has caused me to contemplate transitioning. I’d say my changing voice has made me insecure. I have always been quiet, but I do think I have gotten more quiet and shy. Growing facial hair also sucks but it’s generally okay if I shave it. Same with body hair but it’s kinda awkward to shave it as a boy when it’s summer time.
I do miss the time when dysphoria didn’t affect me and I know this will always be the case until I transition (although, more realistically if I transition).
But for me, I am grateful that I have got a lot of things to live for and aim for still in my life that I care about. The desire to be a woman will always be there but I hope my having other goals in life and hopefully achieving them will satisfy me enough to not commit suicide.
So really has life got worse after puberty?
Yes, my life did peak before puberty, because before puberty I felt like myself.
But now, how I present myself is more of like an act.
