Support Edition
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>>39226091 Goal of the thread: Talk to a friend or loved one, or in a pinch, feel free to socialize with us. Talking to people is a human need, even to those of us who exhaust quickly from communication.
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!
>What is this thread for? Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/? Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider: Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.
We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!
## RESOURCE LINKS:
Resource link paste:
https://sntry.cc/sig-resources-2024-04 General advice from Anons:
https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04 Posts from other sites (markdown format):
https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04
Anonymous
Anonymous
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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!
- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)
Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC:
https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/irc.rizon.net/#/lgbt/sig Discord:
https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2 Anonymous
>>39377048 i've tried to be right cat for a few guys and the all ditched me eventually
Anonymous
>>39377048 ive been trying to meet new people and ive made a few cis girl friends recently. hanging out always feels so nice and ive had a lot of fun recently, but every time, without miss, after im back home, i cant help noticing just how out of place i am and how im really just a bad copy of a woman. i overanalyze everything ive said and i start to feel like just a larping faggot than anything else it makes me feel so awful. i dont know what to do and i feel like until i pass and am stealth i wont really get over it because i am still openly a hon and a tranny.
Anonymous
Everything I said to anyone is a lie but this: I am truly just a man. Everything else is a masking cope. Everything
Anonymous
>>39365767 >I'm a big fan of cooking as is, I know I'll need to get some more supplies but otherwise I haven't really tried keeping myself stocked up. It is something that you will definitely learn to play by ear as you are thrown into it. Housekeeping in general I find to work out in a way of first trying to see what things come to you naturally and then investigating where you are lacking. Like, some people might just start vacuuming when they feel the need arise and never have to try planning for it. Others are gonna be less inclined and have to work around that.
>>39366639 >Idk I try and tell a little about me if applies but usually I just focus on the other person and ask lots of questions and try and get to know them. A very good start, absolutely! Expressing genuine interest in others makes them feel comfortable opening up. But do you feel like they express no interest in you? Do they ask questions about you in return? To be fair these two questions can be very independent of one another. Either way, if you find yourself quickly moving away from yourself as the topic it can also make it difficult for people to get to know you. Do you sometimes hang out with people individually?
>Week didn't go as planned. Took hrt to make desperation feels stop. So you're amab and consider transitioning... I don't think you mentioned anything regarding hrt up to this point! Could it be you also feel dysphoric and that makes things harder generally? Do you have an idea why you self isolate after hrt, since it shouldn't really be something innate to it.
>I don't want to be trans person. >I also don't want to be man Could you elaborate what makes you think these two things, respectively?
Anonymous
>>39365323 #>And I hope you know how laudable that is, to want to help and support people like that I have a responsibility as the first born kid to try and help them, especially since my country is terrible at giving people a fair shot in life.
>Huh? I'm not sure I follow that thought Sorry, I meant to say 'I'm glad I'm not alone'.
>That is gonna suck the motivation out of everything, which makes it harder to work optimally. It is a genuine problem most of us face, and it is genuinely hard to work on that I just really need to light a fire under my ass and start building towards a real life in the future.
Bouncing along isn't going to work for long, my parents and relatives are getting older, I gotta think long term.
>But minds are more often changed by wearing out their refusal to change than by arguments, which means we have to very stubbornly cling to thoughts that feel unnatural to think at times, to make them our own That's a fair point, I'm definitely not immune to my own stubbernnes at times.
>Compartmentalizing a big goal is important. Take "cleaning the house", "losing weight", etc. When you check the resources you will find S.M.A.R.T. goals being mentioned. It is about this: scope. Scope is essential. "I will clean two square meters of the living room, today, starting at 2PM" is much better than "the house will be clean eventually". I think I follow what you're saying.
Keep day to day more manageable for long term results.
Anonymous
>>39365323 >The latter is effectively unattainable. There will always be something else to clean. You can think of it as making a bet with yourself. Accountability buddies can help too I see, I really need to have a more positive perspective on getting things done, unseated of constantly feeling fight or flight about my daily procedures.
>I can go into the detail of why and how that should affect you mentally. Gratefulness exercises can help, too, we have a brief yt video on the subject Please do, I'd appreciate the information very much.
I've been trying to journal/gratitude journalling but I'm not consistent enough.
Anonymous
>Ah, limited time and mental energy, gotcha. Yes, any effort needs to be sustainable to be healthy >It's all anyone can do, searching, leveraging connections.. it is still fundamentally trial and error. Sadly. >I have faith in you making it, in due time. I would like you to know that >Personally, my #1 go-to is first to ask people who have already done it, even now. We are social creatures and I have yet to meet anyone who has learned wrangling with paperwork differently from either that or sitting down a paid professional (for example filling out the form with the office clerk) >Unless it is something absurd and convoluted like the US tax system where entire companies are built around offering services to do the paperwork for you, that is my usual approach
Anonymous
>>39363669 Wow well done on the grades anon! I’m sorry to hear about the breakdown though. Not being able to live independently is a hard thing to swallow, in my experience… With how the world operates it can feel like a massive personal defeat.
>incel rage ig Fwiw you seem like a fairly self-aware person from what I’ve seen. For me, when I’m not too dissociated, I get homicidal and suicidal when sufficiently stressed, which apparently that isnt all that uncommon with disorders like ADHD or PTSD. I dont know if reading that is of any help. But I thought I would mention it because feeling these things aren’t necessarily a sign of being a bad person
>No idea how it even got through the medical trials Fr, that and how it’s often being given as one of the first antipsychotics for patients to try is an absolute mystery to me. Guy in one of my talk therapy groups ages ago would sit in silence and stare at the wall the entire session while on it. Freaky af.
>medical malpractice I believe the preferred term is “symptomatic treatment” (kek but. Yeah. It’s… a wild ride)
>>39364805 >Interesting that the way your emotions burst out changed. Do you feel any.. catharsis, afterwards? Does it feel more like a release than it used to? Sadly I don’t. Being more blunt with my anger and sadness is largely a byproduct of stress and feeling like nothing matters, so the feeling I’m left with afterwards is more in the vein of restless hopelessness.
Compared to last year my adhd meds make it easier not to dissociate completely, however.
Even if I still slip up sometimes and turn into a ghost.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39365560 #>Maybe let's get into the nitty gritty of that. Wanna talk housekeeping, finances, try to get really specific I have a lot on my mind but I think it's best to ask: What's a skill I need to have firm grasp on so I can get ready to move out when I financially stable enough?
>I could for example tell you how I keep my living space clean, or if that comes easy for you, how I motivate myself to do chores? Th hats would also be very beneficial to me, yes please.
>How do you usually fill the hours when you're on your own, does it feel unproductive? I used to draw a lot but I don't have a desktop or table set up here where I know live, I'm missing a lot of stuff I'd really like to have again.
Right I'm just gyming, eating, cleaning and looking for work (online and local).
When I'm not procrastinating that is, sorry
>What is different when you are alone? I feel a little less pressure to get everything done properly.
Anonymous
And to the anon I dedicated my next bread to: here it is!
Anonymous
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>>39367662 >>39367673 (1/3)
>in recent years i've acknowledged i have social needs, and that i desire love >i've also realised i'm loved by two people, both family members. which was a massive breakthrough for me, and a strange experience overall. That is a major breakthrough, and definitely something to cherish!
>honestly no one thinks their core beliefs can be changed. I agree. We would be pretty unstable on a psychological level if we could change our core beliefs all the time on a whim. It is no wonder we have a certain inertia.
>i want to be able to do things that make me happy without feeling intense anxiety and spiralling into self-hatred. As far as I am aware*, the thing with things like anxiety is that it boils down to addressing a comparably nonverbal part of ourselves. More to the point fears and anxieties are mostly combated through stuff like exposure therapy and finding ways to mentally automate self soothing. Stuff like CBT and related methods - to the best of my very limited knowledege - are meant to aid that.
*Of course I am not a trained professional so.. take it with a grain of salt.
>i do think it'd be nice if i wasn't so overwhelmed by other people, and i was able to receive positive attention without automatically feeling threatened. Of course, the nasty thing about changing minds, these things in particular, is that on some level we have a mental self defense
>i wish i didn't test people or push them away because >i think it's going to happen eventually anyway. I know it cannot be super convincing but having it seen be successfully mitigated in others makes me have faith in you overcoming it. But it will require subversive means. Basically, because humans are difficult to change, a lot of working methods hinge on what ultimately is microdosing self delusion/manipulation. Tricking ourselves, or having us tricked. That is an unfathomably intimate thing. And I understand how scary that is to put in the hands of someone you don't fully trust.
Anonymous
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>>39367662 >>39367673 (2/3)
>being able to shop for groceries without it being so terrifying. By the way, if you want we could try work on that kinda stuff at least, your loved ones can help you there too! Like I already alluded to, exposure therapy will be an integral part to overcome this. Having a loved one by your side to soothe you, and you experimenting with grounding techniques, would likely help you accomplish that.
>i wish i didn't have to suffer to feel good about myself You definitely deserve better.
>i think all this happens because others are affecting me too much. I am not sure that is the root cause..
>no issue with questioning. I'm grateful for your patience!
>if someone has an agenda, then yeah i find that annoying. Hmm, I see. This ties into what I meant with therapists by nature messing with one's person on a deeply intimate level, so you being uncomfortable with them is not at all something I ever wanna make light of.
>i simply want to be acknowledged; if someone can understand why i do these things, maybe they'll know how i can get out of the trap, because i sure as hell don't. For a long time I never consciously distinguished between sympathy ("I feel for you"), compassion ("I want to help") and empathy ("I feel what you feel"). I found it eventually very useful to use these words with precision and intent in moments like this. It seems like you want people to, at least some extent, be able to empathize. To see things from your perspective. I think that is perfectly sensible. Thank you for taking the time to explain it. I hope I haven't been too harsh on you!>in the context of becoming less 'mentally ill' and more 'healthy', its character totally changes.
Ahh yes. We all want some semblance of normalcy. We don't wanna be treated like aliens, and something about being a "patient" to someone is, by its very nature, reductive. That said, people in mental health should not treat you like that, yet many do. And that is shitty.
Anonymous
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>>39367662 >>39367673 (3/3)
>stupid and closed minded I'm sorry that I was so critical, but at no point did I ever want to imply you are stupid. And you helped me understand your pov a great deal! I also get your grievances with society as a whole, that you don't feel safe around most people because of your own experiences. You are not crazy for any of that. We as people always, always, ALWAYS extrapolate from what we have. That is both a strength and a weakness. For example if a thing that can work never did for us (maybe for reasons completely unrelated to the thing), we will be INCREDIBLY reluctant to give that thing yet another chance other people's experiences be damned. You are not closed minded or crazy or anything to think of feel that way. That is normal human behavior, and it is what usually keeps us alive. But it can make us blind to things. Maladaptive coping mechanisms, depression.. these are things happening to rational, ordinary people. Things that are self perpetuating because our natural inclinations and inertia, our experiences, our brain chemistry, whatever prime us to walk in circles. Hardware level bugs, if you will. It means that the way out is something we are very unlikely to pursue on a whim or out of our own will without external impetus. Often it relates to overcoming a particular kind of discomfort. Annoyingly, discomfort, fear and confusion can actually point to progress. It is fundamentally counter intuitive.
>what else can i do? >it solves for something perceived to be worse. That is so hard about all of this. We all are alive for the first time.
Fundamentally, I think you want to and can change, but you definitely need more reassurance and comfort than a stranger can provide. For that you would need to first be more comfortable around people, I think. From a safer, familiar environment. Maybe that would be a good start really. Self help with support from family? What do you think about all I said here?
Anonymous
>>39368856 Never heard of it, where did you dig it up?
>>39370818 >>39373383 >Sorry, I meant to say 'I'm glad I'm not alone'. Ahh, thanks for clarifying!
>That's a fair point, I'm definitely not immune to my own stubbernnes at times. None of us are, it's only human, anon!
>I think I follow what you're saying. >Keep day to day more manageable for long term results. Yes exactly! And take the time to dwell on it. Keep records if it helps! Receipts of your small achievements, so to say. Allow yourself a hoard of accomplishments. As you said, it is about rigging perspective.
>Please do, I'd appreciate the information very much. Okay, accountability. The thing about it, in contrast to things like journaling, is that it stimulates you socially. Pygmalion effect comes to mind. Essentially, telling someone "I will do X" will put a burden of expectation on you, but also the feeling of someone looking forward to having their expectation fulfilled. It will give you something to look forward to: an interaction. That carried me through the tough bits of my weight loss. That's the first thing that comes to mind in lieu of a journal.
>>39370832 Are you often on your own?
Anonymous
>>39371015 >>39371186 Heya! It sounds like the links in the pastebin are unintuitive, you are right that epub is an obscure format compared to pdf, I should probably write a guide how to use these links to help people. I also noticed there are some http links that shouldn't exist! Sorry for the poor experience.
>>39373421 >>39373719 >>39376774 (1/2)
>True, I just hope people don't think I'm too weird to employ down the line. If that were the case many physics PhDs I know would be out of a job, don't you worry.
>I really need to stop day dreaming when I fill out paper work... Oh? You like, zone out? I guess it's better than my anxiety and fussing at least, kek. I don't know if it helps to hear but I'm 32, a postdoc currently working abroad (still in Europe).
Just sou you have a general idea what shapes my pov.
>Right I'm just gyming, eating, cleaning and looking for work (online and local). That's already great I think!
>I feel a little less pressure to get everything done properly. Do you feel like something
>I'm missing a lot of stuff I'd really like to have again. Is it just a matter of getting the stuff or is there another limitation? Time, money, space..
Anonymous
>>39373421 >>39373719 >>39376774 (2/2)
>I have a lot on my mind but I think it's best to ask: What's a skill I need to have firm grasp on so I can get ready to move out when I financially stable enough? In my experience? Just.. bookkeeping. Think about it, a home is basically just a set of walls to keep the weather outside and the warmth inside. Everything about it needs semi-regular maintenance or has a running cost attached. There will always be laundry, dishes, food running out or spoiling, dust, shower gel running low, appliances breaking, bulbs needing replacement.. Your number one goal in all of this is to not go insane. That means working out a method that, for anxious types at least, has a clear cut "not now" thought terminating reaction attached. Dishes I do every time I walk past or into the kitchen. I made it a habit. Hence I never have much in terms of dirty dishes. Laundry? Sunday or Saturday. No other day, so it's out of my mind. Etc. Trash is my nemesis since I can't do it based on triggers or weekly intervals. It accumulates without any good patterns and I don't like yeeting half full bags. In general I run on habits for the most part because I SUCK at time tables. Some are good at that, def not me. I build my life around triggers. I keep my vacuum cleaner somewhere where I can grab it on impulse. Like I said, I have the rule about dishes. I set myself some reminders in Thunderbird for tasks that I can do in reg intervals because then when I hear the notification sound I know I gotta get up. Pavlovian housekeeping if you will.
Anonymous
>>39376036 >Potatoes are really really cheap, carrots are also fairly cheap, corn, bell peppers aren't that bad but I'd have to buy in bulk, milk is expensive, I'll probably buy a giant bag of rice and can't say more cause 2k characters :/ The damned char limit, feel free to indulge multiposting as I often do. But right, given I know your country (roughly) I know from first hand experience that pasta, root veggies, grains and such should be cheap. Milk being expensive is tricky of course but workable. Just with root veggies, eggs, oil/butter and perhaps cheese there is already a ton of stuff you can make. For example carrot, onion and celery make an amazing base for stocks and sauces (soffrito), so does the holy trinity of cajun cooking (bell pepper, onion, celery). Generally grated or chopped carrot and onion with for example jarred tomato passata makes a great sauce. As for rice: consider dried or canned legumes, beans and rice are a staple of latin american cooking.
>Looking away, mumbling, on their phone, hands crossed, yawning, distracted by objects, looking bored. That's just fucking rude. Though the question is whether they were like this because of the setting or because they are that uninterested in getting to know people. If they act like this outside of a class setting too I would consider them a lost cause as well. Just to make sure I didn't lose the plot, those were the same people interested in the class and otherwise motivated?
>>39377069 I'm sorry to hear, anon. When did we last talk? Could you re-introduce yourself a little, tell me of your circumstances?
>>39377080 I am sorry to hear, Anon. Some people who are unwell self isolate, and push others away. I hope you know it does not mean it was your (or anyone's) fault. It hurts, and it sucks. I also lost friends I was just trying to support in the past. I know your pain. How are you doing these days?
Anonymous
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>>39378472 >>39378481 >>39378512 >>39378534 See above, I think I caught all your replies from last thread (can't link thanks to spam filter)
Anonymous
>>39377141 Glad to hear you get to hang out with people! Yes, comparing yourself is incredibly easy a trap to fall into.
>every time, without miss, after im back home, i cant help noticing just how out of place i am and how im really just a bad copy of a woman. The google-able term for this, if you're curious, is post-event rumination! One of the things I personally did to cope is to try and get feedback for some of my thoughts, to have a feedback with reality. Often I found letting myself be reassured helps. Anxieties are fed by unknowns, feeling unprepared, being exposed to the unfamiliar, and ... time. By keeping busy, seeking affirmation/feedback etc you can make it easier to overcome. It is impossible to make "don't think about X" work. You can only drown out a thought with another, or engage with it in terms you set to rig the game in your favor. Mindfulness stuff and cognitive behavior therapy are about that.
>>39377687 Sounds like dysphoria is hitting you like an anvil, Anon... Do you often feel this way?
>>39378514 Ah, that sucks Shinjinon. I am glad the meds help grounding you. Can I ask something silly? How do you generally feel about physical affection, and do you have plushies?
Anonymous
>>39377729 >feel like they express no interest in you? Yes. Maybe will ask one question about me and I tell them about myself a little but sorta just ends there with no follow up questions.
>Do you sometimes hang out with people individually? yes. really only individually. in groups I just sorta fade away into the background.
yes i am amab. I believe i said before but understandable its hard to keep track of so many people. i medically transitioned for a few years but for many reasons i stopped. its been almost a year detransitioned now. i could go into it but maybe another time.
even though what I planned didn't work out, and I was literally too terrified to speak because I've literally never told anyone anything about sexuality or gender issues aside from medical professionals so I couldn't do it there. But that ended up leading to me going to their bingo event at gay bar a different day. That was way way out my comfort zone and I decided last minute because I thought when driving home, I'm literally going to kms in a few weeks I truly have nothing to lose. I was little afraid but eventually felt a little better as night went on.
Anonymous
>>39379937 >Sounds like dysphoria is hitting you like an anvil, Anon... Do you often feel this way? is it dysphoria or reverse dysphoria?
And yes constantly it seems
Rarely does it go away
this masking
Anonymous
Are protein shakes good for the munchies??
Anonymous
i made the dumplings yesterday (it took forever lol), and my mum really liked them. she left most for today, and told me she was thinking about them all day. that shocked the hell out of me. i think i'm very happy about that. i should really make more of them. cooking can be stressful but it's also pretty fun...
i agonised a lot more over the fillings for my dad's ones. he's not going to get them until... idk when. he's been asking to meet up and stuff so i sent those instead, kind of.
>>39380113 i tried those a long time ago on a low calorie diet and they made me hungry as fuck after i think. taste good though. blending with ice for a milkshake would work too i bet.
i used to do that with coffee. ice and a bit of salt. it becomes creamy somehow, and it's filling.
anyway you should try and see how it works for yourself.
Anonymous
Had one more post in the works but I need a break. Gonna post what I had and call it a night. More replies tomorrow!
>>39378594 Oh hell yes, thank you for sharing, Anon!
Gosh I wish I had an oven in this place. No matter, I will move within the year anyway I guess. Sorry to hear it didn't live quite up to your hopes but on paper it sounds great, a salty and savory bread. I have some olives I need to use up, gosh they would be nice in bread.
>>39379944 How often do you get to express yourself freely/girlmode?
Anonymous
>>39379937 >Can I ask something silly? No fun allowed, business inquiries only. (Kidding)
>How do you generally feel about physical affection Physical affection is great and I am ridiculously stereotypically European about giving and receiving it if people are up for it. I love a good hug.
>and do you have plushies? an embarrassing amount of them. picrel is Icebat
Design, branding, and craftsmanship has always fascinated me, whether it be for toys, water bottles, or cinematography. Form and function and all of that.
>>39380384 >becomes creamy somehow I think there is something about the pectins in coffee being able to aid in the creation of an emulsion between the oil and the water but I cant quite remember. Those dumplings sound like they must have been great by the way! What did you put in them?
>>39380411 You have my sympathy, I know firsthand the pain of ovenless living. Never again.
Olive bread sounds so good too though. I guess you could always make a pan bread instead. That usually plays well with savoury.
>Sorry to hear it didnt live quite up to your hopes Heh it’s fine. I think I might cut off the top and coat it in chocolate because it’s actually quite enjoyable as a non-savoury bread :)
Anonymous
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>>39379943 anyway this will be my last post. sorry for taking your time. but also thank you. these past couple of weeks have been some of the best. I feel nice that I could at least tell somebody even if it's anonymous and topics sorta shift will wildly.
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39379549 >If that were the case many physics PhDs I know would be out of a job, don't you worry Fair but I'd rather focus on keeping my head down and making some cash rather than drawing attention to myself in a small town.
A counsellor I spoke to suspected I have Asd or something.
>Oh? You like, zone out? I guess it's better than my anxiety and fussing at least, kek. I don't know if it helps to hear but I'm 32, a postdoc currently working abroad (still in Europe) Yeah I day dream most of my time away.
>Just sou you have a general idea what shapes my pov I see, I got a better idea now.
>That's already great I think! Yeah it's not the worst but I think I need to up my game this month.
>Do you feel like something I think I just have mild performance anxiety.
>Is it just a matter of getting the stuff or is there another limitation? Time, money, space.. Drawing, gaming and talking with friends was more practical when I had a desktop computer setup and wifi.
I can chat online but I really REALLY miss being able to draw digitally (I wanna practice more so I can do commissions and stuff in a few years from now).
Anonymous
>>39379557 >In my experience? Just.. bookkeeping. Think about it, a home is basically just a set of walls to keep the weather outside and the warmth inside. Everything about it needs semi-regular maintenance or has a running cost attached I see, should I start getting all the relevant costs documents together on my laptop then?
I can ask my father and grandfather about proper procedures for it too, I think.
Anonymous
>>39381179 she's very picky so it was just mushrooms and cheese, with some salt & pepper. for the others, the main parts were: cauliflower, scotch bonnets, and coconut; edamame, curd, and spring onions.
also... i think i our result on that big five test were extremely similar lol, if you're that anon. just mentioning that randomly because i'm (you)ing you anyway.
Anonymous
>>39380411 I never girlmode
Ever. Not even “crossdressing” at any point. It’s cringe imo
Idk anymore, I just want this to stop.
Anonymous
>>39379557 >There will always be laundry, dishes, food running out or spoiling, dust, shower gel running low, appliances breaking, bulbs needing replacement.. Your number one goal in all of this is to not go insane. I guess it's best to keep it as simple as possible.
>That means working out a method that, for anxious types at least, has a clear cut "not now" thought terminating reaction attached. Dishes I do every time I walk past or into the kitchen. I made it a habit. Hence I never have much in terms of dirty dishes. Laundry? Sunday or Saturday. No other day, so it's out of my mind Makes sense.
Anonymous
>>39379247 >Are you often on your own? Yes
I see myself as a guy still
Maybe that’s just my gd
But I don’t feel anything. Everything feels like lies and I can’t quite shake that feeling.
Maybe I’ve had enough of this experiment. And it’s time to move on. I thought of it so many times. I don’t know what I want anymore.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39379557 >Trash is my nemesis since I can't do it based on triggers or weekly intervals. It accumulates without any good patterns and I don't like yeeting half full bags. In general I run on habits for the most part because I SUCK at time tables. Some are good at that, def not me. I build my life around triggers I sorta do the same thing with my own triggers.
I neaten up my room after showering so I can be sure I can put away stuff easier after I wake up and get ready for the day.
Anonymous
>>39383430 I should thank you on his behalf
>>39384543 Mushrooms and cheese does sound pretty yummy to be real, as simple as it is.
Oh and, ah lol, no that wasn’t me, I think it might have been venting-trip-anon off trip but I’m not sure. Maybe I should take it too for fun but I bet it’d be quite different.
Anonymous
I think my issue has been to assume I’m anything like a trans girl
(venting, feel free to ignore)
I'm home and my psychiatrist has given me a sick note for another 4 weeks. I'm exploring my options. Going back to the city is not an option though. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Anonymous
Hey SIG!
venting etc
>>39365662 >this was not a wasted effort Thanks anon. I know. It doesn't feel like a wasted effort.
>What are the chances of still getting a social worker to live with, by the way? On short notice? Practically zero, I think. I'm not sure though. It doesn't matter. I'm not going back to that particular school, simple as.
>>39378514 >Wow well done on the grades anon! I’m sorry to hear about the breakdown though. Thanks. It is what it is.
>Not being able to live independently is a hard thing to swallow, in my experience… With how the world operates it can feel like a massive personal defeat. True. I'm so grateful that I have a good family. It could all be so much worse.
>you seem like a fairly self-aware person from what I’ve seen Hmm, I think I've learned to handle these things to some extend. I've only completely lost control once, during my first episode. The drawback to that is that it doesn't feel real. Like, I will appear perfectly normal, maybe a bit distracted or absent-minded, but inside have delusions and be extremely paranoid. That's not the case right now, thankfully. But this mental health stuff just expresses itself in a very weird way with me tbqh
>For me, when I’m not too dissociated, I get homicidal and suicidal when sufficiently stressed, which apparently that isnt all that uncommon with disorders like ADHD or PTSD That sucks. Sorry to hear that, shinji. It seems like you really got dealt the worst hand, healthwise. But I know that it's possible to still live a good life, with mental illness at least. You just have to compromise on what a good life looks like, methinks.
>these things aren’t necessarily a sign of being a bad person That's true. I think I might just be a bad person independently of that though. But who's to say.
Anonymous
>>39384912 oops clearly didn't follow the chain properly
Anonymous
>>39379557 >I keep my vacuum cleaner somewhere where I can grab it on impulse. Like I said, I have the rule about dishes. I set myself some reminders in Thunderbird for tasks that I can do in reg intervals because then when I hear the notification sound I know I gotta get up. Pavlovian housekeeping if you will That sounds very useful, I will put it into practice.
I need to get more desciplined again.
I need to apply for jobs more regularly, I've just kind of been coasting around lately.
I really hope I can get some decent work so I can start saving up money for things.
Hopefully I can find my family some work too, my dad is the main breadwinner still and he's not getting any younger...
Anonymous
>>39377048 i'm so fucking tired i just want to disappear
Anonymous
There's no point in improving myself. No one will ever love me anyway. It doesn't matter what I do, at the end of the day I'm still a disgusting subhuman tranny, not good enough for anyone. I'll just go back to starving myself and playing vidya and watching porn all day. At least I won't be deluding myself into thinking I deserve anything better.
Anonymous
>>39388124 try to think one one positive reason you get out of self loathing woe is me like this before posting, and if you can't, don't! you being ohhh look how miserable I am does nothing and you dig yourself into a stupid hole further you stupid head. Get out of here if you don't want to change things in your life or start doing something to help yourself. Nobody is going to save you.
Anonymous
>>39388285 I wanted to complain and I did. I'm not asking for help.
Anonymous
>>39386254 >>39386049 I’m glad to hear you got 4 weeks off anon. You sound like you could really use a break. Feeling like you’re not supposed to be feeling okay sounds like a type of guilt associated with feeling relief over quitting or failing at something you were “supposed” to be doing, if I had to throw a guess and put in my two cents. But I don’t know if that’s completely off-chart.
>I've only completely lost control once, during my first episode. How did that first episode play out for you, if you don’t mind telling? (it’s cool if you dont. I can understand not wanting to revisit the past).
>The drawback to that is that it doesn't feel real. Hm. When you’re experiencing this, is it primarily yourself or the world that feels unreal, or both at the same time? (I.e: does it feel more like you’re living in a simulation (derealisation), or more like you’re not a real person (depersonalisation))
And assuming it affects your memories how so?
>You just have to compromise on what a good life looks like, methinks. Yeah I think you’re right on that one. You cant keep compromising forever, obviously, but… Learning to be okay with never being perfect or normal is important.
>I think I might just be a bad person independently of that though Hmm. Sorry if you’ve answered this already, but which specific parts of yourself, your behaviour, or your achievements are making you think this? I can kind of infer that the anger and paranoia is some of it, but sometimes it helps to put it into concrete phrases and examples when trying to analyse it
Anonymous
Today I… didnt do much aside from sleeping 14+ hours because my foot has a new red splotch and it feels funny, like im about to rip the muscle apart. Uh. Guess I’m going to the doctor tomorrow.
Ha ha.
My hand vacuum broke too. None of this was high up my wishlist.
>>39386065 Hm I dont have a good solid answer to that, but I’d try lurking female bodybuilding reddits if I were you. A classmate I had once was a female bodybuilder and I remember her lamenting that the first thing to go, fat wise, were always the breasts and then the butt. (Supposedly that is part of the reason why many of them opt for implants)
>>39386405 It okay anon, no shame, only Icebat and dumplings now
Anonymous
Too bad I cant delete post. I dont want siganon to waste time on something that I dont even reply to. It's over. Think will sign up for therapy as last stitch effort and clean up my living areas for when it's finally time
Anonymous
>>39389456 Oh come on, I was just about to begin working on the thread. Which one are you? I just started (re)reading posts I haven't replied to. If you have a few we can change around the order of things.
Anonymous
>>39379943 >Maybe will ask one question about me and I tell them about myself a little but sorta just ends there with no follow up questions. Hm.. that makes it difficult. Before I get into this, do NOT take away from any suggestion that people reacting this way is in any way "on you"; the main reason I try to give actionable things to try anyway is because, in the end, the only thing we can control is our own actions. I have friends who care about my abstract ideas a lot more than my personal life, in which case bonding happened through debate, and my personal life they got to know as the foundation from which my ideas grew, as context I peppered in.
>i medically transitioned for a few years but for many reasons i stopped. Ohh yes I believe I mixed things up and forgot about that, thanks for the reminder.
>I was literally too terrified to speak because I've literally never told anyone anything about sexuality or gender issues aside from medical professionals so I couldn't do it there. >But that ended up leading to me going to their bingo event at gay bar a different day. That is already a major win in my book, you might be able to use that "nothing to lose" mindset to ease yourself into opening up to one of them. It sounds like it went well. You can ease into it. And we might want to investigate your detransition because.. well. I have seen cases of detransitioners experiencing severe dysphoria without being aware they do, which massively impacted their emotional and psychological well-being. Not believing it could be dysphoria then led them to work on unrelated (also important) matters but to their horror improvements did not lead to the desired result. Things like this are insidious. Because I sure as heck wouldn't be able to tell that it is the case for you, but you might not necessarily feel it either. So this is mostly a warning light blinking.
>>39380113 Depends, what are your goals? Sounds like you are trying to lean bulk, perhaps?
Anonymous
>>39380384 Cooking is my biggest creative outlet so I very much vibe with that, and dumplings are one of the things I miss making (living alone this year so..). It is a wonderful thing though, this "I made this" feeling, especially paired with "Someone else enjoyed what I made".
>>39384543 That sounds absolutely delicious by the way!
>>39381179 What an adorable bat! I have a ton of plushies myself, though none with me unfortunately. I am quite fond of moths, bugs my gf used to be quite afraid of. After I made her overcome the fear (made her fall in love with them even) I gifted her a plush moth, from squishables. They have some very cute designs. I'm quite touchy myself, I love hugs and am quite physical, more than is normal for a northern German as I've been told. I'm a little touch starved these days from working abroad... hm. I digress, the reason I brought it up is because physical contact, even hugging a plushie, is such a wonderfully grounding thing, isn't it?
>>39383830 >Drawing, gaming and talking with friends was more practical when I had a desktop computer setup and wifi. Ah, so it will likely be sorted out soon?
>>39383963 >I see, should I start getting all the relevant costs documents together on my laptop then? You mean like, a cost analysis? I was more thinking about time management and keeping inventory, which I usually do just by eye instead of writing things down, but that strongly depends on the type of person you are. You don't have to do a nitty gritty analysis right off the bat, one thing I would strongly recommend though is monitoring what you would intuitively do for a month without meddling too much, just playing by ear, and then after the fact sit down and take a look at your habits.
>I can ask my father and grandfather about proper procedures for it too, I think. I do think that is a great idea though, generally puzzling together these things from others in a pick and mix sort of way is the way I did it too.
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>>39384738 Chances are, from what I have seen, that the dysphoria will get easier if you let yourself girlmode, even if it is going to be really really hard to do even at home initially. Are you out to anyone?
>>39384796 Hope these pointers are helpful, by the way.
>>39390187 Nothing to be sorry for, you are here, you are alive, I am slowly chipping away at the posts, we can talk <3
I assume I haven't replied to you yet? I'm not mad, don't worry. I am just here to help.
>>39384805 Huh, do you mean you feel detached from your emotions? Perhaps generally feeling miserable when you do feel things?
>>39384880 Yep, we're on the same wavelength on that front, then.
Anonymous
I don't know what to do anymore. everyone has been treating me like dirt, and I don't know why. i feel abandoned and betrayed by the world and it hurts. I've barely eaten today because Im losing the motivation to.
Anonymous
>>39379772 I'm ok had a marvelous day filled with free money. One of my guy friends is being more receptive to me being closer with him too.
Anonymous
>>39385692 That sounds a bit spiraly, Anon.
>>39386065 Heya, Anon! Oh, this is a tricky question. Generally, chances are you should up your goal weight. I usually use BMI as a crutch to communicate safe limits, which works generally well for people who don't build muscle and are within usual parameters + not too physically active. You can, as a first general overview, look at recommendations for girls who are going through onset puberty, since that is what your transition is basically doing. That seems to give reliable enough info. So your current BMI is 23 and your target is 20.
>I'm interested in understanding whether continuing this cut will be unhealthy for me and especially whether this cut will harm my breast growth. Chances are, from my understanding, it likely would, absolutely. The question is, how comfortable are you at your current weight? Because, to my limited understanding, the level at which you are at would need a doc looking over you for some definitive answers. But to give you a few general statements I can make:
>Will my body adjust and start losing muscle mass without other negative consequences Did you know that muscle mass is not the first protein source the human body sacrifices? Apparently one of the first things is starts digesting are.. parts of the immune system. I would have to dig up a source for details but ultimately the body seems to compromise a ton of things before muscle mass is even touched.
Sadly I don't have concrete lower limits and I am not confident that an average medical doctor could give you a reliable answer, but if I were you I would not go much lower than maybe 1 BMI point below where you are right now without having my bf%age checked medically, since a lot of at-home measurements have yuge error bars, and even then I would say going further would be too risky to be worth it for now. That is my conservative estimate though, from what I have seen and heard, others might need to back me up or correct me.
Anonymous
I don't feel like a girl, and it makes me want to kms. I just want to be perceived as a woman. I'm serious reaching my limit.
Anonymous
>>39386254 >>39386049 >>39386254 >I feel oddly okay. >And now I feel guilty for feeling okay. I think it is sensible you do, all ways we strive to work on ourselves must be sustainable to work out after all, and you are adjusting things on the fly to keep things sustainable. You aren't letting anyone down, you are not giving up, you are just changing gear and trying to find a different approach that works for you. That may delay one thing or another but it is not a failure in my book at all.
>I'm not going back to that particular school, simple as. perfectly fair, as I said above, you're changing gears is all. I don't see anything wrong with it but hope you can get your grades accredited.
>>39386463 Have faith in yourself, Anon. It sounds like you are trying your darndest. Don't forget to not deny yourself some pride in your efforts, being too strict with oneself fries our reward mechanisms, so taking some pride is good for productivity!
Do you feel like I'm offering you useful suggestions/insights?
>>39386976 What is your cross to bear, anon?
Anonymous
>>39388124 >>39388311 Please, Anon. I am grateful you came here to speak out. Would you please indulge me for a moment and tell me more about what it is you have been doing you feel doesn't matter? What you wanna give up on? What led to that? I just wanna listen for now. Letting it out might ease the pain a little.
>>39388831 Fucking hell.. Sorry to hear, shinjinon.
>>39390310 That's awful, Anon. Can you tell me about your environment? How people treat you. I know you want to be good, you hurt a lot. We're here to help and support best we can, and a fresh pair of eyes might also reassure you. Plenty people here have clawed themselves out of abusive envs and found it was never them, for example. But one thing after the other.
>>39390588 So you girlmode but don't pass well, or do you manmode because you are afraid you won't pass?
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Okay, I think I need to call it a night.
>>39390316 Glad to hear you are having a good time! I wish you the best of luck in your relationship pursuits, platonic or otherwise. Remember you can always ping us when something is on your mind, alright?
Anonymous
>>39390169 oh no sig is sad
Anonymous
Hi I dont really know how to respond to responses from a different thread, but the cycles I have been have stopped and I don’t feel them much anymore I can spot them and notice it even more. I don’t have kids but we have a woman and her kids living with us and honestly I hate how she treats her kids sometimes she would call her an idiot and back then when she had her bf she would sort of actively be lovey dovey with him and I am not sure but I think she would to do to make her daughter actively cry. I know that if I called the CPS it would have been to the extreme and most likely me overreacting but she shouldn’t be treating her like that. I hear her son saying nigger at times and I think he learned from his cousin and just man I just wish my father would straighten him up a little bit because I know he looks up to my dad. I just feel bad for them there has been apparently there mom has been beat up before and her bf back then now hopefully ex was hitting her and the cops came and apparently there was another time where the cops again and I think the boy did it and just like fuck man. I remember telling myself I should teach them how to bake because they might need to do for them to eat but the thought of it being a double edged sword and the mom leaving them to make their own food worried me. The reason I think they see me as a pedo is because on the son or daughter’s birthday I remember the bf now ex was talking to another woman and I for some reason thought I should tell the kids because if I told her upfront she wouldn’t believe me which in hindsight doesn’t make any sense at all. The issue is that I didn’t talk to them and I legit didn’t know how so from their perspective I think it was me looking at them. They do know how to cut and wash their own food, but still I regret not teaching them how to make food two years ago now i believe
Anonymous
>>39390626 >So you girlmode but don't pass well, or do you manmode because you are afraid you won't pass? I'm very afraid I won't pass, and I'll get treated worse. I desperately want to girlmode BADLY but can't, I'm too scared. im not mentally strong enough, but manmoding is so unbearable.
Anonymous
>>39391726 I didn’t realize how bad my porn addiction was to be honest on February or March my parents were gone for a week or two and I just kind of just picked up porn again and it was saying or rather what I was saying that I wanted more or needed to find something so I could have it to watch over and over again. To me I felt like if I found the perfect porn then I would stop but that was never going to happen because I always wanted more in the end and I realized even more that in my spare time and in the night I always checked if there was new porn and now I feel a bit weird because I have been doing that for so long now I don’t really know what to do. I think I am going to download some of it so I can keep it to watch because staying up till like 12 or waste my mornings looking it up is the same result or even spending money is just too much now that I see how bad the addiction really is. I feel a lot more better now that I have a better grasp that it is an addiction.
Anonymous
>>39390507 muscle loss anon here, thanks for the reply!
it makes sense that muscle loss is typically a pretty serious and even traumatic process for the body to go through. i was seeing a nutritionist for a bit which improved my diet but i had a hard time giving up my goal weight.
I’m definitely going to reconsider my goal weight and at the very least lengthen my timeframe so my body has time to adjust to the changes.
The biggest change with HRT has been that i *want* to take care of my body now. It’s good to remember that aesthetic goals are always secondary to being strong, healthy, and happy.
I’m happy at my current weight. It took me losing 45 lbs over the past 1.5 years to get here and I really do love my body. It’s not worth it to push into danger zones blindly for marginal returns.
Ty ty ty! I’ve been coming to SIG for about a year now as I’ve been working on myself and it’s a uniquely judgement free zone on the trans-internet. Sending love to all.
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>>39390591 >What is your cross to bear, anon? intolerance to bullshit
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Woke up an hour ago, too late to call the doctor or do anything I’d planned …
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So I'm like a newborn tran, as I'm less than 1 week on HRT and basically just look and sound like a boy.
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>>39396443 Well, I'm pretty much done plucking my eyebrows now, though it doesn't look professional or anything. Even though I don't really look any more feminine, I think it's actually fun to do them. I wish I had learned about this a long time ago.
Anonymous
>>39396443 You should go in and get them waxed first, then use an eyebrow razor to shape/thin them out more to your liking and pluck them to maintain the shape
Just tell them to make it thin with a soft arch and follow ur natural shape
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>>39396684 Okay, thanks. I already did a bunch of plucking, but it was mostly just stray hairs and thin-haired parts, so hopefully that doesn't mess anything up. Thanks for the advice!
Anonymous
Hey so, about a month ago, an online friend in my group recently said that they're using they/them pronouns, and changed their (previously male/masculine) IRL name to 'blaire'. In shrimple terms, what does this mean they identify as now? It's been too long and I feel awkward about asking them. I'm lgbt, but in practice I only really know being gay/bi and being FtM/MtF.
Anonymous
>>39390626 >What you wanna give up on? What led to that? My relationship has no future. He doesn't love me, and the only thing stopping him from leaving me is his own fear of being alone. This made me realize that I was right and I'm just never going to be loved by someone, it's not possible. In that case, I don't see why I need to do anything to better myself anymore. I'll be alone for the rest of my life either way. I might as well just let myself rot.
Anonymous
How do I stop feeling guilt whenever I talk to my trans friends?
Anonymous
>>39396941 I guess they'd be non-binary. But tbhon, I don't really get non-binary people. Are they transitioning?
>>39397445 Just treat them as normal people of their gender. You don't have to get it; it will be enough to show that you care about them and support them. If they ever want to tell you about their experiences so you understand them, they can do that when they feel comfortable.
Anonymous
>>39397556 You know as much as me about them, they didn't elaborate and everyone else is just going with it. I dont know the first thing about being NB neither. Then again I also fundamently believe in a gender binary, but that could be because I've just never spoken to someone NB before and have no idea for what it actually is like.
Anonymous
>>39397556 That's the thing, I do. I treat them same as anyone, and I just trust that they're adults that are capable of making good decisions just as much as I. This is an issue entirely in my own head... I've even had one repeat several times how much they appreciated my company and lending my ear to them, but it just made me feel worse about myself.
Anonymous
>>39397445 Honestly?
Just treat us like normal people?
Like the biggest issue for most trans girls when it comes to interacting with cis girls is that it's hard not to feel jealous when you don't pass and need ffs, meanwhile your friend doesn't require a 50000 dollar DLC to look female.
Just be self aware of that in a joking sort of sense.
Anonymous
>>39397609 i can't tell you how it feels to be a nontrans nonbinary (if that's what they are), or their individual motives, but it's burdensome to me to be treated so differently based on how others perceive me, whether as a transwoman or a guy. i transitioned to be more comfortable in my skin and feel more like myself, that's it, but people will load all of this extra baggage onto it.
i imagine this is something everyone deals with to some degree, and so i'm confused why it is you're all comfortable with it or even see it as natural, just like you're confused by people like me, apparently. i think maybe because you've internalised that role. i saw the boys around me slowly start acting more like 'men', and it was a strange experience, because it didn't happen to me. i sometimes tried to internalise it, but it never felt right. i don't want to do that for being a woman either.
a lot of people think that's stupid, or arrogant, or me just being lazy. i can't really say anything to that.
Anonymous
>>39390169 >Ah, so it will likely be sorted out soon? As of this moment no not really, unfortunately.
Need to have a job so I can help pay for a desk and a decent PC and all the bells and whiles I want/need for it all to work the way it did back home.
I can't wait to have my own place to stay, in a year or two.
Anonymous
>>39390169 >You don't have to do a nitty gritty analysis right off the bat, one thing I would strongly recommend though is monitoring what you would intuitively do for a month without meddling too much, just playing by ear, How would you recommend I do that?
Should I just make notes of that in my journal? Maybe yo over it later with a red pen to set guidelines.
>and then after the fact sit down and take a look at your habits This makes a lot of sense.
Anonymous
>>39377048 being bi is sorta aight sometimes, you just see a cute guy and then a cute girl and you think 'wow so pretty the world is'
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>>39397994 >i saw the boys around me slowly start acting more like 'men', and it was a strange experience, because it didn't happen to me. i sometimes tried to internalise it, but it never felt right. Freaking real, that's exactly how I felt.
Sorry, I know this isn't really on topic, but I've never seen anyone else express this feeling I had.
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>>39397994 >i saw the boys around me slowly start acting more like 'men', and it was a strange experience, because it didn't happen to me. i sometimes tried to internalise it, but it never felt right. i don't want to do that for being a woman either. I'm the anon who said she didn't get non-binary people. That's exactly how I felt about growing up trying to be a boy. Thanks for explaining it in a way so that I can empathize with NB people more.
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>>39397994 I sort of get it, but sort of still don't. When I was growing up, I did see others 'acting like men' and not feeling that way myself too, like you and that other anon, but I dunno - I just accepted that I don't have to play the stereotypical gender role society placed on me, but still be my assigned-at-birth gender.
Gender is weird... On one hand, it is defined by how we see/believe each sex should look and behave; so, it is just societal expectations? But on the other, there's something deeper to it than that, and it's something I've never been quite able to pinpoint.. I look androgynous in public and get confused for a girl often, and behaviorally my friends do tease me for "acting like a teen girl" sometimes. But, I'm still very comfortable with the notion of being a guy like I always have. Could it really only be because I'm not outright capital-F feminine? But then I don't see myself as NB neither.
I guess though, if I can't pinpoint this invisible quality gender has, it's probably unfair to be disappointed that Trans/NB people also can't quite explain it to me. But, I still do wish I understood..
Anonymous
>>39390169 >I do think that is a great idea though, generally puzzling together these things from others in a pick and mix sort of way is the way I did it too Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
I'm learning a lot about resource management and watching my expenses around the living place.
Anonymous
>>39390242 >Hope these pointers are helpful, by the way Don't worry, they absolutely helpful, it's helping me piece together a better routine for myself.
>Yep, we're on the same wavelength on that front, then Yeah, just feels the most intuitive for me really.
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valley !!LZuwWWT02aF
hey /sig/ been about two months since checking in
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Someday, I will be okay .
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>>39404919 You will. What's up on your end? Wishing you all the best either way.
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I wish I could live the life I want.
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>>39390591 >Have faith in yourself, Anon. It sounds like you are trying your darndest. Don't forget to not deny yourself some pride in your efforts, being too strict with oneself fries our reward mechanisms, so taking some pride is good for productivity! I understand but I worry that being proud of myself will stop me from persuing things with the desperation to get things done.
I can't wait until I can persue a more creative/fullfilling career one day, maybe once I've got myself and my family set up cash wise.
Maybe I go for a few courses in the future.
>Do you feel like I'm offering you useful suggestions/insights? Yes, absolutely.
Thank you for your time and assistance!
Any other advice you may believe is relevant to me is appreciated.
Anonymous
as I sit here alone on a beautiful saturday night when everyone else is out having fun with their friends or watching something cuddled up on the couch with their bf/gf, let me dedicate this rum n coke to you fellow lonely hearts, may we all find belonging in this world that wants to keep us lonely and miserable
Anonymous
>>39379772 >feel free to indulge multiposting as I often do Alright, just don't want to take the place of someone who needs help more than me.
>Just with root veggies, eggs, oil/butter and perhaps cheese there is already a ton of stuff you can make... When I eventually get some money I'll try cooking some of the stuff you suggested. Though that'll probably take a bit to happen.
>If they act like this outside of a class setting too I would consider them a lost cause as well Not in the same rude way but they are quiet outside of the classroom, and as far as I'm aware they don't really speak to others when it's break.
>Just to make sure I didn't lose the plot, those were the same people interested in the class and otherwise motivated? Yeah, at least one of them will probably continue onto the BSc.
I will add that I'm off for Easter now. I've added collagen to my list of supplements I take in the morning. I've also been playing on some Minecraft server for the past week with some people from this board, I haven't experience any sort of motion sickness despite doing 3-5 hour sessions which feels really weird because when I tried playing it before. Maybe it's the social aspect that is keeping my mind off things? I'm honestly not really sure, I'll see if this continues onto other games (for when this server eventually dies).
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I'm eating better and I'm using less drugs to get through the week, but I still feel just as depressed. Sometimes I wonder how I would come across if I stopped masking and faking happiness.
Anonymous
>>39409832 I know this is meant to be a positive space and please don't take it personally but ffs you self-diagnosed autists are so annoying with your "masking"
Literally everyone is "masking". Everybody, yes everybody is just pretending to know what they're doing and being normal. Everybody struggles, everybody is hoping no one catches on to how lost they actually are, it's all an act. All the world's a stage and all that
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>>39409865 yeah so why are you guys doing that and expecting others to do the same? it's pointless and exhausting.
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>>39409865 >everybody is hoping no one catches on to how lost they actually are, it's all an act That's wrong, anon. I used to believe this too. But some people are genuinely happy. This much I can say for certain, from the people in my family and my own experience.
You still shouldn't self-diagnose obviously. Hope you can get better. Cheers
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>>39415943 it's not about being happy, it's about "having it all together"
you can be genuinely happy and still feel like it could all fall apart in a moments notice
Anonymous
>>39377048 >be me >28 midshit MtF >few months after orchi >decent clashflow coming in at work from overtime and raise >started voice training >everyone in my social circle treats me as a girl >two potential partners >only boymoding at work and with parents >even mom has come around and calls me my right name >finishing second to last semester of college >got my apartment, have a car, living a decent life >at the point where if I'm girlmoding my pass rate is at a decent 90% >losing weight, been going to gym to tone my ass, hips bottom heavy exercise and cardio is this what its like to be a luckshit?
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>>39416815 Happy for you, Anon.
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Alright, I have taken a lot of time to rest this weekend, no clue if I will catch up today, but I will tomorrow.
>>39390921 I am mostly okay, fortunately. I am ironing out the rest. My circumstances will change drastically within a year. Things will improve then.
>>39391841 It's so nice to have another yume nikki enjoyer in our midst!
>I'm very afraid I won't pass, and I'll get treated worse. >I'm too scared. im not mentally strong enough, but manmoding is so unbearable. I understand, this is INCREDIBLY difficult a call to make. We have had a lot of eastern euro tranners here who often feared physical violence or worse, the world is a scary place. So I don't want to suggest things that would put you in danger. What kind of environment are you in? Any supportive people in your life, people you're out to?
>>39392604 I'm always happy to help in the little ways I can. Of course I'm no dietitian but I am glad I can give some general helpful pointers at least.
>i had a hard time giving up my goal weight. I get that, a lot of people suffer from that. It is not like it is your goal weight for no reason, after all. I would like to hear if you are uncomfy with anything about your current weight. You seem quite happy already overall, which is a massive green flag! We have some control over our self perception, and when it would compromise our well being sometimes it is easier to look for ways to alter our perception instead of our bodies.
>It’s good to remember that aesthetic goals are always secondary to being strong, healthy, and happy. Yes, that is a beautiful outlook, and I am glad you have it.
>Ty ty ty! I’ve been coming to SIG for about a year now as I’ve been working on myself and it’s a uniquely judgement free zone on the trans-internet. Sending love to all. I maintain this gen for all the wonderful people here, you included. You're all worth the effort, thank YOU for that.
Anonymous
>>39391726 >>39392119 >Hi I dont really know how to respond to responses from a different thread What I usually do is open the old thread (one of the reasons I link them in the OPs) collect the reply links and put them in the reply in the next thread. If you need help finding the thread if it is no longer in 4chan's archives, replace
4chan.org with archived.moe, there you will find the thread archived, no matter how old. Welcome back, anon!
>I don’t have kids but we have a woman and her kids living with us and honestly I hate how she treats her kids sometime Oh, sharing a living space sorta arrangement.
>I remember telling myself I should teach them how to bake because they might need to do for them to eat but the thought of it being a double edged sword and the mom leaving them to make their own food worried me. I think it is a kind gesture at the very least, I worry about their ability to emotionally regulate in an environment like this. You know, people who grow up in such a climate often end up fidgety or aggressive for no fault of their own.
>the cycles I have been have stopped and I don’t feel them much anymore That is excellent progress, by the way!
> I feel a bit weird because I have been doing that for so long now I don’t really know what to do. Do you feel like you are perhaps missing hobbies or creative outlets? Having things that stimulate you mentally/physically/emotionally will help.
>>39393246 Could I interest you in venting a little about your issues? I don't want to give unsolicited advice if that is not what you feel you need. But a listening ear, perhaps? People coming here is what keeps the thread alive after all and I would love to give you something back.
>>39394064 Would you like to be?
Anonymous
>>39396067 >Woke up an hour ago, too late to call the doctor or do anything I’d planned … Ah, well shit.
>Last week I taught myself how to do my laundry correctly. One thing I am really really fond of are color catcher sheets that allow me to wash all my stuff together. And it sounds like it was a pretty damn productive week overall in my book! I cooked four times this weekend, meal prepped for tomorrow, did laundry, took out trash, bought groceries, and made the first salad in ages. Honey mustard with lambs lettuce, eggplant, bell pepper, corn, and feta. Basically a fridge cleaner salad. What's your coming week gonna be like?
>>39396443 I can't help much with the eyebrow shaping (guess I'm late for that anyway) but I would strongly advise you to also get advice from confidants if you can help it, in general. This board can brainworm people quite badly and having a reality check from someone more representative of who you would encounter IRL would be a boon.
>>39397441 >He doesn't love me, and the only thing stopping him from leaving me is his own fear of being alone. >I'm just never going to be loved by someone, it's not possible. That is pretty awful, and must be quite crushing, and I understand where those feeling come from given the circumstances. But I would like to dig a little deeper, if you are okay with it. It sounds like neither of you have many friends? How did you get together? Do you feel it always was this way? What made you realize he doesn't? I understand this is painful, but besides me ofc wanting to help I also think you need to let it out. Your words also carry undercurrents that I need more context for to truly wrap my head around. I think you need a listening ear right now.
>>39397654 >>39397445 I think in that case your wish to be better is misguided and lacking foundation. Can you articulate in concrete terms what you feel you are doing wrong? Often, this kind of urge has us chasing ghosts. It is a kind of social anxiety.
Anonymous
>>39398524 Ah, okay now I get it, didn't connect the dots right, thanks for clarifying! It's tricky, since as you said it is a very medium term thing. The question is how to cope in the short term then, I suppose?
>>39398616 >How would you recommend I do that? When you live alone for the first time, assuming the place is already furnished, you will probably spend the first couple weeks buying things that are missing, taking care of paperwork (setting up internet for example), shit like that. But once that is out of the way you will likely first just.. live life until you notice something missing. Chances are you will forget a couple obvious things the first time, for example "time to do the laundry- wait, I have no detergent". That sorta thing, but that is just trial and error. I feel like I am being very vague right now though, or very sweeping. Is there something specific you worry about? In the end, there is nothing you can really majorly mess up in the beginning unless you move into a completely unfurnished place with nothing to your name. That depends on your exact circumstances though.
>Should I just make notes of that in my journal? Maybe yo over it later with a red pen to set guidelines. Yes a good idea!
>This makes a lot of sense. In essence, have confidence that you will do a lot of things right enough the first time just from remembering having seen other people do it, or following intuition, and then course correct or ask around when something leaves you stumped. Don't be afraid to do things wrong or suboptimally.
>>39398686 Would you generally say you struggle with being bi? Bad feels about it perhaps?
>>39402191 >I'm learning a lot about resource management and watching my expenses around the living place. You're doing great then, Anon. I didn't prep much when I first moved out, for example! I lived with a couple former classmates back then though.
>>39402240 I'm glad then!
Anonymous
>>39405157 Could you compare and contrast? So I get a better feeling for what it is you miss?
>>39405904 >I understand but I worry that being proud of myself will stop me from persuing things with the desperation to get things done. Only thing I would like to emphasize about it is that you should make sure not to stress yourself out too much and really let yourself feel good about things, too. Otherwise you WILL burn out or start feeling like your efforts don't matter. Fearing complacency can be a self loathing brainworm.. I get your concern, I really do. Just trust me to err on the side of being a bit too lenient than you feel is justified. Just a tad. Always check how much slack you would cut anybody else as a sanity check.
I'm glad I could be of help.
>Any other advice you may believe is relevant to me is appreciated. Hmm, can't think of anything off the top of my head, but never hesitate to ask!
>>39403711 Welcome back! It sounds like things are looking up overall, sorry to hear about the relationship situation though.
>I'm also a bit scared of having to be alone again for the first time in years. I think you already know my advice on that front, spending time socializing with a variety of people will help you a lot, and resisting the urge to self isolate when things get bad is always a good call.
>to almost never be alone, but still always feeling incredibly lonely We as people often chase ghosts: we yearn for things but don't know how to articulate the terms and limits of the things we wants, they remain vague ideas which are unattainable by their very nature. So we never truly feel accomplished. It is something deeply human and hard to catch or debug. Some things refuse to be made a checklist by nature. Others.. are not actually what we crave, but masking urges. It's complicated, isn't it?
>I decided to make this the year of letting go and I'm glad I stuck with that You are knocking it out if the park I think, yeah!
(1/2)
Anonymous
If only the char limit was like 2.5k...
>>39403711 (2/2)
>I kinda held back on sharing this whole breakup situation until yesterday >(out of shame mostly, yes it's pathetic) it really, really isn't. If you need I will pull that worm, but I think your friend can too.
>and I worry she feels like I'm insincere now. Why would she? Could you expand upon that?
>I hope you're doing good siganon! (and whoever else reads this too ofc, there is always hope) I am doing well overall I feel, thank you! My weekend was quite laid back cause I needed tons of rest but I would say I am doing alright overall.
>>39406901 Cheers, anon. Every saturday afternoon I go out to have a coffee at a cafe I like, no matter the country or city I live in at that time. I hope you find plenty of good company. What's your environment like on that front? Do you feel like you have a pool of people to tap into?
>>39407934 >Alright, just don't want to take the place of someone who needs help more than me. Don't worry, we have practically infinite space, and ever
>When I eventually get some money I'll try cooking some of the stuff you suggested. Though that'll probably take a bit to happen. No rush, I am glad to help with specifics if need be.
>Not in the same rude way but they are quiet outside of the classroom, and as far as I'm aware they don't really speak to others when it's break. A shame. Trying to prod them a little more and seeing if it sticks is def something I would try but we should explore other places to meet peeps then.
>I will add that I'm off for Easter now. Ah, lovely! I'll be visiting my family this Easter as well, might be the last time I get to see my mom.
Glad Minecraft works for you this time around! I do hope you keep finding things you enjoy that don't make you feel unwell, and hope whatever the source of it is to begin with is identified by a doc of course!
Anonymous
Fuck, bedtime..
>>39409832 >I'm eating better and I'm using less drugs to get through the week, but I still feel just as depressed. Well, you are building the foundation to work yourself out of depression, with that you can work on spotting and ironing out sources of misery. Which ones are your big ones you think?
>Sometimes I wonder how I would come across if I stopped masking and faking happiness. You should definitely let people you trust know about your emotional state.
>>39416815 Super happy for you, anon! Sounds like things are slowly coming together for you.
>that filename kek
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Thread doesn't quite need bumped yet, but I woke up, so
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how do i get a part time job
Anonymous
>>39424855 look for job openings and apply to them? what
Anonymous
>>39424879 oh i didn't know sorry i'll just look for a job and then be employed
Anonymous
I'm starting the process of applying for disability status...
>>39388725 >How did that first episode play out for you, if you don’t mind telling? It's ok. It was a complete clusterfuck. I was in uni and I was manic, was awake for days on end and that eventually turned into psychosis. I had delusions, things like thinking at I was a machine and that my interior was made of metal, weird shit like praying to our dog on my knees and stuff like that... My parents eventually called our family doctor after I crashed back home and he had me involuntarily committed. I spent like 2-3 months in a psychiatric hospital, can't remember exactly.
I eventually regained my senses to some degree (was still hearing voices after being discharged) and was released into the care of my psychiatrist, who's still treating me now, 6 years later. I immediately started an education after being released and got my vocational license. I've tried working full-time but it's a real struggle ngl. The mood disorder + social anxiety + anxiety related to job performance tend to push me into episodes. I've had 2 more psychotic episodes since, had to be commited again once and the mood stuff is constant... But I've learned to live with it to some degree.
So that's my life's story, basically hehe
>When you’re experiencing this, is it primarily yourself or the world that feels unreal, or both at the same time? No, I mean like, I basically lose my self-awareness. Like, when I'm /not/ having an episode or a minor one, I know that my moods and thoughts in particular are caused by my schizospicy brain. And then I can hide them effectively, at least when I'm at work.
That's just not a very healthy thing to do and it really fucks with me idk. And when I have a severe episode, I lose that
>assuming it affects your memories how so? My memory is not the issue. But I have cognitive deficits, I'll space out mid-conversation and lose my train of thot and my think. is gen. very disorganized.
comment too longu
Anonymous
>>39420542 >Ah, okay now I get it, didn't connect the dots right, thanks for clarifying! It's tricky, since as you said it is a very medium term thing Yeah, cash and career are the main focus at the moment.
>The question is how to cope in the short term then, I suppose? I draw in some physical books.
This week I'll set up my room so I can do some ugly doodles using my laptop, busted driver software and tablet.
I really need to see if I can find a really cheap desktop and table setup somewhere in town, assuming it's possible.
Maybe I can get an iPad tablet thing that I can draw with too, something more portable.
For now I just COPE.
Anonymous
>>39420542 >You're doing great then, Anon. I didn't prep much when I first moved out, for example! I lived with a couple former classmates back then though Yeah, I really didn't anticipate things going the way it has.
I guess there's no other option than to get more competent.
>I'm glad then! Yeah, thanks for all the help.
I feel a little better about things, I appreciate the realistic advice.
Anonymous
>>39419560 >I would like to hear if you are uncomfy with anything about your current weight I don't like the way the fat on my belly looks/sits at the moment. When I gained a lot of weight it coincided with repressing my identity and suffering emotionally as a result.
I guess I'm lucky that I had something physical to lose when I started transitioning. Now that most of the fat is gone I get a strong indicator that I'm no longer the person I once was, or at the very least I'm XX% less the person I once was.
The last remaining bits of fat have looked this way since I started puberty, getting rid of that would:
A) Prove that I'm more healthy/fit than I've ever been
B) Allow for a new body shape to replace the old one (this one is more flawed I think)
C) Let me evaluate whether I pass better/get treated significantly better while skinnier. I spend a lot of time on vindicta/looksmaxxing r*dd*t.
The other things that bother me are my biceps and forearms. My forearms in particular are pretty beefy for my current size and it'd be nice to have more slender arms. A few years of playing tennis and building up my dominant arm has left a big muscle imbalance as well. My right arm is about where I want to be and I feel my left is too muscular.
Anonymous
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Sorry for not replying properly, I'm just too tired and gotta get some sleep.
Anonymous
>>39424886 This image hurts with how well illustrates what looking for work feels like.
Anonymous
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Turns out that aside from fixing the pain in my ear, eye, and face, these meds also make me… really sick. Headaches. Irritability. Losing my voice again. More splotches. Hives. Staying awake and keeping my food in me has been a struggle.
I’ve read up on it and it looks like the meds increase histamine absorption and generation.
Antihistamines is one of the few meds that have had a positive effect on my splotches. So with this doing the opposite… whatever it is I have must be tied to histamines and internal physical pressure, despite my negative allergy tests.
it also continually reacts to gluten and dust.
Ergh.
>>39420356 Sounds pretty banging for a random salad desu. For me, I have a follow-up appointment tomorrow. whatever happens to my prescriptions will probably dictate what happens to the rest of my week.
>>39390169 Forgot to reply. moth plushes sound adorable. When you get back to them someday you should post a pic !
>>39406901 This is late but I’ll dedicate my next drink to you in return anon. Even if im fresh out of rum
Anonymous
>>39425015 >comment too longu ใใnottu goodu. 300 years of punishment for bad fouru reaf saitu, desu.
(If it ever happens again feel free to split it into multiple replies. I’m cool with that)
>No, I mean like, I basically lose my self-awareness. Ah, like that. Gosh… I’m only familiar with dissociative episodes and having extreme feelings that I know are caused by my adhd first hand, which is why I was asking questions more towards that direction. Having to suppress and hide moods and thoughts like that all the time definitely doesnt sound healthy. Thats a lot of energy being spent, even in situations where you’re supposed to be on “standby”.
>The mood disorder + social anxiety + anxiety related to job performance tend to push me into episodes. All things considered that makes sense. Your internal glass of stressors already sounds plenty full, so … I guess it’s no wonder it overflows rather quickly. Holding down a job with some of the social annoyances you mentioned in the past thread seems like it would be hard enough on its own.
(the environment at your school sounded extraordinarily immature for the level you were at, that aside. I would probably have been annoyed too)
>I'm starting the process of applying for disability status... Fuck. Wishing you the best of luck with the process anon. Hope it ends up being relatively smooth sailing for you.
Anonymous
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Quoted By:
>>39428217 Good night 11 hours later
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>>39420356 >It sounds like neither of you have many friends? We're both neets.
>How did you get together? Online, we planned to meet.
>Do you feel it always was this way? Yes, he was lying to me the entire time we were together.
>What made you realize he doesn't? He said so himself, multiple times.
Anonymous
>>39432467 >I’m only familiar with dissociative episodes and having extreme feelings that I know are caused by my adhd first hand Yeah dissociation sucks. I used to dissociate a lot too, but that's gotten better in recent times, thankfully. Are you still in treatment for ADHD?
>Holding down a job with some of the social annoyances you mentioned in the past thread seems like it would be hard enough on its own. Yeah, well... I can honestly say I tried again and again. If I can get on disability, my troubles are over. And even if I can't – I'm just gonna live with my parents and work odd jobs from now on if I need money. I don't care about what normies think anymore. I reject the world of the normie. I don't want a career. I'm just gonna hikimode as best I can and eat mommies tendies. Simple as. Although I usually cook for my parents, but you get the idea... That seems like a good and comfy life and I don't see why I should make it any harder.
>Wishing you the best of luck with the process anon. Hope it ends up being relatively smooth sailing for you. Thanks shinji. I made an appointment with some NGO(?) in my country that will give me some necessary information and conditions and my psychiatrist will submit the application after that.
>>39434236 Ty anon
Anonymous
I really need to get my shit together
Anonymous
>>39390507 >That sounds a bit spiraly, Anon. yep
it happens
I need
to
understand
that it doesnt matter
Anonymous
>>39390242 >Perhaps generally feeling miserable when you do feel things? i feel constant fakeness in most everything I do. I just try not to think about serious things and im ok
thinking about ym thoughts isnt good to me
miserable yeah
I rarely feel super happy and only when im with people
Anonymous
>>39390242 >will get easier if you let yourself girlmode I DONT KNOW
I DONT WANNA LOOK LIKE A HON IN THE MIRROR
I ALREADY HATE MY BODY HOW UGLY IT LOOKS
capslock fuck
Im out to some friend who tell me stuff to make me feel good but like I have eayes. IM not a girl
I am not
im going to log off this site now
Anonymous
>>39420675 >Only thing I would like to emphasize about it is that you should make sure not to stress yourself out too much and really let yourself feel good about things, too I know you need to chill in order to be healthy but I'm getting up there in age, I don't have much time left to go out and live the 'young person' life.
>Otherwise you WILL burn out or start feeling like your efforts don't matter. Fearing complacency can be a self loathing brainworm.. I get your concern, I really do. Just trust me to err on the side of being a bit too lenient than you feel is justified. Just a tad. Always check how much slack you would cut anybody else as a sanity check I will try to exercise more regulation in my life but it's hard since I can feel my motivation weigning from all my lack of progress here, I'm running out of places to ask work for locally.
Looking online sucks too but at least I can pretend I'm doing something.
>I'm glad I could be of help It's been nice being able to ask someone about this kind of stuff.
Anonymous
>>39420542 >When you live alone for the first time, assuming the place is already furnished, you will probably spend the first couple weeks buying things that are missing, taking care of paperwork (setting up internet for example), shit like that. But once that is out of the way you will likely first just.. live life until you notice something missing Fair enough, that all makes sense.
>Chances are you will forget a couple obvious things the first time, for example "time to do the laundry- wait, I have no detergent". That sorta thing, but that is just trial and error. I feel like I am being very vague right now though, or very sweeping. >Is there something specific you worry about? In the end, there is nothing you can really majorly mess up in the beginning unless you move into a completely unfurnished place with nothing to your name. That depends on your exact circumstances though I guess I mainly worry I will run into a scenario where I miss a payment on my bills.
Like I'll miss a payment on electricity, water or wifi and then I'm screwed.
How can I avoid that.
>Yes a good idea! Yeah, I'll do that the rest time I am journalling again.
Anonymous
>>39377048 What do you guys think:
Do you think I should I give up on finding work in my field and just see if I can get training to work at the local pharmacy?
They did say they were looking for more permanent workers to train.
Anonymous
>>39419625 >Could I interest you in venting a little about your issues? I don't want to give unsolicited advice if that is not what you feel you need. But a listening ear, perhaps? People coming here is what keeps the thread alive after all and I would love to give you something back. I doomspiral a lot, and get bothered by willful stupidity and all sorts of unnecessary bullshit. All in all there's not much to vent, cause there's not much to begin with.
Anonymous
I wish I could cuddle with a plushie as an adult without the justified self disgust.
Anonymous
>>39437530 Vent away, that's why we have these threads.
Anonymous
>>39438638 based (being disgusted by such childish behavior, that is)
Anonymous
>>39438638 >>39438963 whats wrong with having plushies as an adult
t. 27 year old plushy enjoyer
Anonymous
>>39438874 i'm like the opposite of venting right now
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>>39442666 i feel so mentally ill today but hopefully i'll cook something healthy for myself
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>>39442666 worked out and cleaned dishes
Anonymous
I'm so tired of never getting anywhere in lfie.
Anonymous
>>39442666 >woke up >cooked for my parents and myself >showered Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39442666 Not enough, never enough.
Anonymous
>>39439778 I'm not sure what that means, could you be more specific?
Anonymous
>>39439215 Adults are supposed to persue relationships to fill the void or they should just cope with being alone and afriad.
Anonymous
I'm tired, going to sleep now.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
>>39447921 well, if you vent it's normally because of pressure, i've got more of a vacuum situation
Anonymous
Anonymous
Tired days. I had a long nap and I don't know if I will fully catch up tonight but I will make a few posts in the next hour. No matter what I'll take a break for the day at 1am my time for health reasons. Let's roll.
>>39429601 It is a mess for many people at the moment, and there are trends in HR and recruitment that seem to correlate strong with the massive trial and error component of it all. Ultimately it boils down to the hiring process as it is is fundamentally ill-equipped to handle people who don't make it their job to do HR's job for them.
>>39421135 I could write a fair amount of generic advice but I would only reiterate points from online guides if I did, I'm afraid. One very important thing I can tell you is that, from what I have seen work for a lot of people around me, one of the most immediately useful things you can do is lean on and reach out to other people. Especially people who got jobs related to the one you are looking for. Trying to have them look over your CV, cover letter and such. Have people from within the system probe these things. Which, ultimately, ties into what I said above.
>>39426002 Honestly a great idea, yeah. I remember having had one of these ipad tablet thingies at one uni I worked at in the past. Honestly they were pretty great in terms of feedback (though I wrote equations on them) but the charging of the pen really put me off, it was some flimsy proprietary connector and you stuck it into the tablet itself, iirc the pen wasn't flush with the tablet so it always exerted a force on the male part just lying flat on the desk.
>>39426025 You're more than welcome, Anon. If you get stuck at any point, don't hesitate to reach out.
>>39429585 Hey, you don't have to rush things. It's a slow general, you can even take a couple days and come back well rested to finish replies if you wanna. Heck, it's the only how I can even sustain posting for years now.
Anonymous
Whoops...
>>39424855 See the second reply in
>>39450350 , linked my own post by accident.
>>39426127 >I don't like the way the fat on my belly looks/sits at the moment. Ohh, that makes sense. One thing I know is that belly fat, especially if you were underweight or very lean, is the first fat the body accumulates to protect organs. Since you are in a pretty good range right now, assuming it is that effect, the belly fat WILL actually redistribute over time as your body trusts you to maintain weight. It is an extremely common thing for people who suffer from EDs for example, that is why I know it.
>this one is more flawed I think It's tricky, but I think I know what you mean.
>get treated significantly better while skinnier. Oh? Were you mistreated?
>I spend a lot of time on vindicta/looksmaxxing r*dd*t. I hope it is okay for me to say that looksmaxxing stuff can insidiously affect your self perception/perception of what is healthy/good looking in ways that can be self destructive. It's something that we as people aren't designed to notice at all moment to moment. I don't wish to armchair diagnose anything, I hope I don't come off like that.. my point is that having people you trust in meat space look over you and affirm you can massively pivot your own perspective, and will also help you focus on matters of passing that are noticable to other people. Remember, the vast majority of people (me included) have a warped perception of themselves compared to how we perceive others, and we need external feedback to account for that.
(1/2, long reply is long)
Anonymous
>>39426127 (2/2)
>it'd be nice to have more slender arms. >A few years of playing tennis and building up my dominant arm has left a big muscle imbalance as well. Out of curiosity, do you still enjoy the sport but just don't want to be too muscular in the arm department? I mean, time will take care of the imbalance, I am sure. One thing you could try, even if it is not exactly your aim, is to find an easier to work on proxy/scapegoat goal that can distract you from things you are unhappy with. Like, for example, you could train your lower body (thighs and such) to adjust proportions to fem that way.
>>39432042 Fucking side effects. I hope you can beat that information (gently but firmly) into your practitioners.
>it also continually reacts to gluten and dust. ...wait, wouldn't it suggest you have some kinda gluten intolerance? Or something crohn-ish? I might be completely wrong ofc cause this is way waaay outside of my area of expertise.
>Sounds pretty banging for a random salad desu. It was delish, generally my two fav kinds of leafy salad are lamb's lettuce and baby spinach, followed by anything cabbage.
>whatever happens to my prescriptions will probably dictate what happens to the rest of my week. >When you get back to them someday you should post a pic ! My gf frequently sends me pictures, I will try to get a nice pic!
Anonymous
>>39409832 >Sometimes I wonder how I would come across if I stopped masking and faking happiness. I don't even understand how people have will and energy for this kind of shit, i'm already depressed as it is.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
A couple rapidfire posts. I will respond a fair amount out of order but I will need more time for a good couple of longer replies, so I wanna take care of the quick ones first.
>>39445701 You did great, anon!
>>39442832 How did it go?
>>39447929 >>39438963 >>39438638 You can have both healthy relationships and plushies, anons. It is important we don't let one get in the way of the other. But our limbic system will never grow up, but we have to satisfy it and take care of it as we would a child, and that is okay. Self soothing does not mean yielding to 24/7 escapism. Some escapism is healthy and necessary.
Anonymous
>>39442666 I can't emphasize enough how thankful I am for posts like this.
>>39446842 Anon, do you know why I shill S.M.A.R.T. criteria so hard?
>>39444423 Awesome!
>>39448185 Rest well, anon.
>>39437348 What is the current career you are aiming for?
Anonymous
>>39435612 Sometimes, when I spiral, I reach out to people and let myself be comforted. Sometimes, no rational argument could possibly work. Sometimes there is nothing to discuss. Sometimes all we really need to hear is that things will be okay.
>>39435401 >I really need to get my shit together What does it entail for you?
>>39435618 Sounds like you are dissociating hard, which is normal in traumatic or very emotionally taxing circumstances. Most people immediately discard the idea of anything they are going through being traumatic. But even stuff like repping is basically microdosing trauma and looking up common symptoms of it and just talking to reppers on this board you can see it's just checking all the boxes. I can already tell you though that you lack emotional outlets and that that makes you numb. I can promise you that it is fixable and that this numbness is fully reversible.
>miserable yeah What would you say are your sources of misery? What are your life circumstances?
Like how supportive is your env, how often do you get to meet people, are you out to them, etc.
>>39435626 >I DONT KNOW >I DONT WANNA LOOK LIKE A HON IN THE MIRROR >I ALREADY HATE MY BODY HOW UGLY IT LOOKS The issue is.. sadly, that to some extent these feelings won't go away even if you 100% passed without facing the discomfort of that. You kind of have to train yourself to accept the changes and see yourself as a girl. You know BDD posting is so rampant because human self perception is whack and sometimes needs to be trained like a dog. Your eyes can and will deceive you. You will essentially have to face that discomfort in an exposure therapy way, ideally with a friend to soothe you.
Anonymous
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1AM. I have a few posts I haven't yet replied to, I didn't forget you, I need need more time to cook up a response and am a little too tired to keep going tonight. Thank you all so much for your patience.. tomorrow I'll get back to you three 39435719, 39437028 39437530. No link so you don't get pinged for a non-response.
>>39434540 >We're both neets. I see, do you happen to rarely leave the house and generally be socially isolated? That can lead to codependency which in turn usually can poison relationships long term, and of course can lead to people trying to cling by any means they see fit... which is apparently what happened. I understand you see little reason to go on, but I would like to know more about your general circumstance and what led to you neeting. The thing is, very often, we can make things meaningful, but doing so all on hour own is goddamn hard, and we all have things that come more or less naturally for us to derive meaning from. I'll have to learn more about your ideals and interests to nudge you in the right direction, but generally, the fact that you are here is an act of you reaching out, and I want to help you survive long enough that you find a trajectory you will consider worth it.
Anonymous
>>39389800 Thank you for the thoughtful response. Not sure there's really anything else to say. Sort of struggling again. I just don't want to live. I don't like living. I can't be happy. I don't know if I've ever been happy my whole life. There's truly nothing for me to live for. I wish I never lived in the first place.
Anonymous
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>>39450350 >You're more than welcome, Anon. If you get stuck at any point, don't hesitate to reach out Thank you, I will be sure to reach out with more questions when I have them later.
Anonymous
>bmi of 29
Anonymous
valley !!LZuwWWT02aF
>>39420675 >>39421070 >socialize yes I plan on attending a few events and seeing if I can make friends. Worst case I'll jump on bumble for friends and find some local fellow lonely girls.
>loneliness it is a weird thing indeed but I'm sure being alone for a while will help me realize what I'm actually looking for
>insincere idk I was worried it'd seem that I'm holding back important info about myself and our conversations have slowed down a bit since then so maybe I was right
Also, can I just get your input as a cis guy on what your thoughts are on when to disclose I'm trans on dates? Like ignoring the sympathy you have no doubt built for us over the years running this general.
I've seen incredibly many people being really vile about us trans women online and simultaneously complaining we make being trans our whole personality but also if we don't immediately scream in their face that we are trans before they are accidentally attracted to us we're practically raping them by deceit. idk it's really bumming me out seeing all this hatred for us, guess I'll stick to women and guys I know for a fact are bi (they seem chill)
Anonymous
>>39453250 is that a URL of some kind?
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>>39455231 looks like "page 10" + their captcha
Anonymous
>>39377048 I have an online job interview tomorrow, really not sure it's gonna go.
Nothing good lasts that long for me.
Wish me luck, I NEED to get a good job as soon as possible :/
Anonymous
>>39450350 >I could write a fair amount of generic advice but I would only reiterate points from online guides if I did, I'm afraid I understand.
>One very important thing I can tell you is that, from what I have seen work for a lot of people around me, one of the most immediately useful things you can do is lean on and reach out to other people I will try to, I try to talk to people as often as my brain lets me.
>Especially people who got jobs related to the one you are looking for. Trying to have them look over your CV, cover letter and such. Have people from within the system probe these things. Which, ultimately, ties into what I said above Ok have been trying to network and make use of my father's network.
Not too much luck but I'm trying.
Anonymous
>>39450350 >Honestly a great idea, yeah. I remember having had one of these ipad tablet thingies at one uni I worked at in the past Oh cool, that sounds really handy.
>Honestly they were pretty great in terms of feedback (though I wrote equations on them) but the charging of the pen really put me off, it was some flimsy proprietary connector and you stuck it into the tablet itself, iirc the pen wasn't flush with the tablet so it always exerted a force on the male part just lying flat on the desk Oh okay, I see.
I will keep that in mind, I'll have to see what brands are available for me here.
Anonymous
>>39450350 >Honestly a great idea, yeah. I remember having had one of these ipad tablet thingies at one uni I worked at in the past Oh cool, that sounds really handy.
Honestly they were pretty great in terms of feedback (though I wrote equations on them) but the charging of the pen really put me off, it was some flimsy proprietary connector and you stuck it into the tablet itself, iirc the pen wasn't flush with the tablet so it always exerted a force on the male part just lying flat on the desk
Okay I see, I'll keep that in mind.
I will have to see what available for me where I am situated.
Anonymous
>>39450824 >What is the current career you are aiming for? Anything white collar I am eligible for, at this moment I am looking at admin, IT or data entry work.
So basically something in IT or Tech, then I wanna start drawing as a hobby again so I can use it as a side hustle that I actually enjoy doing later in life.
>>39450900 >What does it entail for you? Being financially (and I guess emotionally) independent.
Anonymous
>>39450350 >Ultimately it boils down to the hiring process as it is is fundamentally ill-equipped to handle people who don't make it their job to do HR's job for them Is it possible to compensate for that somehow on my end?
How do I make it easier to get noticed and considered?
Anonymous
I'm tired and still a little bit nervous about the future but mostly ok.
Anonymous
>>39456289 Getting masters atm, what i dread the most about future is the possibility of being forced to work a shitty 9/5 every day full of normies. I'd rather neet and poormax tbqh.
Anonymous
>Oh? Were you mistreated? >my point is that having people you trust in meat space look over you and affirm you can massively pivot your own perspective >Like, for example, you could train your lower body (thighs and such) to adjust proportions to fem that way >It is an extremely common thing for people who suffer from EDs for example, that is why I know it
Anonymous
>>39450650 Oops! Missed linking the reply on my prev post.
Anonymous
>>39450900 I’m sorry
I’ll do my best
I promise that to you
I’ll try my best
Anonymous
Fuck it, we ball. I think this time around I will prep a good amount of posts before posting, so.. prepare for a barrage.
>t. 20:06 CEST >>39435719 > don't have much time left to go out and live the 'young person' life. I understand, even if you really need to remind yourself that the reason people see 30 as some kind of grim cutoff is for no other reason than that we use base 10. If we did base 12 I would not be surprised if it would still be "30" (=36 base 10).
>from all my lack of progress here, Ahh, I get it. Yes, you definitely need a feeling of progress, generally. Of course. I wish job hunting wasn't such a shitshow globally. I really do. It sucks working on things we can't fully control the progress of. That is why it often helps to have a smaller thing we can fully control, that is less important but still matters to us. You know, to cope.
>>39445555 What do you wish to achieve, Anon?
>>39437530 >I doomspiral a lot It sounds like people in your life are a core problem in your life. People you live with? It can't be just everyone, it would be great if you could paint a picture of your social surroundings, and perhaps circumstance that prevents you from getting away from people who exhaust you.
>>39451481 >Sort of struggling again. I just don't want to live. I don't like living. These feelings can pass, can be overcome. It is goddamn hard. Don't mistake your struggling with failing. You CAN be happy, but yes, it is very likely that the things needed to do to get there won't pay off quickly. Take a breather. I don't wanna pressure you. But.. I urge you, not to let go. Have you gone out with the people you've recently hung out with again? It sounds like you had a good time even if you didn't get everything out that you wanted first time. Still it was a victory. Can you do it again soon? You did amazing. You are on the right track there. It is okay to need some help to find the will to push on. I hope my words help a little.
Anonymous
>>39455090 >>I hate being fat and I keep getting fatter because I keep drinking but if I stop drinking I compensate by eating even more Let's start with what drives you to drink/eat then. Drinking will only delay emotional processing after all. It only comes back stronger as you sober up.
We will have to investigate root causes and then see how to work around matters.
>>39437028 >Like I'll miss a payment on electricity, water or wifi and then I'm screwed. >How can I avoid that. Oh, budgeting! One approach I am fond of is envelope budgeting. I will explain it based on cash but you can use multiple checking accounts etc to the same effect.
1) Set up your spending categories, for example "Bills" (rent, electricity, phone,..), "Savings", "Leisure", "Living costs" (food, travel, ...). My setup is usually ultra coarse for example. I basically only have savings, bills, rest. Estimate how much you need. Bills should be the most predictable.
2) Withdraw your paycheck the moment it arrives and distribute the money across the envelopes based on your estimates. This way, the money you need for X purpose is already "gone"; and withdrawing from an envelope is a conscious decision. My wallet serves as my envelope for transport and food costs, mostly.
3) That's basically the part that matters. You can do bookkeeping to trace where the majority of your money goes, ledgering.
Another principle of this sort is "paying yourself first"; both essentially take uncertainty out of the equation by allocating your money to a particular purpose the moment you can because you quit fussing about where what money goes.
>>39455601 All the best, Anon! Feel free to share how it went.
>>39455941 >>39455967 I hope you find something nice that fits your needs, anon!
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>>39455175 >yes I plan on attending a few events and seeing if I can make friends. Worst case I'll jump on bumble for friends and find some local fellow lonely girls. Okay, do keep me posted!
>>loneliness >it is a weird thing indeed but I'm sure being alone for a while will help me realize what I'm actually looking for In general I am very reluctant on this front because yes, taking breaks is important. You need time for yourself. I am just incredibly careful because you need to make sure not to self isolate.
>idk I was worried it'd seem that I'm holding back important info about myself and our conversations have slowed down a bit Well, do you feel like you do? What important info could the other person be lacking? Do you sometimes try to talk about your emotional state, maybe tied to your day to day?
"Today I did X, made me feel Y" sort of things. Giving people an insight into your internal monologue and reasoning.
>Also, can I just get your input as a cis guy on what your thoughts are on when to disclose I'm trans on dates? Generally, I think your transness is intimate personal info, so it's not something people are entitled to generally, but of course, if someone wanted to get intimate with me I think it would be good to be upfront. I find the way many people react unacceptable, especially people that outright chimp out. In my opinion it is not the first thing I would care about hearing, and even though everyone has probably their own preconceived notion of when "the right time to tell" would be, I don't think you should be obligated to tell everyone on the first date or something like that. I don't know, I think the most important thing on the subject is: you can't please people who actively choose to be offended no matter what you do. Fuck 'em.
>I'll stick to women and guys I know for a fact are bi (they seem chill) Being bi myself I guess I won't beat the chillness allegations, so to say.
Anonymous
>>39455914 >I will try to, I try to talk to people as often as my brain lets me. >Ok have been trying to network and make use of my father's network. Ah, social anxiety, right? It's difficult. For what it's worth, I can tell you are trying. And I hope it helps to hear that the fact that you struggle does not mean you aren't trying hard enough, but the fact that you continue in spite of the struggle is the very definition of you trying hard. Take pride in it.
>>39457291 Oh, what field?
>>39455990 >Anything white collar I am eligible for, at this moment I am looking at admin, IT or data entry work. Oh, very fair! In that case, pharmacist would definitely be something to at least give a shot, right? Depending on the country it can be a kinda cool job even, at times. Though I think these days most meds come fully pre packaged so very little lab work remaining I suppose. Casting a wide net does sound like the way to go, especially if you don't care too much about the particularities. They pay I don't know, of course. But your plan sounds reasonable.
>Being financially (and I guess emotionally) independent. Ah, I get it. You are definitely working on it. What ties into the emotional part?
>>39456289 Rest well, anon.
>>39458660 I know you are. I have faith in you. Don't be afraid to ask for support or advice. I am very, very proud of you.
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>>39458450 >>39458416 >I hate that I see certain markers of low bodyweight as ways to distinguish me from other trans women. Oh, I think I get it then, you in a way associate being skinny with the way you were treated.
>This really is the key. >I don't feel comfortable mentioning them in meatspace at all. Exactly, sadly sometimes discomfort is a compass for progress that points in the wrong direction. That is to say, to avoid you slipping into serious ED territory you will have to actively seek out the discomfort of talking to people with a mindset you wish to cultivate. This ties into the point I make later. Our subconscious is more easily trained like an animal than engaged with on an argument based level like a person.
>I fell in love with leg-curls and hip thrusts. In that case, try tricking yourself with that. When you find thoughts you wish to reign in (even if it feels like you don't want to) crop up, try to habituate reacting with things you enjoy doing like that. "Oh I should do X instead", "No thank you, this gets in the way of doing Y".
>Have you gone through ED recovery? What did you learn from the process? I didn't but I read up a fair bit about it, and know people struggling/having struggled with ED. One of the key things is that the human mind bends to exhaustion not arguments. The more you expose yourself to things that would make you content with your current body type the more your subconscious will yield, conversely lookmaxxy places will condition you in the opposite direction. One key thing about ED recovery is also, the more time you spend being normal weight the easier it gets. Especially with external feedback. Having close friends and perhaps a partner keep an eye on you also helps a ton. And learning to associate your weight with good things, making memories.
Anonymous
>>39450772 It is good you don't do it. What are your circumstances?
>>39456043 >Is it possible to compensate for that somehow on my end? >How do I make it easier to get noticed and considered? There are several things, yes. Generally, one thing that helps is adapting your CV and all other documents to the place you are applying for, perhaps finding out the name of the person who's desk it lands on, making it easy to get the gist since these people want to spend as little time as possible reading your application.
The other thing is the advice I've given earlier, since it depends on the kinda job, insider info is worth a lot. Talking to people with similar enough jobs helps, getting advice from people who recently were employed basically.
Anonymous
I studied a meme degree albeit with high grades and one of my degrees was from a prestigious university.
Anonymous
>>39419625 Yea me too they do display some signs of it already and just like man I just wish that mom just got a hold of herself already for hersef and her kids, but they seem more open than usual which is good because they seemed a bit closed off. Yea I have noticed it now more clearly and that addiction was so fucking strong now I am astonished of how bad it was like I have known it was bad but it was pretty much ruining my life for how long it took and at times I did just not like doing it. I cut back most if not all and just minimized a lot I got rid of all the porn that I was watching and just kept a small chunk of that I really liked so it is much faster and go on with my day. It is weird though how I was justifying it like maybe if I watch it I know what type of guy I like or maybe if I watch it I can like different types of races, but like that isn’t right at all when all I wanted was to find partner. However, I think I have been chasing for love and porn sort of have warped it into something I don’t even recognize and it is saddening to think about how I eventually forgot what love really is. I am getting more better at times I feel like it gets me but it is much more faster now and I know it is going to take a while, but I feel like it is going to get better and all I need is an outlet or something to distract my time with rather than this. I just have to do it step by step
Anonymous
>get home from 9-5 >swipe on tinder until I'm out of likes >never gotten a match ever >maybe talk to new people on vrchat
Anonymous
>>39458835 >Oh, what field? I'm in engineering, a mix of several types (not going into too much detail). It doesn't really matter, it's not necessarily boring and there are options etc. I'm just done with the whole normie socialising thing and being fundamentally different from everyone else. No desire for any kind of career business whatsoever, or much anything for that matter. The prospect looks like absolute hell and i have zero energy left and i'm out of fucks to give. All i want is a long fucking rest from the life-sentence of shit-shovelling received at birth.
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>>39459630 what are you? are you ugly?
Anonymous
>>39377048 The job interview went okay, they want a follow up one in the future.
Gotta send in more Resumes for more applications soon.
But first, I gotta nap a little.
God I'm always tired and sore.
>Pic unrelated Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39464353 the fact that no matter how well we pass we will always and irrevocably be seen as less than human by most people
Anonymous
I arranged an Irish folk song for harp for my mom. She showed it to her teacher and he said that it wasn't well suited for harp, but that it's a good piano arrangement and that the harmony is good. I'm counting that as a win.
Anonymous
>>39462380 Job interview happened, got another one lined up sometime in the future.
So far they seem willing to consider me for two roles, so that's something.
Jesus, looking for work sucks, I gotta get out of here some day.
I gotta get my own place and be financially independent for GOOD.
I need to live alone, this blows.
Anonymous
i miss getting high, i haven't smoked in over a month now, but i feel so anxious without it, It would atleast chill me out for my customer service job but i'm not a people person and graaahhhh, everything is so dull without getting high, and I know it's supposed to get to where i can enjoy things without getting high but all i do most days is just lay in bed and sleep after work
Anonymous
>>39464786 Assuming you have a place to live and food, why do you want to be part of the corporate slopmachine. I simply can't relate, I'd much rather be a human being
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>>39464798 It's good to cut it out for a while, anon. The anxiety will get better with time.
t. smoked weed again for the first time yesterday after 2 years of abstinence
Anonymous
>>39464801 a human being is self-sufficient
if you live with your parents you're little more than a pet
Anonymous
>>39458807 >and perhaps circumstance that prevents you from getting away from people who exhaust you i'm kind of doing it to the max already lol.. even stopped reading any news/politics related stuff a while ago.. i just need to invent a good way to get the stupid money
Anonymous
>>39459084 >It is good you don't do it. What are your circumstances? Just choosing solitude over fakery.
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>>39464883 self-sufficiency is a myth, especially when talking about employment lol
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>>39464801 I just wanna live with my parents permanently.
I wanna help and take care of my family but I really need my own space too, so I'll have to get a really good job to do that.
Anonymous
>>39458807 >I understand, even if you really need to remind yourself that the reason people see 30 as some kind of grim cutoff is for no other reason than that we use base 10 I just know I don't how I can carry on like this anymore.
I really don't wanna be stuck slumming around without any real place in the world, physical or purpose wise.
>If we did base 12 I would not be surprised if it would still be "30" (=36 base 10) I guess I see your point.
Anonymous
>>39458814 >All the best, Anon! Feel free to share how it went It went okay surprisingly.
>I hope you find something nice that fits your needs, anon! Thank you, I appreciate it very much.
I hope I can back to drawing properly again in the future.
I really miss it.
Anonymous
>>39464883 as someone who's been through this i'd say it mostly just feels like replacing one flavor of shit in your slop bowl with another
Anonymous
>>39377048 >support edition >talk to a friend or a loved one now i feel very sad
Anonymous
>>39466028 I mainly worry I won't be able to take care of myself and my family when my parents aren't able to work anymore.
I dislike the pace of society as much as anyone but I just wanna keep my head above the water.
Anonymous
>>39458835 >Ah, social anxiety, right? It's difficult. For what it's worth, I can tell you are trying Thank you.
>And I hope it helps to hear that the fact that you struggle does not mean you aren't trying hard enough, but the fact that you continue in spite of the struggle is the very definition of you trying hard. Take pride in it I just wish I tried harder in the past, maybe things could have been better for me and my family if I just did...more?
Anonymous
>>39458835 >Oh, very fair! In that case, pharmacist would definitely be something to at least give a shot, right? Depending on the country it can be a kinda cool job even, at times. Though I think these days most meds come fully pre packaged so very little lab work remaining I suppose Yeah, I'm not too clear myself on what kind of work I would be involved in.
A>Casting a wide net does sound like the way to go, especially if you don't care too much about the particularities. They pay I don't know, of course. But your plan sounds reasonable
Yeah, I really need to start earning money so I can start saving and building towards better goals for the future.
Anonymous
>>39466362 (Sorry, I messed up the formatting)
>Oh, very fair! In that case, pharmacist would definitely be something to at least give a shot, right? Depending on the country it can be a kinda cool job even, at times. Though I think these days most meds come fully pre packaged so very little lab work remaining I suppose Yeah, I'm not too clear myself on what kind of work I would be involved in.
>Casting a wide net does sound like the way to go, especially if you don't care too much about the particularities. They pay I don't know, of course. But your plan sounds reasonable Yeah, I really need to start earning money so I can start saving and building towards better goals for the future.
Anonymous
>>39466302 having a family def changes things, myself i'm not even considering this
Anonymous
>>39466505 What I mean by family is my siblings, relatives and my parents, I also can't really consider starting a family at this stage.
I don't even think I'll be ready for a partner at any stage.
Anonymous
Back home again. Visited my parents’ after my appointment. I feel weird about it. The same feeling as when I was in my dead grandparents’ homes. Theres a feeling of finality to it.
Like the ground is haunted or cursed and there is nothing you can do about it.
I’m gonna make more bread.
>>39434828 >Are you still in treatment for ADHD? Hm, well:
Once you’re done with the preliminary tests and have found your medication of choice and a dosage you’re happy with, they sort of just mark your patient case entry as “completed” and let you be on your merry way, off into the world, with a single yearly physical check up done by a nurse unrelated to their clinic.
It’s kind of weird desu. You dont get any talk therapy or educative course teaching you how to handle it, you dont even get a pamphlet or a pdf.
Taking the black market desirability of the drugs we get and our over representation in violent crime statistics into account it feels irresponsible.
In contrast I received a free 2 year program of monthly and weekly sessions, group therapy, and education back when they they were testing me for disorders on the schizophrenic spectrum, so on the bright side I know a decent amount about that now lmao
>Some NGO Ah nice, really glad to hear that was an option. I’ve used some for helping me write applications in the past. Massive help having someone who knows the legal side of things
>That seems like a good comfy life and I dont see why I should make it harder Honestly, yeah, if they’re cool with that arrangement and you’re cool with it too, there’s really nothing wrong about it, despite societal push for hyperindependence. hope you end up getting approved however. The power that comes with a low level of income is better than none
Anonymous
Struggling to go to sleep again but I'm gonna force myself to do that, so I can get back to normal.
Anonymous
>>39450657 Luckily it’s my favourite specialist, who’s a cool guy who listens. Incredibly skilled and up to date on niche knowledge, but obviously limited by the restrictions of being a specialist.
>gluten, crohns You’d think so, but all tests for wheat allergy, celiac, crohns, and colitis have come back negative.
Having said that… it’s much like with other things I’ve been though: people with those diseases telling me I havent been tested properly. Didnt get a biopsy during my endoscopy or gastroscopy, the celiac test I got is apparently unreliable according to celiac patients, etc.
>>39456289 Hope you slept well bun-anon. I’m a little nervous too
>>39459107 I dont think you sound like a little bitch for saying that desu, if anything I think it’s more common for people studying abroad than people think (including finding a relationship that eventually ends).
Getting into European companies as a person outside the EU is notoriously hard from what I’ve heard, even if you’re well qualified. The paperwork is fairly annoying afaik, so if they can get someone local their incentive for importing a worker from abroad is quite low.
I dont know if it is possible for you, specifically, but I know that for some people their way in is by applying for a shorter visa without a job then moving short term, finding a job they dont want in the long run, like teaching their native language or working at restaurants, and then getting a longer visa and work permit through that so they can continue job hunting. Some countries are more open for this than others though, so you may have to temporarily settle for trying in another one, if the one you dream of is particularly hard to get into.
>>39466051 :( man. Not OP but sorry to hear that anon.
Anonymous
Anonymous
I guess I can't work out or masturbate anymore because my laptop decided to brick itself when I plugged it in
Anonymous
>>39467850 it's okay it's a good edition i just had to express how it stung thinking about my isolation. i may try to call my mom again today and see if she picks up.
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>>39468529 I hope she does anon. How badly are you isolated?
Anonymous
>>39466608 i fail to see how most of these people can be considered your responsibility, even with parents there should be something of noteworthy value in your life to feel like owing anything to them
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>>39469096 I was the only sibling able to go to college back home and my parents have compromised health.
Me not having a job stings the most because for the past decade or so I just been applying myself to my academics.
Now I have to secure employment while looking for ways to make extra cash to help out my family.
Also, my home country sucks ass and is hurting eating itself alive, so there's a short but vague time limit.
I just want us to survive and safe up cash for next 2 to 5 years.
Anonymous
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>Can't be a woman without mentally spiralling every couple of days >Can't masculinise myself without being overcome with immense self hatred and discomfort and spiralling as well >Don't want to enbycope because it feels disingenious and the same as womanmoding >Don't want to go to an lgbt group, I dont get along with mainstream gays and trannies because i find them annoying >Don't want to go to therapy because ill just get told things i already know while wasting money ("go outside and meet people" "youre valid dood")
Anonymous
>>39459084 >There are several things, yes. Generally, one thing that helps is adapting your CV and all other documents to the place you are applying for, perhaps finding out the name of the person who's desk it lands on, making it easy to get the gist since these people want to spend as little time as possible reading your application I follow.
I've done this for the cover letters for some applications.
Maybe I should talor some resume copies based on what kinda of field I'd be applying to?
Maybe I should cut down on some details?
>The other thing is the advice I've given earlier, since it depends on the kinda job, insider info is worth a lot True, I'm not sure if I need to just research more of this stuff or if I need even more training somehow.
>Talking to people with similar enough jobs helps, getting advice from people who recently were employed basically Yeah, I need to learn how to network better I guess.
How do I meet industry colleagues?
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>>39476057 I'm sorry, anon.
Anonymous
Anonymous
>>39458814 >Oh, budgeting! One approach I am fond of is envelope budgeting. I will explain it based on cash but you can use multiple checking accounts etc to the same effect Awesome, that would be very nice.
>1) Set up your spending categories, for example "Bills" (rent, electricity, phone,..), "Savings", "Leisure", "Living costs" (food, travel, ...). My setup is usually ultra coarse for example. I basically only have savings, bills, rest. Estimate how much you need. Bills should be the most predictable That's actually very understandable.
>2) Withdraw your paycheck the moment it arrives and distribute the money across the envelopes based on your estimates. This way, the money you need for X purpose is already "gone"; and withdrawing from an envelope is a conscious decision. My wallet serves as my envelope for transport and food costs, mostly Okay, that seems like a good method.
>3) That's basically the part that matters. You can do bookkeeping to trace where the majority of your money goes, ledgering Cool, makes sense so far.
>Another principle of this sort is "paying yourself first"; both essentially take uncertainty out of the equation by allocating your money to a particular purpose the moment you can because you quit fussing about where what money goes Thank you for the advice, I already feel a lot better about things know.
I will put this into practice as soon as I can.
Anonymous
>>39377048 Is being touch starved just another way of saying you can't get laid?
Because both of those cases are very true for me.
Anonymous
Anonymous
it's sucks being depressed makes you not care about trying to feel better.
Anonymous
>>39478743 I know the feeling, all too well.
I hate myself also, which adds to it.
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>>39377048 people are only willing to support you if they think they will see results that will benefit them
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>>39481465 Why do you think that?
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I'm gonna take a nap, I need to rest upt to deal with the rest of the fucking day.
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>>39484953 nighty night night
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>>39482053 I have an easy time dealing with everything because I am POWERFUL
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>>39485451 Teach me your ways, powerful anon
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>>39478986 i don't hate myself, but i hate the world, and i'm not quite sure it isn't the same thing
Anonymous
the thing that's pushing me along in life is thinking about making money and becoming a trans rep in my local scene in a dubious way. its like my way of saying fuck you to the world while i get the money for my surgeries and training for a career in my 40s-50s but i do genuinely wanna help trans ppl in my city in ways i can. i love my saviour complex friend of the people larp u should become more delusional like me it gives you purpose
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>>39486110 I hate myself and the world.
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>>39486207 in my case i think it comes from having standards, i'm not as mad with myself anymore as i've started realising the ridiculousness of everything outside
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>>39486221 I have a general sense of self loathing coupled together with the way the world is carrying on right now.
I'm not that great of a person but I feel like I'm getting bullied for even trying my current circumstances.
Probably not a feeling unique to me.
Anonymous
>>39486274 you get bullied for being a good person too, which is my point also
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>>39486743 I'm not even a particular good or morally just person I believe.
I'm more or less just trying to get some semblance of a career and a life underway but it's like mopping the deck of a sinking ship.
It feels like all my progress is just failing.
I'll keep carrying on but something has to change soon if I wanna have any hope of getting by economically at least.
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>>39486807 yeah, i'm not even considering that shit, just trying to invent some ways of making money from home
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>>39486922 > just trying to invent some ways of making money from home God me too.
Have you managed to figure something out yet?
I've been looking for some data entry or virtual assistant work that I can use to get some cash together but is slow going.
Anonymous
>>39487045 not really, i'm still at uni. might try doing cad work for some time, since i'm already sort of familiar with it
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>>39487141 Yeah makes sense, I'm honestly considering getting a liqueur so I can work at my local bar.
Just in case in need quick cash at some point.
Anonymous
how do I stop being extremely depressed?
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Alright let's get this party started. Pacing myself today, making a few posts, then taking a break. Will catch up fully sometime tonight I think
>>39459107 >After I graduated, my visa expired, so I had to return to my country. Ah shit, that sucks.. it's tricky when you don't get a foot in the door while being in the country still. Shinjinon is right on the money, so I have little to add in practical terms.
There are also a couple approaches depending on where you are from. For example, some of the southern Euro countries seem to have programs for people who have Euro ancestors a couple generations down the line even. That seems to be particularly relevant to LatAm peeps though.
>I don't wanna sound like a little bitch You don't, at all! Your parents are right though. You have reason to be proud. 27 is still young, you can and WILL make it. But I understand that things look grim right now. And it's shitty. But unfortunately even at the best of times this kinda stuff is trial and error.
Do you have friends in Europe still? Does your are you on agreeable terms with your ex? One of the things that help are having people in the country try and help.
>I tried many other things, but all failed. I assure you it is not that you aren't trying hard enough. I know the feeling of hopelessness from trying and trying and still being constantly rejected in spite of qualifications. I do a lot of things I don't have much hope for because I know I would self sabotage otherwise. God it is hard though. You have my sympathy.
>>39459454 You are doing great, anon. I hope you know. And I hope you get to meet and spend time with people too, it would do you a lot of good on the finding love front.
>>39459630 Do you have IRL acquaintances to reconnect with, or places where you could meet people with shared interests? Hell, maybe meet up with people you know online?
Also, you are barely out of your teens. You have so much time to make things right. You can and will.
Anonymous
>>39459989 >I'm in engineering, a mix of several types (not going into too much detail). Ah alright, so chances are you likely will find a workplace with like minded people. Do you hang with peers you study with? Do you feel they are too normieish? Or are there people you enjoy being around? Or do you find all socializing to be stressful and you are more compelled to retreat whenever you can?
>>39462380 Glad to hear it went well!
>God I'm always tired and sore. lotsa sports or something else?
>>39464786 Sounds great! And yes, job hunting is hell. You are doing great, Anon!
>>39464457 I think a lot of people don't actually care. I also found it is much easier to foster apathy in the general public than acceptance. But in the end, I think most of us could very well live without a great deal of the general public too. It doesn't need to define our worth or theirs, but we do need something to cope in the face of it all, right?
>>39464482 That's so fucking cool Anon! Holy shit, it really is! I like the sound of Irish folk stuff, I think I was kind of primed for it in my childhood by a TV show with some of it. Do you do such things on the reg?
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>>39464798 >all i do most days is just lay in bed and sleep after work Yes the hard part is filling the void against your will. It will have to start as "homework", and involve you forcing yourself. It will become fun over time, as you progress. I promise. What passions did you use to have? What comes easily?
>>39465023 Any other bits of circumstance that make you miserable, perhaps? Do any particular stressors come to mind?
>>39465035 Self isolation is about as deadly as smoking, Anon. Do you feel like an Alien, that there is nobody to connect with/worth the bother?
>>39465919 I hope it's clear I am rooting for you, Anon. I am just trying to slightly ease up the pressure you feel, not to slow you down, but the opposite, to ensure you can power through this at max efficiency.
>I guess I see your point. I hope there is some solace in that pov.
>>39465985 I'm glad to hear it went well, will you hear back soon you think? And yeah.. missing old outlets is a special kinda yearning.
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>>39466316 I heard a kinda peculiar point of view the other day. It was a comic I only vaguely recall but the gist was someone ruminated over the years they wasted being paralyzed and someone else chimed in: "Imagine you hadn't broken your paralysis at 30, but at 60, and you were sent 30 years back in time to make things right."
It is an interesting perspective, in a way. I've found myself thinking about it a fair amount at least.
>>39466362 >>39466371 Don't sweat it, but I appreciate your effort!
>Yeah, I'm not too clear myself on what kind of work I would be involved in. Depending on how busy the specific pharmacy is, they might even appreciate you just visiting and showing genuine interest? Unless they are swamped with work I think they would appreciate someone showing up with genuine interest and initiative. I know I at least would consider that a green flag. It sounds like you are already doing great overall, with clear plans and a good head on your shoulders. I hope a bit of affirmation helps, even if I can't do super much besides.
>>39467532 Welcome home, frien. I'll visit my family for Easter mid next week. A sense of finality is definitely going to be in the air.. in my case it is just mom's clock ticking loudly by now. What kinda bread are did you wind up making?
>>39467811 Trying to unfuck my sleep schedule too, I know that feel.
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Alright, break time.
>>39467850 I am glad you have at least one good specialist, and I keep being surprised how people keep getting away with providing you with the Aldi version of a given diagnosis. It's like bizarro world House MD; medical malpractice to go out of their way NOT to diagnose the patient.
>>39468462 Well shit, any chance to recover the data at least, perhaps repair? Or is that currently not in the cards?
>>39468529 >>39466051 I hope she did, Anon. I'd like to hear more about your circumstances too.
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>>39487336 >Do you hang with peers you study with? Do you feel they are too normieish? Or are there people you enjoy being around? Not really, just go there and get the stuff done mostly. I'm sort of trying to be helpful with assignments and all that, i can have some conversation etc, and don't get anxiety like i used to, but i'm not that young anymore, so there's the age thing (with people under 25.. ykwim), but people closer to my age def seem normyish. There just isn't the sort of relatability that makes it feel like worth the investment. Trust issues too i guess.
Anonymous
Might just fall asleep before I can make a relevant post.
Anonymous
>>39487336 >Sounds great! And yes, job hunting is hell. You are doing great, Anon! Thank you pleasant anime anon :)
Anonymous
>>39487346 >I'm glad to hear it went well, will you hear back soon you think? And yeah.. missing old outlets is a special kinda yearning I've been doodling on paper scraps a bit but I still wanna get a portable tablet and pen so I can draw on an iPad setup wherever I am in the world.
Does writing hold the same kind of effect as drawing does?
Anonymous
>>39487346 >Any other bits of circumstance that make you miserable, perhaps? Do any particular stressors come to mind? Could be just sensitivity, also kind of feeling a bit bipolar/unstable.
>Self isolation is about as deadly as smoking, Anon. Do you feel like an Alien, that there is nobody to connect with/worth the bother? I quit drinking and smoking a while ago, but you're more or less right about the alien part.
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>>39488120 Congrats on quiting alcohol and cigs, that is tough to do.
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>>39487336 >Glad to hear it went well! Thank you, anon!
>lotsa sports or something else? That and the fact I stay up far too late.
I generally have a hard time forcing myself to get off the devices and settle in for rest.
Speaking of witch, time for bed now...
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Time to scramble the order of replies a little to satisfy spamfilter kun.
>>39476057 Dysphoria is a bitch and repping is an inherently traumatic experience.
>I've spent five years mentally cucking myself Yeah, you will have to unlearn a lot of shit. The bad news is, there is no way around pain and discomfort to escape this, but one kind of discomfort (standing still) will be permanent while the other (overcoming the obstacles and pain of transitioning) will only be temporary. I'm afraid the best thing to do in your case is to try and figure out how exactly you will spiral from pooning, and how far you can push yourself without snapping/falling apart. You need to apply salami tactics: make yourself uncomfortable in the direction you want to go (transitioning) and study how the discomfort manifests, and experience it. Yes it is awful but you will over time desensitize, and that is the goal here. As for the therapist thing and telling you things you already know.. there is a subtlety! Your subconscious is not really impressed by logical arguments. It is only convinced by exhausting mental resistance. Dog training if you will, or (auto-)indoctrination, or self affirmation, whatever you want to call exposing yourself to an idea you know but don't feel ad nauseam. Eventually the mental resistance will yield.
>>39487668 My pleasure.
>>39477084 Glad to help, with that you are more prepared that I was when I was in your shoes. I wish you well, and don't worry, if something crops up you don't have to figure it out alone, ok?
>>39484953 >I'm gonna take a nap, I need to rest upt to deal with the rest of the fucking day. Hope you rested well, how did the day go?
>>39487661 I hope you get plenty of rest, bun anon!
>>39488026 For me personally? Yes. I love doing math, or a little poetry. I enjoy these things and they let me express myself in ways I feel drawing does, too.
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>>39476106 Oh gosh that bun is adorable!
>I've done this for the cover letters for some applications. >Maybe I should talor some resume copies based on what kinda of field I'd be applying to? Yes, precisely!
>Maybe I should cut down on some details? Yes, trim the fat. Also, assume you want to engage with someone who does not actually want to think at all. Having the key points as a brief summary, for example in bold or otherwise highlighted as a small list, would be great. If someone with room temp IQ could read off your key qualifications at a glance without actually reading or understanding most of the document, you did great. Do not fear being redundant. The reader WILL half ass reading your documents.
>How do I meet industry colleagues? Tricky, depends on the field. In my case I studied with peers and still am in contact with people through that. Starting from zero I don't think there is one generic way of doing it, but if you find people's contacts you could try to reach out to people with genuine interest in what they do. Whether people care or appreciate this will depend on the kinda job, but essentially doing things like this is unusual/memorable a lot of the time, which can be used to get a foot in the door.
>>39478711 >Is being touch starved just another way of saying you can't get laid? Nah but the latter is a subset of the former, humans crave physical affection, and more than just the sexual kind. How much people need it varies but most commonly it is much much more than you think/would let happen without just trying it out. So in other words you need more people you are close to in your life?
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>>39478743 >it's sucks being depressed makes you not care about trying to feel better. It does, the only way to really escape depression is doing things against your will.
The good news is that, like I am about to say to the other Anon, this war can be won in small, incremental steps. Starting with things you have absolute control over is a good start, they will feel like meaningless changes but they will accumulate. Did you give the post below the OP a read, with the mini tasks?
>>39478986 >I hate myself also, which adds to it. It is hard to use self loathing as a sustainable ticket out of depression. There are workarounds. Do you know of the ship of Theseus thought experiment? You can, incrementally, tear apart and replace many parts you hate about yourself and replace them with better things. Sometimes that includes parts that do the hating. But that requires you to first articulate why you feel this way, and to articulate what you appreciate in others.
>>39487302 It relates to what I said to the other two Anons above, give both a read. Other than that I would love to hear about the sources of your misery to be more concrete in my advice.
>>39486154 Confidence and drive are the art of microdosing delusion to further our goals. I wish you nothing but the very best, Anon!
>>39486274 You will need to articulate specifics of your self loathing to choke it out.
Anonymous
>>39485841 >>39485826 I accept and acknowledge that all of these experiences are impermanent and just focus on thoughts and feelings that have utility or result in positive stimulus
it's a lot like
>>39486901 actually
Anonymous
>>39487530 >people under 25.. ykwim I definitely get it, but I strongly recommend you trying to get to know them personally. The gap between early-mid 20s and early 30s is not that big and the older you get the more you have to just cope with people being younger than you. Ofc especially people in the range 20-23 are gonna be quite inexperienced still, but those especially tend to appreciate perspectives of older peers. I hung a lot with a guy that was 35 when I was 24 or so. Never thought twice about it. Make sure not to deny yourself!
>the sort of relatability that makes it feel like worth the investment I get that, absolutely. But oftentimes it can be found, even if that takes an initial investment that doesn't feel worth it and isn't guaranteed to be, either. It's a speculative investment but one you will not regret making if it pays off
>Trust issues Bad past experiences?
>>39488120 >feeling a bit bipolar/unstable Ah, have you ever had a pro look at you on that front? It isn't always helpful of course but still.
>I quit drinking and smoking a while ago That's absolutely commendable, Anon. I hope you know!
>you're more or less right about the alien part It's a common sentiment, to the point I have come to realize it is a symptom of loneliness, not a cause. As in, I have seen formerly sociable people end up isolated for a while and develop that perspective just the same as if they always had been lonely. It also goes away as you connect with people, which will require making yourself vulnerable and a fair amount of trial and error as you try getting closer to people. It helps having shared interests, a common passion, or complementary aspects that can be appreciated mutually. I can assure you that the feeling of "it is pointless reaching out to people" is incredibly normal and human, but goes away the closer you get to people. Social needs are like dietary needs. People that starve themselves can end up breaking their sense of hunger. It is a similar principle.
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I think that's that!
>>39488722 Hope you have a good rest this time around, Anon. If there is anything I can do for you, let me know, ok?
>>39489418 Reminds me of a video titled "optimistic nihilism" I watched ages ago (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBRqu0YOH14 )
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>>39489418 yeah I happened across that yesterday in my 4chan archive folder and found it very inspiring so felt like I should share with the class
Definitely helped me gain some perspective on stuff I'm worried about in life right now. Like fuck it I'm only young once and I will enjoy life on my own terms.
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my only reason to be is being useful to others
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>>39487336 >Do you do such things on the reg? I used to... but music composition is something for academics in current year. And I'm not interested in making popular music idk. I guess I've shifted my focus in recent years.
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Is there any better way to remove body hair than with a razor? It takes an hour or two and the hair always gets stuck in the drain.
Anonymous
"self improvement" lmao as if being fastidious is a magic pill for making you a "better person" or reducing misery. i'm loling.
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>>39490516 It's true. It's a thread with a stupid premise, but it's still nice for moping and blogposting sometimes
Anonymous
>>39490516 >>39490561 better person? No. That's what philosphy is for.
Reducing misery? Depends on the cause but there are many sneaky causes of misery people rationalize post hoc when in reality they are either lonely, malnourished, or surrounded by shitheads.
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>>39490561 >>39490591 I don't think that reframing (aka deception) is the best way to handle dealing with people who have no feelings of control over their life. the best way to do that is to reduce the amount of time you spend doing chores or selling yourself etc. in other words, to be happy you need enough money to have control over your life. period simple as. anything else is not helpful.
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>>39490654 "just work harder and pull yourself up by your bootstraps, bro"
Anonymous
>>39490837 yes, all mental distress in our current day derives pretty much entirely from this cognotive dissonance. hence why I think threads like this are shit and people who are "self improvement" pushers are actually retarded fucks.
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>>39490877 Anon, you literally fell for a grift perpetuated by nobody but conservative boomer fucks who consider any empirical evidence that disagrees with them communist propaganda. Psychology and psychotherapy may be a century behind medicine minimum, but even in such a young field do these grifters not manage to fund someone verifying their quack beliefs.
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>>39490995 what grift is it exactly that you are trying to forcibly apply to me again? I'm the irreverent "your advice sucks, everyone is unhappy because we've built a fucked up market based economy world where we intentionally train people wrong as a joke" guy just as a reminder.
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>>39489534 I've always been at a weird spot where i'm too unconventional for the normies and not geeky enough for the autists. Also i'm not really interested in vast majority of people and get put off by their energy or "smell" or something.
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