>>39581757yeah, I'm pretty lateshit (24) with insanely severe dysphoria and you nailed it. OP 100% doesn't get it.
I totally dissociated and was utterly miserable for most of my life, but transition felt like it was impossible, enough people were negative or played into my brainworms that I just idiotically interpreted anyone positive as just hugboxing me. And yet I absolutely KNEW even at age 12, and was showing really obvious signs even at like 7 and younger, but it always got ignored or used as ammunition for bullying even by one of my parents, and I had no exposure to any actual trans people, just shit like porn and mr garrison from south park. No wonder it took me so long, lol.
I also had even tried to transition at like 19 or 20, but had absolutely no irl emotional support, basically no trans friends, and so it just resulted in me quitting after a couple weeks of crying a lot and feeling doomed. So yeah, OP if you take one thing from any of this, severe dysphoria doesn't mean you transition, it only means you're suffering more before and often still even after transition. I don't even get any problems from ppl even tho i'd say i'm a bit of a hon / clocky (friends say better), so I'm probably very BDD especially given how often I still panic about how I imagine I look/sound.
